This question is terrible, please don't judge!

[RachelS]

Hello ~ UPDATED!! PLEASE READ NEW SECTION:

I still feel terrible that I even thought this!! My husband and I had another talk and he may agree with NEXT month for trying... I am very excited and SO glad that we talked! I even told him that I had these crazy thoughts... how embarrasing!

Old posting :
I have been thinking so much about wanting a second child. My son is 17 months old. My husband wants to wait another year to get pregnant. However, we have talked about if we had an accident that he would be very happy. Okay.... he is big stickler for protection! So having an accident is near impossible. My question is.... I know it is terrible.... and I have NEVER EVER tried to deceive my husband in the past...... okay.... has anyone ever put holes in their condoms.... OH I know what a terrible thought! Please don't judge me.... I am a very loving and caring mommy and wife.... I guess that I am wondering if anyone else has ever THOUGHT about it.

Rachel

[amnda527]

To answer your question, no I never thought about doing that, but I never really had to considering my dh wanted to have a baby on our wedding night. : If you realllllly want another baby, just talk to your hubby about it! If he says he would happy if you had an "accident", then wouldn't he be ok with trying to conceive also? I know that if I ever did something like poking holes in the condom, and I did get pregnant,there would be noooo waaaaaay I could not fess up and tell him!! Think about that too...

[Shelsi]

I know it's frustrating to have to wait on your partner to be ready when you've got baby fever. Trust me I've been there. But what you are even thinking of doing is extremely disrespectful to your partner. Waiting until both partners are ready is really the best way to go. That way you can both be excited when you get a positive pregnancy test, you can both be excited about going to prenatal visits, planning for the baby, etc. Your partner says he would be happy with a surprise and that's probably because he does want more kids in the future. I've had times where I definitely did not want to try to get pregnant but if an oops had happened I would have been happy with it because of wanting more kids in the future. I'm sure I would have been upset for a day or two and then got excited...that doesn't mean it's the best time to have the baby though, kwim?

I started getting baby fever when my ds was just under 18 mos old. My dh was just not ready. We talked and he did agree that he wanted more children, he just wasn't ready for it yet. So we set a date to talk about it again and I promised not to push the issue too much during that time. We decided that we'd wait 6 months and then see how he felt. At the 6 month point a lot of his feelings had changed although he still wasn't 100% sure. He got deployed the following week for 3 months. During that 3 months we wrote "baby letters" back and forth. We went over all the pros/cons and our fears/expectations about having another baby. Once that was all hashed out we decided we would start TTC as soon as he came home.

Now dh is excited about TTC. I LOVE that. If I'd kept pushing the issue a year ago he would have caved and went along with it but he never would have been as involved and excited as he is now. He helps me chart so we know when I am ovulating. He talks about stuff we'll do when I am pregnant...things we'll buy for the baby...what kind of birth we should have, etc. To me, his eager involvement in the process was worth the wait.

[RachelS]

Thank you for your responses!! It is nice to get another opinion..... I think that the my Mommy clock is ticking REALLY loudly and sometimes it is hard to think clearly. I do just want everyone to know that it was just a thought I was having and that I would never want to do anything that was disrespectful to my dear husband. And yes, there is no way I would be able to keep that one a secret.... he can read me like an open book anyway.

Thank you again! Rachel

[RachelS]

update

Hello ~

My husband and I had a long talk last night and we agreed to try to get pregnant in June or July...... settled issue.

Rachel

[greenwest]

Originally Posted by RachelS

Hello ~

My husband and I had a long talk last night and we agreed to try to get pregnant in June or July...... settled issue.

Rachel

I'm glad you guys worked it out. :-)

[dctexan]

Rachel,
I can relate to what you are going through. I have been ready to start TTC for TWO years and DH just agreed to start trying last Aug (we are both 33 so I was really starting to freak out). I thought all sort of crazy thoughts like "maybe I could poke holes in the condoms" etc. but I talked myself out of it each time because I KNEW that if the roles were reversed and DH were the one tricking me I would be so, so, so HURT. Bringing a child into the world really needs to be BOTH of your decision. As much as it sucks to wait (and I truly know how much it sucks), you really should. What I did do (just to give you some proactive steps that are not deceptive)...

1). Went off the pill and made DH totally responsible for birth control. He had to buy the condoms, pack the condoms if we went out of town, and put the condom on himself.

2). One night randomly in Aug. (we were on vacation so DH was very happy and relaxed) when we were out walking the dog I asked "Hey, do you want to go have some unprotected sex?" DH laughed and said, "No, nice try though" so I totally let it go and figured he just wasn't ready. However the next morning when we woke and started getting busy he didn't use a condom! The next time, same thing. When I got my period that month, I told him I was kinda bummed and he said "Oh well, there is always next month" and with that we were officially "trying" without ever having had THE CONVERSATION.

I hope this gives you some hope. Feel free to reach out to the women on this board for support and let us know how it is going.

[amnda527]

congrats! I hope everything works out for you!

[Camellia]

I'm glad you guys talked things out. Personally, I've never had to think about it. Dh would probably have 10 if I was ok with it. Even when he wants to wait, he says if I ever offered condom-free sex he wouldn't refuse

[GooeyRN]

Im glad you worked it out.

[RachelS]

Yes!!!

Another talk! May be next month for conception!! SO happy!! Thanks for everyone's support!!! Oh... what terrible thoughts... I can't believe I had those thoughts!!!

[Blooming]

Don't be so down on you're self, we all have thoughts we wouldn't actually do. When I'm ovulating my dh won't even let me dispose of the condom because I once joked that I was going to...well...put...the contents...well you know. Of course I was joking and I would never do such a thing. But the instinct to reproduce can be a bit out of control for me.
I'm happy that you are on the same page and that now you get to enjoy some time with you're hubby.
Lots of baby dust!

[RachelS]

Thank you Blooming!!

A huge THANK YOU Blooming!!! Thank you for your words & story!!!! I really appreciate it!!!

Rachel