ILM2DS, RAD is caused exclusively by extensive abuse and neglect during the infant stage.
post #61 of 83
11/6/06 at 10:08pm
I couldn't read this without responding -- my heart goes out to all of you!! It seems to me, however, that it would be irresponsible to accept RAD as a diagnosis, or bipolar, or anything else, without first changing your attitude about her. If it were me, and I'm not downplaying the intense frustration you must have with her, but if it were me, I'd want to know that I did everything in my power to offer a functional family for her. Wear your baby on your back at all times if you must, to keep him out of danger, but commit to at least getting several opinions about her, finding behavior therapists/counselors/etc whatever you can do, before sending her off to live with grandparents. Do you think the grandparents could handle her? Or will she end up in foster care eventually if left to them? If your husband relinquishes custody, does the mother then get full custody? Is it possible to investigate the possibility of abuse?
If you do decide that it's RAD, find out all you can about RAD, and seek out differing opinions on how to deal with RAD kids -- what "works" for one may be terrible for another, just like any other "disorder".
First and foremost, DO NOT BLAME HER for her behavior -- 7 seems so old to the mother of a baby, but she's still very young, and obviously in a terrible situation any way you look at it, whether she has a disorder or not. The fact that she tried to hide the poop seems to me like she wasn't trying to piss you off, or that she at least has remorse -- is that indicative of RAD?
And what does her father have to say about abuse? I find it strange that she goes to stay with her mother if there are suspicions of abuse. When did the father leave the mother and little girl? Has he tried to stop her from having custody? Why was he wanting to relinquish? This just seems odd to me, and If I had a child with a man whose daughter was displaying signs of abuse, yet he was sharing custody with the suspected abuser, I'd be REALLY concerned.
I'm not trying to pry, I'm just really concerned, and needing more information to be able to offer support.
take care of yourself and your family, including DSD
I'm glad we've all found a convenient way to write off the little girl in question. You know, a lot people debate the entire idea of Reactive Attachment Disorder, let alone making the RAD=Bad Seed correlation.
And many of the things that are being said here about RAD are the sort of things people used to say about autism.
I mean, really, guys. Come on.
Is RAD reversible, with therapy and such? Or will she just get worse as time goes on, seems she will get worse with people just wanting to get rid of her instead of trying to help her