September 04 Mommas -- Gobble Gobble November is here! - Page 3

[chrissy]

hi mamas!

i feel like i am coming out of a fog and one of my post fog resolutions is to keep up with my september mamas.

phew, we have really been through the ringer (wringer?) around here. brian has been struggling with depression for about 2 years now. he's had his ups and downs but really i thought everything was going along fine. so i'm going happily along my merry way, cheerily oblivious i guess. about a week after i found out that i'm pregnant (which was quite planned- by us both) he just totally went down the tubes. he ended up taking a leave of absence from his job, which luckily was fully covered under his insurance as 'short term disability.' he was really a wreck. god, it was scary. i was a mess- hormonal, suffering from really bad morning sickness, scared, feeling burdened. ugh. but he is seeing a good doctor now and taking meds and seems to be on the upswing. he has been home from work for 8 weeks now and is finally going back to work next week. and i am 12 weeks now and feeling much better physically.

okay, i am going to have to cut this short because noah needs me but i want to add a few quick notes.

anna, oh mama, i wish i could give you a big giant hug. you are such an awesome mama. being everything to 2 little ones is exhausting. you are doing so much better than you know.

ashley, thor and anna are gorgeous!! i don't think giant baby=giant adult. i think she will be perfectly tall and strong and beautiful.

okay, more later.
c

[Yo Becca]

Anna - I'm crying from reading your post - I wish I could come over and help and keep you company. I only have the 1, but I totally got flashbacks reading your post from those first weeks/months after RObin was born. When i think about dealing with all those emotions and stress with a new baby while also trying to parent Robin too, it is so intimidating. I remember wanting to scream and cry from not being able to SOLVE her problem, help her to stop crying, even needing to walk away for a few minutes - and then looking at how sweet and innocent she is and wanting to cry b/c i was such a horrid mother. And then a few minutes later, basking in how wonderful she was and how much I loved her. The rollercoaster is so overwhelming. I also had a living situation that made me feel isolated and that Clint and I had no time together. The lack of any privacy/personal space is so much more powerful than it seems like it should be. I remember having lunch with a midwife friend (who didn't have kids at the time, now she has a son) and she cracked a joke about new moms not being able to go to the bathroom alone, like it was sooooo funny - and I wanted to grab her hair and throw her to the ground. Once I regained my sense of humor about such things, I knew I was rounding a corner (although I would never tease another mother about such things - it's not funny when it's your reality. I ended up in the depths of PPD - which took me a little while to recognize and even longer to overcome. I didn't really find this group until I was on the way out. I am determined to try to be as aggressive as possible this time around in recognizing and treating PPD if I get it - including taking meds if that is what I need. ) I hope you KEEP asking for help - if your mom is near enough and available, don't feel bad asking her to help you. Try to find a little time everyday when you can carve out some alone time, even if just for a long shower or short walk. And maybe if you can arrange for a little bit of one-on-one time with each kid - trading off with Jerome, maybe, when he gets home. Big hugs and lots of love to you, mama. How much longer is Jerome's student teaching? WIll he try to find a teaching gig for next semester, or will he have to wait until next year?

Chrissy - I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's health. Depression really is debilatating, and I'm so glad your husband has found a good doctor. It's amazing what a difference good mental health care can make. My brother struggled with depression for a while, with my parents trying to handle it themselves, before they finally sought help. I think it's one of the factors that lead to my father's heart attack - trying so hard to make things right for my brother. When they finally accepted that he needed help they couldn't provide, and he went on medications that helped him, the change was so amazing. He's had other problems since (he has brain damage from u. cord asphyxiation at birth, so his chemistry is all jacked up), but now he and my parents aren't alone in trying to help him. Is your husband looking forward to going back to work?

How are you feeling about this pregnancy? I hope all is well with you and the kids.

[MommyofPunkiePie]

I just got the Britax Decathlon for E after our car accident. It is so nice! Tonight a Mama sent a video to a group I'm in from YouTube about a boy who was 3.5-4 when they got into an accident. He was in a booster and his seat belt came undone on impact causing him to be ejected from the van. His sister was in the exact same type of booster, only her seatbelt didn't malfunction. Needless to say, it was a tribute to her son but also an almost ad for Britax five-point harness seats. The Decathlon goes up to 65 pounds, the Regent goes up to 80 pounds. Sites like shopzilla.com will give you a list of the cheapest places to find the seats; I got mine for $219.99.

[chrissy]

re: carseats. we love britax. noah and lilah are both in marathons (he's almost 5 and 40 lbs and she is 2 and 30ish pounds). $$$$ but worth the peace of mind.

becca, i'm sorry that your brother has suffered from depression too. i'm so glad that he is finally getting outside help. i know brian could not have made it through without it. and yes, a good doctor makes a huge difference. the dr he was seeing initially sucked. he would not return phone calls, even when i called and left a message that we were in a crisis. he was soooooo unhelpful and i thank god we found somebody better. i don't think brian is looking forward to going back to work, but i think he is okay with it. when he first took time off it was going to be 2 weeks, then 3, then 4, then 4-6, then finally 8. but he has realized that he is not happy with his job and is now looking for a new job. the trouble is that the kind of job he is looking for are few and far between. he is applying all over the country. so we'll see. i am feeling pretty good about this pregnancy. i was pretty nervous after the 2 early miscarriages so i ended up renting a doppler around 10.5 weeks. hearing this little one's heartbeat really reassured me. i feel in my heart (and i have from the beginning) that this baby will be okay, but sometimes my mind likes to take over and fill my head with worry. :

anyway, sorry for the book!

