NEED ADVICE! Jehovah Witness nanny...

[RainCoastMama]

(sigh)

So we hired a new mother's helper 3 days a week, 5 hrs a day to help out with the kids while I cook, clean, do errands, etc. etc. Today is her first day and she's WONDERFUL! Energetic, loving, nurturing...a good person. The kids took to her immediately and I was able to get a whack of sorely neglected housework done. DH and I kept shaking our heads saying 'What's the catch?'

Well...I think I found the catch. Maybe. I dunno.

Went into my computer room and sitting on my desk was a JW tract that read 'THE END OF FALSE RELIGION IS NEAR!' I grabbed it and thought it must have come in with the mail, except I hadn't yet brought the mail upstairs. Then I got really bothered, and really steamed. Then I calmed down, and took the tract downstairs and asked her if she put it by my computer. She looked a little flustered for a second, then I don't know if she understood fully, but I gather that she put it by my computer, but I couldnt' get a 'straight' answer if SHE brought it or someone else did. She made it seem as though someone else did and she did me the favor of putting it by my computer...

Ok. So I calmly, in my best social worker voice, explained that we are NOT Christian, that I am Hindu and my DH is Buddhist and we're raising our kids in that style, but that we respect all religions. She kind of laughed it off, seemed embarrassed and somewhat contrite, then we 'made good' and talked about other things.

My house is COVERED in Buddhist and Hindu artifacts and art, statues and religious books, etc. On the walls, on the shelves, I have an altar in the nursery.

My question...gah...what is my question...

Will she continue to leave scripture around? Will she try to brainwash my kids? (I don't think so...) Is it part of her religion to convert us? Does she reflexively disrespect us or feel 'sorry' for us that we're not saved? How the heck is this going to affect how she takes care of my kids???

On one hand, I now feel I can trust her as most JWs I know are 'good people' - no drinking/lying/abuse/stealing/etc. Also, I only see her as short term - 6 mos max. What harm could it be...

Then again...I have no idea! I don't know enough about what she believes in to know if she has any further 'intentions' for us.

At any rate, if she does it again, I'd ask her to leave. It's a wait and see.

Anyone with info or experience? I do feel a little...ill...

Thanks.

[krisw]

Is it possible that she was reading it herself, left it by mistake, and is now worried that you will fire her if she admits it was hers? Or perhaps there was someone passing them out in the area and she took one and just set it down there?

[Joannarachel]

I would need some straight answers from her. Regardless of her religion, prosyletizing on the job is NEVER acceptable.

Tell her, regardless of her religion, you will treat her beliefs with respect, and you expect her to do the same, and that any infraction of this rule, including leaving religious tracts around your house, will result in termination.

[Katie Bugs Mama]

I think that is the tract-of-the-month. Someone left it on my front porch yesterday. Maybe she found it on the porch and brought it in to be helpful? Why can't you get a straight answer from her? Is English not her first language? If so, maybe she didn't undersstand what the pamphlet was.

[chinaKat]

I'd let it go this time. Seriously.

But if it happened again it would be a real problem for me, after this little chat.

[Mama Poot]

Tee hee I had a JW come to my door and hand me that exact pamphlet. I dont think she will brainwash your kids. I also think it is completely acceptable for you to request that she not bring any more literature into the house or discuss religion with your children.

[gamecaco4]

I dont know where your computer is in reference to your front door, but is it possible that JW's did come to the door and she answered while you were in deep cleaning mode? We had that pamphlet dropped off on Saturday. Maybe she did put it on your desk, but it wasnt hers? Just a thought.

[ndunn]

I would proceed with some caution. Thats just me though. Those things are VERY important to me. I hate it when people try and push their religions on my daughter. I see it happening already and she's only 6 months!

[lilyka]

I wouldn't be too bothered by it. if you don't want them in her house tell her not to accept any more/thow them away/whatever and not to bring any religous pamphlets for you that your not intrested and leave it that. if she respects your wishes no harm done. if she doesn't respect your wishes then it goes deeper than a pamphlet and I would let her go.

[WNB]

I think you should be totally up front with her regarding the fact that you are not receptive to receiving information from the JW ministry from her, and you expect her to respect the integrity of your family's religious beliefs, just as you respect hers. And leave it at that.

I was being visited relatively regularly by a couple women who would stop by mid-morning every few months and offer me some religious information from their JW ministry. I was polite and accepted the tracts a few times, but eventually I realized that by my accepting them, they thought I was actually interested in learning more and possibly converting (or whatever one does to become a JW). I finally said, politely, that I just wasn't interested in receiving this sort of information, but thanked them for their neighborliness and wished them well. They were very pleasant and I have not had any more "free" literature left for me. (For that reason, I doubt very much that it was from someone else who just left it at the door for you -- I believe the "missionaries" speak directly with the people they are offering their literature to, and will not just leave it without having spoken with someone first. That may be just my area though, who knows, since she just sort of left it for you and did not speak with you directly.)

Good luck!

[wombat]

Sorry my mom was a JW. I bet she saw that house of yours FULL of 'pagan' ornaments and just felt you needed that JW tract desperately. My mom would always go around muttering about 'pagan' this and 'pagan' that and false religions.

