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Ok don't know were to start

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
Hi everyone this is my first time ever on this board or any for that matter on this site. My name is Kristin im a mother of 3 beautiful babies and married to a wonderful man William. Now this post is about my hubby's other childs mother ..And in now way am i trying to start anything or get anyone worked up i just want to see if anyone is in this kind of thing.

Ok ill start with i met my husband back in 01 while i was at school and he worked in my school all this don't need to be put out there but i want people to get into the whole story so here goes i'll try and make things short . Anywho we met in 01 and at that time he told me he wasn't seeing anyone. So on with things we started {seeing each other} and things seemed fine . Well in and out of the first couple months i would leave from his place and go back home were im from. Well i guess in them times of me going back home for the short times i did . He was seeing this female lets just say he was seeing along with a few others. Well time went by and 8 close to 9 months later goes by and now by then were starting to get a lil closer with things. We'll he gets a phone call at his job and it's this other female he was seeing now mind you he hasn't talked to her by now for just about 8 months we will say . So anyways . he gets the call and it's this other lady telling him she is pregnant with his child and is having the baby sometime soon . We'll he comes home from work telling me this and i just loose it at that point cause what i thought was a good relashonship going on turned into i found out he cheated on me . Well times goes by i tell him when this baby is born the only way me and you will stay together is to make sure and find out if the baby was his for sure . Well we will pass time by with just saying baby turned out to be his and then court dates come by and at this point now he hasn't seen the baby at all only on the court dates and wasn;t there to see the baby just so happens he looked and seen her. Well he gets ordered to pay child support wich well of course known to have happend wich is fine with me. Well things get hateful with everything me wich i didn't get the other woman pregnant but i guess in a new mothers state of mind at that time i would be hateful to . Well we will just back track a lil bit now her baby was born in 2002 and i had gotten pregnant and had OUR first baby together in 2003 well now she really don't like that one and let's get this straight they were very hateful towards each other and i have tried many times for him to go see her baby well never happend ..Well now it turns into a hate on me thing wiht her calling my house talking bad about my son {and of course at the time i was using not so good things towards her baby to} im not the nice guy all the way around in this and in no way am i trying to make it look like that but i get thrown in the middle of things so yea. Anyways it turns into a internet drama thing for 2 almost 3 yrs with me and her . Her telling me our son was not my husbands and what not cause he didn't look like him and her daughter did and just aweful names were put on my son . But anyways i had another baby in 2005 then just had our newest baby in 2006 . well anyways to make it a little short and see what everyone has to thing or say about this much ill just pass to the ending of it all ....

Well now here it is she has had another baby last yr and got married also ..and is having her 3rd child in 07 well anyways lets let another part out and i know this has nothing to do with anything but her and my children are mixed black and white ..and her new husband and soon to be 2 children are both white .. white dad and her being white . Well anyways on that just letting that be known in it all ..Well anyways after she got married . She was trying to have her husband adopt her and my husbands child wich i thought would be done and over with fast seeing he never signed the BC and what not well it took a long time and now seeing its been 4 yrs now i guess it was final june this yr .. well i was just wanting to see how it could have happened like it did when my husband never signed anything sayin it was ok and only by that is cause they have had a DNA done so it is known who the real dad is and all .But was wanting to know i guess as to could this have happened or could she be lying and just saying that the adoption was said and done ..and me asking this is only because well we were getting child support papers like with his child support amount adding up for a while then all of a sudden in about june i do want to say we havent gotten any papers about anything from courts or nothing . So is it true that this adoption was final .. ??????


And now another question .. Is it making me look like a bad hguy to want to stay in contact with the other mother of his other kid ..For my childrens sack even though my husband and other ladie dont even talk just for my kids to get to know his other kid if they ever wanted to .
post #2 of 14
If I understand your post correctly you are asking if your DH's first child was legally adopted by DD's step-father. I think it is possible. If I am reading this correctly it sounds like DH has not had any contact or visitation with DD since she was born about 4 years ago although he has been paying child support. It is possible that his ex-GF had his parental rights terminated by the court due to lack of contact which means that the step-father would be free and clear to adopt without your DH's consent. If that has happened I would think that your DH would have received notice of his rights being terminated. It would also mean that he is no longer responsible for child support. I do not have any clue what Missouri's laws are concerning termingating parental right so I could be completely wrong.
Why did he not have any contact with DD? If they went to court over chld support he could have set up visitation at that point.
As far as remaining in contact with the mother, I wouldn't. It sounds like you have a terrible relationship and no one needs all that negativity in their lives. It is not good for the children (or for you for that matter).
FC
post #3 of 14
Thread Starter 
so you think that most likely he should have gotten some kind of papers saying something about the adoption ...and i thought this to well no he hasnt been caught up on back child support but the thing is the adoption was pose to be final at the end of june and we use to get papers about every week sayin how much he owes and how much he needs to pay ..well after the end of june we havent got no papers ...so that got me thinking maybe it ended and it was final but were are the papers lol ..
post #4 of 14
OP,
It is very unlikely that your DH's parental rights were terminated without some kind of notice to him. In fact, if they were, he has grounds to appeal it.

