Bex- wonderful. I read every word. I love the 'voice' that you wrote it in- I can picture everything happening. Remind me never to take castor oil to start labor! Sorry you felt pressured to have the baby. So I assume your parents did get to spend time with her after the birth, and were thrilled that she cooperated in coming when they were visiting! I esp. like these parts:
LOL, I am a lip balm addict and was so happy I remembered mine, too! And OOccchhh, yep, the bowling ball, splitting-in-half feeling, very familiar. :
I decided to do it, then to not do it. Then to do it, then to not do it. By the time we left church, I had decided not to do it. 4 or 5 miles down the road I changed my mind. I felt like a Freshman getting ready to do her first shot of whiskey at a party or something. The pressure within myself was insane.
And then, I had to go to the bathroom. What happened next was not pleasant, but wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. I'll spare you the details.
The van was in the middle of the yard because Heath had backed it up to the house to unload the Christmas tree. This annoyed me for some reason. I remember feeling very conspicuous, and like all of my neighbors were watching me waddle, pause, breathe, waddle, eeeease into my seat, wince, shut the door, breathe. None of them were, though.
It was sometime while I was in the tub that I put on some lip balm. I was so happy I had remembered to bring it.
An awful thing that kept running through my mind like a twisted mantra was "Eve's curse, Eve's curse, Eve's curse". It was terrible and I couldn't stop thinking it.
Well, at one point when a contraction was starting to peak I managed to whimper, "I remember the pain now.".
I was bearing down and feeling like I had a bowling ball in my vagina. I felt like it was going to split me in half, I felt like that was really going to happen even though I knew it wasn't.
She cried and I marveled at her. I had done this once before, but it was all so foreign yet familiar. I'd had a baby, but I'd never had this baby. She was perfect to me.