Originally Posted by momma2girls
If she has RAD and is 7 I would run with my baby far far away. This is her fathers problem to deal with not yours and you don't need your baby in the same house as a kid with RAD. BTDT. Never again. People probably will not like that I just said that but oh well. I will post more later when I have the time. Just wanted you to know that I know what it is like to live with a RAD kid. You have my sympathy.
You can pm me if you like. I could post a lot more but don't have the time. Will later.
You really can't "love" RAD away. The infant and family is in danger, particularly if the child starts to get feel some attachment for mom or dad. Her behavior, as therapy progresses and if it is successful, will get much worse before it gets better, and its already pretty challenging (I don't mean the poop episode I mean the aggression towards the baby).
Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder have been so wounded at the preverbal stage (before 18 mths) that they find the world a harsh, cruel, dangerous place and no one can ever be trusted. To them, to trust someone is equivalent to dying. They will resist attachment with everything they have inside them. As soon as they begin to feel the slightest bit dependent on someone else, or slightest bit like maybe they could let down their guard and trust that person, the fear and rage will erupt and the family is literally in danger of their life. Therapy is difficult with these children because the damage occurred before they were verbal and the rage is preverbal. Words don't reach it.
I've worked with many children with Reactive Attachment Disorder, most in foster homes. We would never place a child with RAD in a home with smaller children. The child's behavior is designed to get the parent to put down their guard. They can be charming, affectionate, and appear very loving. You think you are making progress with them, then they do something so awful they think it will make you send them away for good. That is what they think they want; to make you hurt and to make you go away. One child tied the family's dog to the back of their car without their knowledge while pretending he needed to go inside and pee real quick before the family vacation. Another child lovingly made lemonade for the whole family, adding his contribution of urine. Another child put the cat in the oven and turned it on.
The child needs very intense, specialized therapy, and a parent or loving adult within five feet of her nearly all the time. The OP doesn't sound like she is in any way ready for the challenges facing this child. And she has a baby. This is simply a no-win situation for everyone involved. The 7-year-old is not going to be healed in this environment. There's too much opportunity for her to vent her rage in harmful ways and not enough intense one-on-one interaction.