[midwestmeg]

Oh, Anna Sick kids are the hardest. Even when you love them to pieces and you know that they are just sick.... it's so hard. I have made a similar call to Greg (it's even more frustrating to call him on his cell and hear him chatting in the truck, fun music in the background) and said 'I will put her boots & coat on and your daughter will be on the front porch waiting for you, because I cannot be in the same room with her any longer.'

And to have a new baby be sick- that's so tough as well. Plus thrush! : Poor mama. I agree with all of the good things you said, but sometimes it's hard to see them. I think what makes my eyes tear when I read your post is the "I just wish I didn't feel so alone now." I certainly know what you mean by that. It's really a depression thing.... a parade could come by cheering your name and you'd still probably feel alone. At least, that's sometimes how I feel. And when you feel like that hearing how 'lucky' you are or how 'grateful' you should be just isn't helpful. : I hope the feeling passes, or that you can go for a walk by yourself or at least make yourself a strong coffee/cocktail/whatever and go sit somewhere by yourself. The dog and I have a small space we hide in by the back of the barn.

Zen; I'm right about where you are, baby wise (lots of pressure, consistent BH, need a rubber band to hold my hips together) but I have convinced myself I won't have this babe until the very end of the month and scheduled accordingly. My back-up dr was soooo laid back yesterday; he asked me if I wanted to come back in one week or two, so my next appt is Nov 22nd- two days past my due date! It was just so great to chat with him and listen to the baby's heart rate ticking away. My back-up dr usually only sees high risk pregnancies, so he thinks I'm a very easy client! I love that he is older and so calm.

Regarding carseats; I asked 'thepeach' from our ddc which Britax she'd recommend using from birth and she said the Boulevard, but when I looked at Britax's I liked the Marathon or Decathlon best- I'm not crazy about the side 'wing' things on the Boulevard, as Jen mentioned. I found free shipping and sale seats at www.specialtybaby.com I also called them and you can return the seat, within 30 days and in the box. So if it didn't work in your car, or with the new baby it could be returned. I was going to just use one seat from birth, as you're thinking, but then I bought my girlfriends Peg Perego that she used for her boy for a few months. It's the 'best' and now I have a bucket- a nice one without having to shell out too much. Car seats-: I cleaned Cecilia's seats (took them completely apart and cleaned every little bit) and I'm going to leave her in them until she needs a booster, or break down and purchase two Britax seats. I'm sure they pay for themselves as soon as you really 'need' them- which hopefully will be NEVER!

Chrissy; how hard for you, mama! I hope that dh can get the help he needs. Depression is hard, especially hard when you are pregnant and moody, too!! I'm glad that your dh was able to get some meds and that you are coming out of that first tri stuff.... hopefully it will level out for both of you.

[AugustineM]

I only have a minute, but hugs to Chrissy and Anna. Anna, yes, keep asking for help. Seriously the biggest thing that helped me was getting out of the house every other day. Even if it was just to a park for 15 minutes, or for a walk. Even now when I feel all of us going crazy at the end of the day I get outside. I just put anna in the sling and give Thor an umbrella (because, well, it's always pouring here) and stand out in the yard for a while.

Also, though, it gets easier. I'm sure you know that, but it does get easier. It was really hard for me in the beginning too, and I was much too short on patience with Thor. I've found as time goes along I have much more patience with him.

OK gotta go... they're getting feral.

edited to add: We're still dealing with thrush here, too. UGH.

[StacyL]

Anna - I know exactly how you feel. I feel those same things many times of late. Unfortunately, not dissing whoever said it, I NEVER feel like a hero. Having two is so much harder than I imagined. Most days I feel like I'm a bad mom in one way or another. The sleep deprivation is the biggest factor in making me ill-tempered, and that is where it all flows from: the yelling at Alex, the anger when disciplining - rather than just firmness in discipline.

Something actually helped me today. I read a very small amount of a book a friend recommended, and it was a big help. I look forward to reading the rest, because I realized that I don't have the first clue about HOW to be a good mom, because no one ever taught me. All I have is the very strong DESIRE to be a good mom, and right now whatever "good mom-ness" I produce is merely coming from that desire. I have zero actual techniques or knowledge to apply because I never had a good example, nor do I have any good ones around me now to learn from. So, therefore, I have a lot to learn.

Anyway, the book was called, "Vocation Of Love" by Agnes Penny.

[zen-ozz]

Hi mamas . . .

I spent the day at the hospital . . . had Eli Bodie at 5:30 this morning! He was 8 lbs 4 oz, 21 inches long. I convinced the hospital to let me come home tonight, so we are all home and comfy and happy . . .