I find JW's are like most other religions in that once you make it clear to them you have your own beliefs, they'll try to be respectful. But it's like those Christians who even when they know you're not religious still say 'bless you' or 'I'll pray for you' all the time. JW's are kinda programmed to 'save' people. If you're firm and clear about your expectations of her job, it'll probably not be a problem.

She's probably fine, just keep an eye on her.

[RainCoastMama]

Thank you to all the mamas who responded. I wrote the email when I was quite upset and your replies helped me diffuse and put some perspective on the situation.

So after the email, I once again went downstairs to clarify what happened, and yes, it turned out that today all the new JW tracts were delivered by people and someone came to the door when I was cleaning and it was put by my computer (pointedly, I guess, as DH would have normally thown them out). Who knew.

BUT.

How coincidental was it that our MH turned out to ALSO be JW when I asked her? Dh and I think the universe was giving us a freebie there. DH was skeeved by the whole situation and his issue is now that our MH may slip some teachings here and there to our kids and that she fundamentally judges us as we're not Xtian. I'm willing to just lay low with open ears as she really is a wonderful person.

Coincidentally as well, I heard my almost 3 yr old excidedly talking about Halloween and showing our MH the 'haunted piggy' (don't ask) that her and her dad crafted. I didn't hear anything wierd come out of the MH's mouth.

So....we'll wait and see..

[piglet0712]

[QUOTE=RainCoastMama;6408779] DH was skeeved by the whole situation and his issue is now that our MH may slip some teachings here and there to our kids and that she fundamentally judges us as we're not Xtian. I'm willing to just lay low with open ears as she really is a wonderful person.

QUOTE]

Okay I know that this seems a little bit on the downside to everyone else's posts but I have to be completely honest. When I read your last post stating the above quote, something told me to post my opinion. I'm a home day care provider and I had a client disagree with my strategies and ethics. Well that became a huge problem. If your MH is a JW, then it's in her nature to act like a JW. (If that makes sense) She may "slip" some teachings unconsciously. I do all the time. I'm a Christian (and I stated in my contract that I am just so my clients are aware of my way of living and my beliefs). And I don't think she'll judge your beliefs. My point is that if this situation is making you feel so uncomfortable that you can't discuss this freely and get some closure with her then it's not a good match. This is coming from a previous experience.

[ICU812]

Hi, I feel compelled to post here since i am one of Jehovah's Witnesses I don't think you have anything to worry about, i'm sure if you tell her not to push it she wont. I wouldn't. Be up front with her, she wont be offended, after all, she works for you so your rules go....... "Will she continue to leave scripture around?" Not if you tell her not to "Will she try to brainwash my kids?" NO "Is it part of her religion to convert us?" NO "Does she reflexively disrespect us or feel 'sorry' for us that we're not saved?" NO "How the heck is this going to affect how she takes care of my kids?" Its not gonna affect anything, i'm sure she will take care of your kids with the utmost respect and caring that anyone else would. We are just "normal" people like anyone else, as far as normal goes some are crazy : you can find all kinds just like you can find all kinds in other religions. HTH

[Lyricc]

Just a quick message.. this is kinda a bit off topic, but at my first apartment, there were two groups of mormons that would come around. I am not christian. I told them both the same thing. "I am not christian, and never will be. Although I respect that you are doing what you believe is right for your religion, please respect my right to not have you "preaching" in my home".. Group number one, two young men, listened and followed.. they never once said a word about religion again. I would see them in the apartments occasionally, and they even helped me carry groceries to my third story apartment (no elevator and it was "big shopping day") without even a joke as to "now you'll have to convert"..

Group numbah two didn't listen. They kept coming back, leaving books of mormon on my doorstep, I was a "hopeless godless pagan, wallowing in sin, begging to be saved".. *snort*.. well, finally I had it. My boyfriend at the time just moved in with me, and one night (NIGHT!) they came to the door. I looked through the peephole, saw who it was, and announced it to my boyfriend. He quickly said he'd answer the door.. when i looked back at him, he had took off all his clothes, except for his pagan pendant necklace, put on his leather trenchcoat (open), grabbed a one foot hunting knife from the wall, and then picked up my cat.. and opened the door, holding said cat by scruff of neck, knife in the other had as though he was about to eat, coat open, williy waving, and BTW, he's six foot five.



they never came back again.

(I know this has nothing to do with the post, but it was amusing, and I had to share. if your MH is a "good" JW, she will have no problem separating her work and relgious life. The fact that you get good vibes from her is promising. OTOH, if she is very strong about it (i don't like to say "fundie"), your words are simply the words of the devil, and your soul is crying for help. but you'd probably know if she was like that by now. )

[Ambrose]

Originally Posted by Lyricc

Just a quick message.. this is kinda a bit off topic, but at my first apartment, there were two groups of mormons that would come around. I am not christian. I told them both the same thing. "I am not christian, and never will be. Although I respect that you are doing what you believe is right for your religion, please respect my right to not have you "preaching" in my home".. Group number one, two young men, listened and followed.. they never once said a word about religion again. I would see them in the apartments occasionally, and they even helped me carry groceries to my third story apartment (no elevator and it was "big shopping day") without even a joke as to "now you'll have to convert"..

