mamas of nov/dec 02 babes - Page 4

[XmasEve]

Thanks Casina, those are great suggestions. One thing I love about this thread is that there are some experienced moms too. The sleeping is getting better. I think the bad experiences are my fault. I do need to put her down for bed early in the evening, but that's hard because I'm still revved up and she reads that from me. And sometimes I get so excited to see any sleep that I try to put her down even though it's obviously REM. So I need to work on being calmer. I love the ideas you've given me.

I have had nightmares where I wake up with less hair than dd has. I know postpartum hair loss is normal, but does anyone know of a tea I could drink or anything? I had thin hair to begin with...

I, too, think they're growing up too fast, and that I missed out a lot on her "newborness."

So... I'm embarassed to ask this... have any of the other babies developed that bald spot on the back of their heads?

edited to add: Why does it seem like my posts always end up at the top of the page? I'm a naturally shy person, so it makes me feel so conspicuous.

[village idiot]

My 6 month old dd has a nice bald line on the back of her head where she lays down on her back and turns her head side to side. She is getting more hair on the front of her head but the rest is still mostly fuzzy.
My hair is coming out by the literally. I have dark, thick hair and I am so tired of finding it everywhere

[mcimom]

i have short hair for just such a reason. i highly recommend it. the pixie thing is still in and babies love you no matter what so who cares what anyone else thinks?

bald spot :LOL when my dd1 was little, i asked my dh if he thought it would stay that way? he was like - what? are you crazy? well, his hair is all rubbed off on his ankles from wearing socks and that hasn't grown back - why would i assume differently about my babes?

yeah, 4 years later, her hair is down past her butt. i'm not kidding. she just turned 4 on thursday and her hair has to be picked up when...um...wiping...iykwim?

so...for laying down, i've done the same thing w/all my girls that casina outlined. nursed to sleep. stop sucking. remove nipple. if necessary, reinsert. keep breast exposed for one "hail mary" (this is how i count instead of seconds). snap bra. pray that snapping sound is not so loud that it wakes babe up. another hail mary or our father if necessary. pull shirt down. hail mary. get up, carrying babe to bed. another hail mary. lay babe down and remove at least one arm from her person. our father. deep breath, carefully remove other arm from under babe. if necessary lean over babe and re-insert nipple. go through previous steps again. our father as i hover touching baby w/my chest (or exposed breast :LOL) hail mary. pull away, but hold hand on babe's chest. hail mary. remove hand. our father. step away and hope old creaky wood floors do not wake up babe. sigh w/relief as i close door being careful not to make any noise while doing so.

hey, look on the brightside, greenfaeriedog, at least you don't have 1 or 2 toddlers ready to scream at just the right moment in this process causing you to start all over from the beginning!

i have repeated this scenario more times than i care to think about, but i will say that for the most part, my girls are all good sleepers. yes, this is in part due to their nature which i can't take complete concious credit for. but, i also think that carefully helping them to get to sleep as needed in the aforementioned process as opposed to using the car/sling/etc is part of what makes me able to simply say "goodnight" to my older 2 girls and have them sleep through the night for the most part. (we have a routine prior to this "goodnight" w/bath and brush teeth and pjs and stories and prayers and water and sometimes singing) and now, with isabel. i can just lay down w/her nursing and get her to sleep in about 10 minutes - and stay asleep for a good 1 1/2 hrs 2x a day and 6 hrs at night (that is before i come in to cosleep w/her).

edited to say, not that i never let my kids sleep in my arms or in a sling - often do/did for naps and while pg almost always laid down w/them for both naps and at night. i have also resorted to the car method for periods of time. i guess i just wanted to stress that using this "hail mary" extended touching method won't last forever. as kids become confident and used to a sleep routine, it seems to make it easier for them and gradually you learn their cues and the process becomes less stressful and time consuming.