I'm not sure what the laws are in your state, but I can tell you that where I am, courts are extremely reluctant to terminate parental rights... in fact just about any court in any state is. The ordinary grounds are serious abuse, or refusal to accept parental responsibility (not valid here since he was paying CS). As a rule, courts don't terminate parental rights, without good cause, just so a step parent can adopt.

The only other possibility is that perhaps your DH voluntarily terminated his parental rights so that the adoption could occur. He would have to sign an agreement to do so.

If he isnt getting CS notices anymore, and the adoption really did happen, then he probably did voluntarily terminate his parental rights. This means that he has absolutely no legal claim to the child and no right to have any relationship with the child. Legally, it's as if he never existed.

And to answer your second question, it would mean that legally, your children with him have no relationship to her children, even his bio child, so, there is really no reason to try to maintain a relationship with the other mom.
post #5 of 14
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by *caitlinsmom* View Post
OP,
It is very unlikely that your DH's parental rights were terminated without some kind of notice to him. In fact, if they were, he has grounds to appeal it.

I'm not sure what the laws are in your state, but I can tell you that where I am, courts are extremely reluctant to terminate parental rights... in fact just about any court in any state is. The ordinary grounds are serious abuse, or refusal to accept parental responsibility (not valid here since he was paying CS). As a rule, courts don't terminate parental rights, without good cause, just so a step parent can adopt.

The only other possibility is that perhaps your DH voluntarily terminated his parental rights so that the adoption could occur. He would have to sign an agreement to do so.

If he isnt getting CS notices anymore, and the adoption really did happen, then he probably did voluntarily terminate his parental rights. This means that he has absolutely no legal claim to the child and no right to have any relationship with the child. Legally, it's as if he never existed.

And to answer your second question, it would mean that legally, your children with him have no relationship to her children, even his bio child, so, there is really no reason to try to maintain a relationship with the other mom.
No he hasnt been paying CS he hasnt for almost 2 or so years ..and also he is like 11,000 behind in it yes i know thats bad and woman hate to hear that and so do i but as his wife i can only make sure and ask him to have him to pay ...anywho no he hasnt payed and the mother lives in Massachusetts ..but like i have been saying i know he would have gotten some kind of papers ...unless she is lying
post #6 of 14
all a friend of mine has to do was claim the father hadn't paid cs or seen the child in over a year (which he hadn't) and then post a message in the newspaper alerting him. I don't think the father ever had to sign anything. He was living overseas and while my friend probably knew his address (she lived with his parents) I don't think anything was sent directly to him.
post #7 of 14
well, if he hasn't been paying and hasn't seen the child, then under the laws of my state, the mother might have good cause and a court might be willing to terminate if there is another person waiting right there to adopt. She'd have to give him notice though. If she can't locate him, then notice by publication (in the public notice section of the newspaper) would be sufficient.

I know you didn't ask this, so it is unsolicited, but do you think he would do the same to you and your children if your relationship ended? Just a thought.
post #8 of 14
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by *caitlinsmom* View Post
well, if he hasn't been paying and hasn't seen the child, then under the laws of my state, the mother might have good cause and a court might be willing to terminate if there is another person waiting right there to adopt. She'd have to give him notice though. If she can't locate him, then notice by publication (in the public notice section of the newspaper) would be sufficient.

I know you didn't ask this, so it is unsolicited, but do you think he would do the same to you and your children if your relationship ended? Just a thought.