Group numbah two didn't listen. They kept coming back, leaving books of mormon on my doorstep, I was a "hopeless godless pagan, wallowing in sin, begging to be saved".. *snort*.. well, finally I had it. My boyfriend at the time just moved in with me, and one night (NIGHT!) they came to the door. I looked through the peephole, saw who it was, and announced it to my boyfriend. He quickly said he'd answer the door.. when i looked back at him, he had took off all his clothes, except for his pagan pendant necklace, put on his leather trenchcoat (open), grabbed a one foot hunting knife from the wall, and then picked up my cat.. and opened the door, holding said cat by scruff of neck, knife in the other had as though he was about to eat, coat open, williy waving, and BTW, he's six foot five.



they never came back again.

(I know this has nothing to do with the post, but it was amusing, and I had to share. if your MH is a "good" JW, she will have no problem separating her work and relgious life. The fact that you get good vibes from her is promising. OTOH, if she is very strong about it (i don't like to say "fundie"), your words are simply the words of the devil, and your soul is crying for help. but you'd probably know if she was like that by now. )

My DH wishes he would have thought of that when the local baptists came to our door and would not accept the polite "no thank yous" we offered them. They even tried to wedge there way into the door! DH is thinking he could have even taken the cat and turned his back to them, crouched on the ground with our cat and start tickling him.... our cat yowls like he's being murdered when you tickle him....

[ShadowMom]

Originally Posted by ICU812

"Is it part of her religion to convert us?" NO [B]

I am under the distinct impression that it is part of the religion to convert others, in fact is it not considered an obligation of theirs and thus the reason that they proselytize door to door?

OP - I thought this was no big deal until I read the part about you watching her while your DD talked about halloween. If you feel like you have to pay attention to that degree, has your trust of her been compromised? It seems like it might have. Maybe you should consider that in deciding whether or not to continue to employe her. Just something to think about. You shouldn't have to "watch" her to make sure she's not doing anything like that, and whether or not she would, if you feel like she MIGHT... right or wrong...

[mammastar2]

I'd just wait and see.

She's an individual, and, particularly given her explanation and the fact that you've been happy about her MH work so far, it would be unfair to draw conclusions about what her behavior in the future will be, based on her membership in a faith.

[jennica]

Originally Posted by ICU812

"Will she continue to leave scripture around?" Not if you tell her not to "Will she try to brainwash my kids?" NO "Is it part of her religion to convert us?" NO "Does she reflexively disrespect us or feel 'sorry' for us that we're not saved?" NO "How the heck is this going to affect how she takes care of my kids?" Its not gonna affect anything, i'm sure she will take care of your kids with the utmost respect and caring that anyone else would. We are just "normal" people like anyone else, as far as normal goes some are crazy : you can find all kinds just like you can find all kinds in other religions. HTH

I'm in the process of leaving the JW religion for various reasons, and I just had to jump in here with my perspective. First, yes, prosilitizing is a part of their religion. Not only is it a part of the religion, it is a MAJOR part, as you are not even counted as a JW if you do not do it. Even if you attend church three times a week, you still do not count as a JW if you do not go out and preach. Converting people is not a requirement, so technically the above poster was right, but preaching, which is what you are talking about, is a part of the religion. She may be what is called a 'pioneer', since you say she only works for you part time. Pioneers put 70 hours a month into the preaching work, and generally a lot more gung ho about preaching to people than the average JW.

Also, what she reflexively thinks of you and your family is this, you are 'worldly' people. 'Worldy' or 'wicked ones' will be destroyed at armageddon, very very soon. Yes, they believe that aramgeddon is coming very soon and only JW's, and maybe a couple other random people that never had the oppurtunity to be preached to by a JW, will survive. JW's have an us versus them mentality, you and your family are 'them', 'worldly' and 'wicked'. Since she beleives that armageddon is coming very, very soon, and your family will be destroyed, as she becomes more attached to your family she will also want to preach to you more so that you will not die. It is very sad really, and I am very ashamed I ever believed such a thing, but I was born into it, so at least I have that excuse.

I am not sure that this will affect how she will take care of your kids. She will not be able to allow herself to become as emotionally attached to them as anyone else would, as she truly believes that they will die very soon if you and your dh do not change you wicked ways. JW's naturally put up walls between themselves and 'worldly' people, I know because those walls are starting to come down for me. I am sure she is a very good person and very honest as most JW's are. You have nothing to fear by having her in your home in that regard.

One last thing, just a heads up on the tract. It is a world wide tract compaign going on right now with the JW's. The JW's believe that before armageddon can happen, there will be what is called a great tribulation, which will start when the end of false religion and a declaration of peace and security is achieved globaly. "False Religion" is any religion that is not Jehovah's Witness, since they of course are true religion. Did you read the tract? It tells how we can identify "true" relgion, and is rather pointed in how it condems "false religion". It is very offensive to many groups of people.

[ShadowMom]

Sorry to get off topic, but does anyone know where I can view the latest tract online?

I am curious now. :