[tea olive]

leighanne i loved your detailed explanation. i so very much wish i had that kind of specific advice four and a half years ago!
do you find that with the third it is easier because you don't have to evaluate all your decisions as a mamma?

i find this will be an interesting experiment since ruby is so much like my firstborn in temperment but i'm not nervous. and it will be interesting how she turns out since she will be a mini me but with a loving parenting style. now i feel like more kids would be no harder on my psyche, hey i'm just starting to be the mamma i want to be. just a bigger spacing please....though dh says this is probably enough.

so ruby mei's going to be rolling across the room by next week. i've never had a roller before. and she now can find the breast without my help in the sling! so i have two hands more often now. right now i will do my darnedest to enjoy the time before they start walking and trying to walk which i find a difficult time to get out of the house.

meg, i feel firstborns are the teachers. they teach you everything about you. and they set the style of parent you are.

[*solsticemama*]

Leighanne, I second Casina's feeling about your detailed description of 'sleep making'. It's great to have you experienced moms to turn to for advice. Right now everyone's asleep in our household except me and I really should be but just wanted to check in on y'all. Sweet dreams.

[mcimom]

casina i so agree. isabel is rolling across the floor and starting to get up on hands and knees to scoot. i was so ready for maria to do this RIGHT AWAY! and now i know what it means. more work for momma. i'd be happy w/one of those "lumpier" kids right now, yk? and i totally feel it is easier w/#3. i am so much more laid back. i know which battles are worth fighting, what things are worth worrying about and am enjoying her being a baby rather than constantly looking forward to the next milestone. (not that i don't enjoy her milestones and feel pride when she reaches them - especially so early on!) but that's not my focal point now.

and it is so enjoyable to see the interaction b/t siblings of course.

i'm also more able to let others enjoy her. with dd1, i was so possesive. i wasn't generous in letting others hold her. i was protective of her in a bad way often. i was stingy w/her which breaks my heart b/c now i find i want others to enjoy my girls as much as i do. i understand the value of letting someone else soothe a baby or feed her (dd1 was formula and breast fed, but i rarely let anyone else feed her bottles - dd2 was exclusively breastfed and never took a bottle in her life and i could have really used that break as she was a pretty high maintenance babe). i see how special their grandparents and aunts are to them and how it makes those adults feel special to have a relationship on their own terms w/my kids.

in some ways i was a better mother to maria (dd1) b/c i wasn't so lax - she did not get refined sugar or watch tv in any way until dd2 came along. then i let my standards slip and cripe! mil is feeding isabel blue moon ice cream at 4mos and sometimes i catch her staring at the tv while the girls are watching. but in most ways, you're right casina, i'm slowly getting to be a better, more perfect mother or at least i'm getting the hang of it! i read isabel's cues so much better than maria's or carmen's when they were infants. i will be awesome by the time i get grandchildren :

edited to say and then i can annoy my daughters and possibly DILs with my high and mighty i-know-it-all attitude

[mamameow]

Originally posted by casina
meg, i feel firstborns are the teachers. they teach you everything about you. and they set the style of parent you are. [/B]

casina - i agree with your comment about the 1st born being teachers
I have learnt so much about myself and come to realizations about things I want/need to change about myself from Raven - and it has only been 5 1/2 mo!

I have found that I end up holding her a lot even when others are around - I try to hand her off but then she'll start whimpering and look at me and I'll take her right back - and she stops immediately. I do want her to start trusting other people but I can't stand hearing her cry when I know that by holding her myself she'll stop, ykwim?

The past few nights I have been waking up every hour! I am feeling so drained! I wake because Raven is wiggling and kicking and turning over on one side of me and dh is tossing and turning on the other. I try putting my breast in dd mouth so she'll settle down and go back to sleep but it doesn't always work. Sometimes she'll suck and other tomes she'll pull away and keep wiggling - teeth maybe? growing almost definately... practicing rolling over? sitting up? : (her new skill! sitting on her own!)
sometimes i put my head down at the foot of the bed and curl up and sleep down there just so i am not bothered!
i love cosleeping but the past few days i have been questioning whether it is worth not sleeping... then the morning comes and i see her smiling face and I can't imagine it any other way...

