tormented by close call with DD age 3

[meowee]

I was walking 2 days ago with 3 of my DDs, one in a stroller, the other 2 holding onto the handles. As we crossed a street, DD3 fell *and I did not notice.* She was barely in my peripheral vision to start with, and I had a scarf on cutting off a small amount of my peripheral vision. *I kept walking across the street not knowing my DD3 was lying face down in the middle of the steet while 2 cars were waiting to make a left turn.*

It was not till we were at the other side of the street that I realized DD was "missing." I turned and saw her face down in the middle of the steet, my mind went "white", I rushed to get her, carried her back to the curb.

Ladies, I cannot stop thinking about this. It is keeping me awake, I am replaying it constantly in my mind.

Why did I not notice she fell???? I didn't even hear her crying till I went to get her! It is a noisy, busy, intersection, but still. My eyes were on the cars making the left turns (looking to my right) while DD was on my left.

What if the cars making a left turn had not noticed she fell? Her clothes were dark and blended in with the street but thank god she was wearing a bright pink hat. From where she was lying, the car would have run over her head!

What if the stroller I let go of, and my other DD who was holding the stroller, rolled/ran into the street?

How do I get over this feeling of torment and fear?

I feel like we missed her gruesome death by 5 seconds.

My husband can't stop thinking about it either (he wasn't there, but just my telling him about this has scared him, it is really weighing on him).

Has anyone here ever had a close call like this?

DD3 kept crying "The cars were looking at me, they were going to bury me, I was alone with the cars."

[*GreenMama*]

oh mama

It was an accident. A really really scary accident. Thankfully your dd is okay. You need to hold onto that.

When my ds was just 4 days old (at 5 weeks premature) my husband fell asleep with him on the couch. I was exhausted and heard the baby crying and didn't get up for around 5 minutes. My Ds had fallen face down on the floor and was screaming there.

I hold onto the fact that it was an accident, that my DS and I were both exhausted, and that DS is fine. Also, because we were lucky I know I will NEVER let it happen again.

It still makes me crazy when I think about it, but you do heal.

hugs!

[LiamnEmma]

What a horrifyingly traumatic event! No wonder you can't stop thinking about it. All I can say--from the viewpoint of a psychologist (which is what I am), that it will likely dissipate over a period of time, as you habituate to it and begin to feel a little safer again. I've had some experiences that I found terribly traumatic like that--close calls with lots of what ifs involved--and although I might still periodically react to them, I've generally found that within a week or two the reaction subsides. Right now you are both traumatized. Talk about it, let those feelings out and that will likely help. It's okay to go over the details for a bit. Give yourself some extra love and TLC, you deserve even if you're feeling horribly guilty. I'm so sorry that happened to you all.

[AmyG]

It will get better. I've had a few incidents that I couldn't let go of with my kids, and they've all gotten much better over time. In fact, I can't tell you today what some of them were, and I think it's because I've blocked them, but that's fine with me. I'm not going to think about it for long and try to bring up those memories.

It is terrifying. You just have to remind yourself that she is okay. You're a good mom. Sometimes stuff just happens. You'd done your part by making sure the people who wanted to turn knew you were there. That's why they didn't pull out. I'm sure that they were being very observant because you'd already done your part and made eye contact with them or something to make sure that it would be safe to cross.

[alicia9178]

I know exactly how you feel!!! I few months ago I was taking the groceries in the house with dh and the kids were in the house (I thought). I got in the car to park the car and I almost backed up to get the closest parking spot, but instead put it into drive and took a different spot. By the time I parked DH was standing out on the sidewalk holding our 2 year old dd and looking white as a sheet. He had been putting the groceries in the kitchen and turned around just in time to see my reverse lights briefly on and my 2 year old dd standing at my rear liscenes plate....there was NOTHING he could do at that point and my car windows were up and had I hit the gas I would have run her over...though it was probably less then a second that my reverse lights were on when I briefly thought about going in reverse for him he said it was like hours but he could not move. Over and over I have thought about what it was that made me go forward rather then back and over and over I have played in my head the terror of running over my own child. It is horrible and I know exactly how you feel
Alicia

[because]

Oh, you poor mama!

First, I'm sure that the PPs are right: time will ease your pain. You need to process this event and talking about it here is a good step. We've all been scared before (it's part of mothering) and we understand.

Second, remember that there are seeing, hearing, thinking people in those cars. The first car was sitting there waiting and surely saw what happened, which is why they didn't make their turn. The other cars couldn't just jump over the first one. Chances are, everything would have been fine. really. I hope this helps you process the event--not diminish your feelings.

I'm so glad that DD and you are fine, although scared. Feel free to keep talking about it here!

[WNB]

I was crossing the street with my DD (all of 9 weeks old) in the stroller when a small pickup truck started up from the far side of the intersection and practically slammed into us. He'd not even bothered to look to make sure there were no pedestrians crossing, and just started crossing the minute the cross traffic was clear. He squealed his brakes, and I threw him all sorts of stink eye.. but it really shook me up. I don't know what I could have done differently, I don't know what I would have done if I'd realized he wasn't going to stop in time.. it definitely does weigh on you. I'm trying to work out a "not-going-to-panic" plan so that maybe I can react a little better if there is a next time.

[meowee]

Thanks mamas, I am still really shaken up by it.

Alicia I am so glad your DD is okay and all the other DC mentioned.

[greenwest]

meowee, I'm so glad your DD is fine.

I've had close calls myself and its hard to forget afterwards.