Well in all reality to the bottom of the whole thing i know he wouldn't do anything like that to me or my kids and my reason is ....1 him and her were never really together they had a "THING" going on for a lil while and then we started seeing each other ..then in between she got pregnant didnt let him know until she was 8 months pregnant ..then i found out i was pregnant and we got married 6 months after our son was born ...and now he has 2 other daughters from me ...me and him have love they had nothing ...well maybe in her eyes they had something but him being a dog man there wasn't anything more then a thing going on ...and for the newspaper thing well she had told me that they were doing it that way i guess and it took about 60 days and then after it was final and what not i don't know lol ..just weird were he hasn't gotten any papers or anything saying what ever happened...
post #9 of 14
Ok, let me get this straight... she told you that they were going to publish a notice in the paper about terminating his parental rights and the adoption?

Publication is sufficient notice. It sounds like your DH has had his rights terminated. There is no other notice required.

Since you are lol, I guess you think it is funny, but I would be very concerned about a man that would just let his rights to his own child be terminated. That child is biologically part of your DH, but now your DH has no legal right to see the child or have any relationship with him/her. In my eyes, that is just sad.
post #10 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by *caitlinsmom* View Post
That child is biologically part of your DH, but now your DH has no legal right to see the child or have any relationship with him/her. In my eyes, that is just sad.
:

I pray you never have marital trouble or heaven forbid, end up getting divorced. Fling or no fling, a child was created and he abandoned that child b/c he didn't care for the mother (please tell me if i'm wrong, but that's what i'm getting from your posts).

I can't believe you're justifying it as "well he didn't really like her and he's married to me now and we love each other and he didn't love her so her baby means nothing to him". My daughters father sure doesn't like me, but still sees my DD on a very regular basis and would do anything for her.
post #11 of 14
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissSavannahsMommy View Post
:

I pray you never have marital trouble or heaven forbid, end up getting divorced. Fling or no fling, a child was created and he abandoned that child b/c he didn't care for the mother (please tell me if i'm wrong, but that's what i'm getting from your posts).

I can't believe you're justifying it as "well he didn't really like her and he's married to me now and we love each other and he didn't love her so her baby means nothing to him". My daughters father sure doesn't like me, but still sees my DD on a very regular basis and would do anything for her.
Ok see this is were i didn't want this to go ..I in any way do i think this is funny..I for one said what i said about there past some what i guess of a relashonship ..And in no way am i glad that it has happened to the child cause for one as a mother i know it has to be rough on a child to wonder and ask were is her real father i have done my part and all i can do is to make him want anything to do with his child..On the other hand in a good look at things i am glad that another man if that is true has stepped up in her life for her to have a man figure in her life ..what more can i do though really then what i tried doing in the past and as for recently b4 this all has happend. i don't know but i wanted it to be clear that im not happy or what ever feelings you woman took me as being i guess..It bothers me way more then it does him and i dont even know the other woman really in person i should say ..But i feel horrible for the child in the biggest way ever only because of how the mother lives i guess and ihave tried to have him take her to court for custody but he wouldnt do it so im not the bad guy in any way ...i was asking a question really wondering if the courts would do that seein he has been no part of her life without notice ..for me to know so i can try once again to get him to think about trying to get custody thats why i was asking ...
post #12 of 14
Look, I'm sorry if what I said to you sounded harsh. If I offended you or hurt your feelings, then I do apologize. But I can't get it out of my head that you are defending someone who abandoned their child.

You stated that you are trying to get him to go to court for custody.

If his rights have been terminated, then that's it. There is no going to court, no asking for custody. It's over. In the eyes of the law, he doesn't exist as far as that child is concerned.

Again, if his rights have been terminated (and it sounds like it) then your DH has no right to the child at all and can't ask for custody, visitation, or any contact at all. It would be analogus to me going to court and asking for custody of your children. I have no right to them, so I have no standing to ask for custody, visitation, or contact. Your DH has no right to child that isn't his, and if his rights have been terminated, then the child is simply NOT HIS CHILD anymore.

It's a hard, sad truth. That's why I asked you to think about whether he would do it to you if your relationship were to end.
post #13 of 14
Josie, I think your responses have been wonderful. I would have no part of any man who didn't take responsibility for his children. I hope the courts have terminated his rights but that he still has to pay back child support. The "thing" that the OP refers to is called S-E-X and if a man has it and doesn't want children then he wears a condom. End of story.

You lay down with someone and do so without birth control, you have the potential of creating a human being. And that's sacred. If a man didn't understand that, he wouldn't be in my bed (or that backseat of my car or wherever. ).
post #14 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer3141 View Post
You lay down with someone and do so without birth control, you have the potential of creating a human being. And that's sacred. If a man didn't understand that, he wouldn't be in my bed (or that backseat of my car or wherever. ).
:

thanks Jennifer. children are sacred. all children.
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