Anyhow - this is getting long and the sleeping babe in my arms is now stirring -
thanks for listening - i just needed to rant
cheers
meow

[XmasEve]

Mamameow, welcome, and I know exactly what you mean about co-sleeping! That's about where I am right now.

Leighanne, from your website, I have always thought your dd has the most beautiful hair!

So here's my daily routine:
Wake up between 6 and 8 am.
Baby is happy, we get ready for the day and I eat breakfast (or try to, while she reaches out, grabs my bowl of oatmeal and pulls it off the table...)
Within 2 hours after waking she's ready for a feeding and a nap, so I nurse her and quickly bundle us off on a walk. She sleeps while we (dog and I) walk. That's about 2 hours.
We get home and it's a free for all. She eats when she's hungry, sleeps if she feels like it (but rarely does she feel like it) is happy, cranky, moody. I deal with her and try to get my chores (laundry, dishes, vaccuuming, paying bills, etc.) done.
Between 4 and 5 pm I try to settle her in for a nurse 'n nap so she'll be content by the time I start making dinner at 6 pm.
I start making dinner by 6pm, we eat, I massage and bathe dd, then I nurse her to sleep in the bed. Sometimes it takes 20 minutes for her to fall asleep, tonight it took a record 80 minutes.
Then I get "me" time. I wash the spit-up off of myself. I hit MDC. (Often I spend too much time on MDC, and don't get enough sleep.)
DD wakes every 2-5 hours to eat during the night, but by now we don't even wake up for feedings. Which is a bad thing. It means DD spends almost all night in a wet diaper, which she's fine with but I'm not. I'm trying to break that habit.

So that's my life. Oh, and DH factors in somewhere.

Oops, staying up too late again, I must get to bed.

[jmjello]

My DS totally has that bald spot. It's sad because he has such little hair to begin with!!

[mcimom]

okay meg. sounds like you're getting into a routine that revolves around her. that's great! i did the same w/all 3 of my girls. not a schedule, but a routine based on their needs. and her needs/moods sound exactly like all 3 of my girls.

wake up happy at same time - chilling out while i do chores in the a.m. while they are in good moods.

2 hours later - ready to nap. that is so awesome that you can walk for 2 hours! fresh air. exercise. she gets a nap. the dog gets walked. if nothing else, you should feel like you are doing a great job just from that 2 hours!!!!!

as for the free-for-all, that's pretty much us too. i feed on demand and she can sleep on demand, but rarely does. i found this was the best time to schedule playdates and other activities w/my infants. i did my chores in that a.m. time while they were in a good mood. i let them have their nap (and often napped when i could too - or used this as time to have 'me' time or get chores done if it didn't work in the a.m.).

you might want to do the nap thing at home if you can swing it. she can nap at home from let's say 10-noon. you can do your chores while she's napping. then when she wakes up, have some lunch together - if she's grabbing at your oatmeal, she might like to try a little food. nothing big, but ya might think about it if she seems interested. my kids always seemed to start around 4mo.

anywho, after lunch, then take your walk. she's more aware now and would probably get a lot out of the fresh air and different things to see and that stimulation might keep her from being moody, kwim? so if you're still doing 2 hours, that takes you to 2pm.

maybe chill out at home as she'll probably be worn out from walking (as would you i'd imagine ) nurse her while you read a book or watch TV or log onto MDC. have some down time but together at home time for a few hours.

so that takes us to 4pm - hmmm... what to do? this is usually revving up for the "witching hour" as they call it, but my kids have usually been ready for a nap around now. so if that's so, put her down and if it takes some time, so be it, snooze w/her a little and then get up to make dinner a bit earlier if you can?

