To all of those on this post
I'm sorry that we had such f*cked up people that raised us. Unfortunately, we had no choice.
FWIW, I too had a horrible childhood, both parents (alcoholic dad, psycho mom) extremely abusive, (bloody noses, broken ribs, bruises, welts, gun held my head). As the oldest of 3, I bore the brunt of all of the abuse. As a matter of fact, when my sister came to visit last weekend, she crumpled into my arms after "one too many" and just cried calling me her mama because I took care of them and shielded them as best as I could from all of the abuse.
Fast forward 20 years...I now have a young family of my own (dd#1 4yrs, ds 3yrs, and dd#2 4mons) and I now get to be the parent that I always wished I had. I now have the control.
I also have the control as to what kind of access I will allow my children to have to my parents.
I learned about 10 years ago, to accept them for the incredibly flawed people that they are and to stop hoping for them to be the parent that I would want them to be. IT WAS JUST NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!
However, in the darkness of the night, I still long for parents...someone whose arms that I
can crumple into when things are rough. Someone who is always there, not hot and cold, for me for whatever I need.
I am T I R E D of being the super-responsible one that takes care of everyone (my children, husband, sisters, friends, business relationships) etc. and for once would like to be the child.
I sometimes silently resent my children for the security they have in my arms... I know that sounds totally f*cked up, but I sometimes resent them because I never knew what that felt like and I wish I could somehow siphon it from them and let it wash over me for awhile.
I sometimes fantasize about placing a "want ad" for parents. There are lots of childrenless couples in their late50-early60ish that would love to have me as a daughter and my children as grandchildren...I mean we are great!!! Who in their right mind wouldn't want us as family? Read the key words..."right mind"...
They have robbed enough from you...don't let them take anything more...take back your strength and control!!!
Lots of Love