Originally Posted by ariahsmum
oh dear god you guys, it is worse than hell...
everything they say is true- it just feels like a dream, a nightmare... you keep waiting to wake up.
i need to post the story- honestly, not sure where to post- here or UC or in birth loss... I feel like I fit no where anymore.
it is the worst possible scenario, other than the scenario where i die instead of choosing life. at least my little girl and her daddy have me still.. it was as close as you could possibly come to dying...
and not only is my dear baby gone...
my uterus went with him.
i'm 33. I have no baby and no womb.
i just spent the last 2 hours holding dd who is just so sad. she is crying and wanting to never leave me. of course she can't express her feelings at this point... just shows me her anger and her tears. it is ripping my heart out.
Post it wherever you need to. All over if you need to.
I wrote my son's story right after I came home from the hospital and posted it on my blog. That month it got over 14'000 views and I received letters and emails from so many people, I even got letters from the MOTHERS of people who read my blog who lost children over 40 years ago. One of them made me a prayer shawl. It is amazing the kind of outpouring of support you can find online, and even though right now it may feel like it's all just rolling off your skin... eventually the impact of everyone's words will hit you and you'll feel so grateful for it all.
Don't feel guilty right now when the words seem empty and you can't seem to respond to anyone: it will start to pass slowly. Everyone knows, and no one expects you to thank them or even look them in the eye. Just hear the words and put them away for a time when you can use them.
Writing it out is very healing, and very important... say it when you're ready and share it only with who you're comfortable reading it. But, have it there, somewhere. I still go back and read my son's birth story at least once a week.