5-6ish have dinner. and here's where i suggest a change (though it never happened at my house until my girls were older, so take it FWIW) - have DH give her the bath! you can still do the massage, but give him some 1-on-1 time w/her. my dh likes to get right in the bath or shower w/my girls. that way you can have the 10-15 minutes of bath time to yourself to um...breathe or something novel like that. :LOL

then maybe you'll be up for the 20-60 minutes it might take to get her down for the night b/c you'll at least have had a few moments to yourself just prior.

and for night feedings and diaper changes - PLEASE! do not fret. all 3 of my girls have spent all night in the same diaper since they started "sleeping through" as long as she's not getting rashy, do NOT feel guilty about this. sleep is of much more importance IMO.

i'd involve dh a little more there if you can swing it. not like handing him the baby when he walks in the door, but a few hours later for bathtime would be good for HIM, good for HER, good for YOU!

hth - not that you even asked for advice! : - and it's 1am here so i'm up too late too!

[rebx]

Well, I found that run-down of schedules very helpful!

I've developed a routine without trying to, just following dd's lead, and I'd been wondering how it compared to other babies' days. I'm at home full-time with dd, but dh works in Seattle, and is really wanting more time each day with dd. I'm just not sure how, or whether, to work that out!

Dh leaves at 6:30 every morning, and gets home between 6:30 & 7:00 each evening. For a while, this wasn't a problem, as dd didn't want to turn in for the night until around 10:30, but recently dd has been ready for bed around 8 pm. Dh bathes dd when he gets home, then I nurse her, and dh cuddles her to sleep - And then dh & I eat dinner around 9 pm, or later.

I know that dd would love more time with her daddy, but not at the expense of being kept up past that first happy-drowsy stage after her bath. If we delay the bath & bed routine, she gets frustrated and tells us about it! We do all spend the night together in our family bed, and dd is starting to scoot over towards dh in her sleep - So sweet.

I guess this has been a rambling way to ask - If you're a full-time at-home parent, and your partner works outside the home, how much time does your babe get with their other parent?

[XmasEve]

Leighanne, I really, REALLY appreciate your insights. They were exactly what I was looking for. (Just didn't know how to ask ) I'm getting less antsy about her sleeping habits. Honestly, I finally stopped to look at it and she's getting 12-14 hours a day total, so I know she's well rested. She just needs quiet "recharge" periods where there is no distracting stimulus. I would LOVE for dd to sleep at home and enjoy our walks awake, but she hates walks if she's awake. Don't know why, but I've made that mistake before and suffered through 1+ miles with a screaming baby. I hope that changes as she gets older. The other things I will try to implement, they sound like needed change.

I do have trouble with DD and DH not spending enough time together. DH works 40 hours a week, oftentimes from 3pm to 11pm, so I get no help during that cranky evening period. He also does a lot of volunteer work, as a firefighter, so that's even more time, and even less predictable hours! It's a shame, because he and DD adore each other. I'd say they get to enjoy each other for 1-2 hours a day-- I wish it were more.

[mcimom]

darn meg! i have also walked w/screaming babe. not fun. have you tried slinging her? or is that too hard w/a dog? how 'bout a backpack in a few months? all 3 of my girls LOVED that! looking around from way up high - what could be better? it just seems as they get more "aware" and thus curious, they seem to enjoy the walking more, but maybe not. another girlfriend's ds is better in the stroller b/c he doesn't seem to like the touching as much...they sure are all different.

as for the dh thing. i say baby comes first. and if dh is working 'til past bedtime, that sucks, but i would not keep baby up for his benefit. if all he gets is 1/2 hour a day, well, that's better than nothing. my dh gets home around 4-5pm so he has lots of potential time w/the girls and still only ends up spending about 1/2 hour 1-on-1 (or 1-on-3 as the case may be ) which sucks, but that's his capacity for being in a good mood so it is better than nothing.

dh can also have plenty of weekend time if he doesn't work then. also i found that my dh spends more time w/my kids as i add babies. i.e. he never took maria on her own until i had carmen and then he took maria out all the time. he never took them both out, just one or the other (and more often maria) until i had isabel and now he takes them both out on his own (well, to his mom's house! LOL! on his own - yeah right!) probably around once a week.

so, if you want more time w/dh and babe - get pg. that's my recommendation :LOL

[PiesandAbrosmama]

Ds is 6 months old!! Where has it gone? I would be more upset if I was thinking Abram was my last but DH informed me last week that we could have another So I am sad as my baby is going to be closer and closer to a toddler but am happy that he will not be my last!
Abram has to push those teeth out soon he has been so unhappy ( and who would blame him!). Let's see he will roll across the room to get to what he needs, no thought about scouting just rolling and rolling. Emma and Abram have been playing quite a bit these days, she will lay next to him and make him laugh and laugh, it is really so cute .
Dh and I are going to be married 4 years tomorrow! That is a wonderful thing, I know people say that it takes like 7 to 10 to really be in a good groove but in my opinion 4 years is the graduation for most schooling so we must be graduating!
My mom will be here in a week and get to meet Abram for the first time I can't wait! hopefully all will go well. I hope all you mamas are doing good have a great rest of the week!

[*solsticemama*]

Hi mamas. It's great to read about some of your schedules and see the similarities. I'm really struggling right now with how to entertain ds in a way that is...wholesome...that's not quite the right word but the world of plastic toys or those garish multicolored fabric ones really doesn't thrill me. And yet...the other day when ds was really whining I called my mom in desperation and she said he sounds bored why don't you give him something to play with. His little silk blankie didn't seem to be enough then I remembered a multi-colored cloth caterpillar that makes a crinkly noise when it's grasped. Well he loved it and spent half an hour playing with it then off to sleep for 20 minutes. I was humbled. She was right. She then suggested I buy one of those multi-colored arch things that they lie on the floor and bat at. Today I went out and bought one. And I don't feel entirely thrilled about it. We haven't tried it yet so we'll see. But I kind of feel like this stuff is basically unnecessary since we all did well without it up until 20 or so years ago and that I'm being sucked into someone's marketing ploy to guilt mom's into providing their kids with the correct kind of stimulation. If that makes sense. And yet I know he needs stimulation and does get bored.

Anyway I feel I should be: doing so much more, being more patient, more present, more engaged and so on. Motherhood is so humbling.

[rebx]

Thanks, sky-dancer!

You took the words right out of my mouth! I've been wrestling with the same thing. Dd loves her "activity gym" and gets very excited about the supersaucer that a friend just gave us. I really don't like all of the plastic, the marketing, the fact that I worry about whether I'm providing dd with enough stimulation to reach her full potential (emotional, psychological, intellectual, etc).

My mom has been a great reality check, reminding me that I played with a wooden spoon & a pair of socks. Also, it helps my conscience that I haven't bought any of this mass-produced, plastic stuff new - it's all hand-me-down or garage sale finds, so at least we're re-using. I'd love to have nothing but hand-made wooden & natural fiber toys, but my income prevents that...So, I rotate the plastic amusements with our more "wholesome" toys.

I'm trying to keep it all in perspective, and hope that all of my baby-wearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, long walks outside, singing & talking will balance it out.

[lilyka]

My first child hated toys. #2 was totally into them by about 8 weeks and Ava has just dove into them. She has this snake she totes around. too funny. There is a wole stach of mini-beenie babies from Lilykas babyhood that Ava as now inherited and just loves. I gave in on he plastic stuff with Lily because hse was just so enterttained buy anything she could get her hands on. I felt guiolty denying her everything because I had some notion of how tasteful her childhood should be. I still ban most electronic toys and anything related to disney and most TV characters (Blue and Dora are always welcome here )

We flew with va for the first time this weekend. It was a grueling day. We left our house at 8:00am and drove to m inneapolis (4 hours) where we hung out for an hour before flying to Chicago and then Dallas and then driving from Dallas to the rockin' town of Sanger TX (outside of Denton). We arrived at our final destination around 9:30 pm. She totally rocked. Not one minute of fussy. She just about a well on the way home but there was some funky stuff on the second plane (wierd mold stuff on the walls that not only grossed us out but we are all sick today) which made us all a litle irritable and headachey (I know not a real word). But anyway, what trooper. She entertained everyone on the flight as she is talking up a storm now (finally)

She is starting to sit up and grab things now and she laughed for real this weekend (finally) Maybe she will be a late crawler and walker. She scoots a little but her girth prevents her from really getting a good move on. :LOL Lilyka was crawling and sitting up by this age. It was no fun. I prefer them immobile.

Anoither huge hting is that we have started putting her to bed , telling her good night and leaving the room. she coos a little and then happily drifts off to sleep. A CHILD OF MINE DOES THAT I thought it only happened in parenting fairy tales but no. Some babies are just really like that, On the down side she is also really into her routien/schedule and being at home. If we miss the window or don't have the prefered sleeping place available we will pay. So worth the trade off though!

[tea olive]

ruby mei's favorite toy is paper. the noise id part of it. she has mastered shredding a magazine. she will also spend some time with a long spaghetti noodle. i did find the right thing for her to eat on or really just gum on and play with, i'm okay with a piece of ezekiel bread. she is bored with the plastic toys for the most part already, though she is really the first baby i have had that is interested at all. she also loves the grass though i'm paranoid of fire ants. it's been hitting the nineties all week and it's killing me. she is also intrigued by leafy things. parsley, mint, etc of course we still give her any goofy toy possible especially if i am trying to finish cooking or something, don't be deceived by my suggestions that we are confined to an idealistic earthy thing!

i have found out having older toys, non baby toys are just as interesting, so don't feel confined to the infant stuff. i let her play with dice the other day, watching her like a hawk. so i'm radical that way. ds age 2 was always okay with marbles and pennies after a certain point though i'm not ready for those yet. but i would prefer she learn to spit out cos with ds2 it was alot easier not worrying about choking.

for some reason, i am finding five months, almost six months a charm for me. i'm feeling better these days like my sense of humor is returning, and ds 2 isn't screaming in his sleep anymore.

i spent a good part of my day pumping up a pool with a bicycle pump. i wish i wasn't so overwhelmed by the heat and humidity already, i am sticky most of the day even indoors. ruby just drips sweat in her carseat, it never cools down since the van in not shaded. and i know, it is only the beginning of may. for now i am just stuck with louisiana.

[rebx]

Casina, I'm sending you some of our cool Northwest Spring weather - Feel free to send some of your extra heat this way! It will be months before we'll be able to think about a backyard pool, or letting dd sit on the grass outside (no fire ants here, just lots of permanent damp)...

I switched my Ava to a hip carry in our sling last week, and she's loving it. This morning, she discovered that she can nurse while sitting up in the sling, and she's been alternately nursing and looking up at me, and around at the room, laughing.

The past few days, her teeth have been driving her crazy. She's been teething since 7 weeks, and I'm looking forward to the first sign of her pearly whites - I'll just have to remind of this when she bites me for the first time

[kerc]

hi everyone,
we survived my trip to chicago for business....i think it was great for my dh too. I came back and he was reassured that he could actually cope with dd -- putting her to sleep, etc. -- ALL BY HIMSELF...no boobs to help.

I did have a funny luggage story though. I was forced to (in a frantic last moment at the gate) check the bag that held all the breastmilk I had pumped. Then when I arrived home I didn't see the bag and was almost in tears at the thought of 35 ounces of bm wasting away someplace. I'm sure they didn't xray it (it went though security with me) so I am psyched to have 40 or so ounces in the freezer.

i feel the same way about toys....dd seems to like them so we have some. and we have a handful that were gifts, but honestly she likes the stuff we have in the kitchen drawers just as well. and she loves to play with the little peri bottle with my diaper wipe water in it. the water jiggles around when she holds it and i think she is in heaven. I've also put dry beans into bottles with caps (pop bottles, 20 ounce size) and she rattles that. LOVES it.

the paper....she likes to eat so we have to be careful. but it is fun to set her in the middle of it and watch her crinkle it.