I'll write more later, but now I have to go. I only got two hours of sleep last night . . . time to get our rest!

K

[JenInMpls]

mazeltov!!!! Welcome Eli! Now you're Zen-Ozze



jen

[Yo Becca]

COngratS!!!! How exciting, and I'm so glad you got to come home! I can't wait to hear the whole story - glad to hear you are all doing well! Get some rest!!

(and, if we have a boy it's Eli too, short for Eyler - love the
name!!)

[Almamiel]

Welcome, Eli!!!!! Congrats Kristen and family!

Chrissy - good to hear from you. Sorry you guys have been having such a rough time. Depression is such a deep fog that just surrounds every facet of life

Anna - it's so nice to hear some honesty about mothering - it sometimes made me feel incredibly desperate when my second was a wee babe to think that everyone else was so la la happy when we were feeling like we were spinning out of control. It does get better - though B, who's a SAHD, still has his moments of desperation when the kids have been fighting and shrieking all day long...

[zen-ozz]

here is the link to Eli's birth story . . .

Thanks for all the congrats!

[midwestmeg]

Congratulations, Zen-ozz! I'm glad everything went so well.
Great birth story and welcome, Eli!

[chrissy]

Congratulations Kristin and welcome baby Eli!!!!

[Subhuti]

CONGRATS ZEN!! YEAH ELI!!!!!

Anna- I HEAR you. We are heros for making it threw one single day, that's how I feel. What you are describing is exactly what I go threw at times -- and it is harrowing. And do we get any support from our communities or society? I had such a hard time after Lulu's birth that I made sure that my mom was up for FIVE full weeks after Gingy was born. It was so disruptive to her personal life (her partner didn't *get* why I needed the help... that she's in the middle of a breakup because of it...)

Now Gingy's three months old. I literally couldn't have survived without my mom's presence. *And* my DH was home much of the first month (because school hadn't started).

In the first two months, and no one will believe me but a fellow mother... I got (because Gingy was eating every HOUR at night -- I got a total of TWO to THREE HOURS OF SLEEP A NIGHT. And not in a single stretch. It was a full sixty days before I got ANY sleep more than 2-3 hours total.

Things are better now. I decided I was going to go starkers if I didn't get sleep. So we broke down and broke out the bottle. My DH (emphasis on the dear) for the past month has fed Gingy organic formula at night and co-slept with her while I'm upstairs getting rest, co-sleeping with Lulu. That is what saved me. Gingy's got a really good digestive system and could tolerate the formula, which I believe is wholesome. Initially it screwed up my supply and also there was some nipple confusion, so I felt we were playing with fire. But I had no choice. From lack of sleep I: was losing my milk supply anyway (like it was *all* gone one day), I threw out my back and I became anemic. Now my supply's good and I think the anemia's OK.

So things are better, but, come 3 pm on a weekday (or a weekend, for that matter), I am desperate for help ... my DH is pretty much gone by 6am, and after 9 hours with no break with a toddler and an infant.... I am often times desperate. i feel for you Anna. No one knows just how difficult it is.

And yes, wonderful. But man, it can be hard. Big hugs...


Love
Liz

[StacyL]

Congratulations, Kristin! WHat a nice, uneventful hospital birth!

[AugustineM]

Originally Posted by CatskillMtnMama

So things are better, but, come 3 pm on a weekday (or a weekend, for that matter), I am desperate for help ... my DH is pretty much gone by 6am, and after 9 hours with no break with a toddler and an infant.... I am often times desperate. i feel for you Anna. No one knows just how difficult it is.

And yes, wonderful. But man, it can be hard. Big hugs...

Yep, that. Hugs to Anna and... well, everyone!

And, congrats to Kristin!!!!! Yipeee!! Love the name Eli, too.

[jilly]

Yay! Welcome, Eli! Conratualtions, Kristen!

Hugs, Anna. Hope Jasper gets better soon. How miserable to have him be sick during an already trying time.

chrissy -- my dh has been struggling with depression for a few years, too. i finally convinced him to go to a doctor about a year ago because I just couldn't cope. But it is hard when things seem to be going better and then there's a relapse and you feel like you're back to square one. I'm glad your dh is coming out of the fog, and congrats on the pregnancy and on it seeming to be sticky!

okay, I"m at a youth retreat (other than my IL's visit next week this is my last crazy stressful thing I"m doing before the baby), so I'd better go and be responsible, and stop Andrew from unplugging this lap top.

Jilly.

[banana girl]

Welcome baby Eli!!! Congratulations Kristin on bringing your son into this world with such love and power. Birth is a pretty intense experience, it sounds as though you knew what you needed to do and did it with strength and joy! I am so glad to hear you are home already and that everyone is well... Enjoy your precious little one, wallow in the joy of snuggling his sweet little tinyness. (they change SOOOO fast!)

Chrissy!!! I am always so glad to hear from you!!! So sorry to hear that the last few months have been so emotionally wracking... It's totally unfair when dealing with massive pregnancy illness and handling your own fears of losing this baby, for you to have to focus so much on your DH's needs. But , I guess life is seldom fair, huh? and us Mama's get awfully used to caring for everyone else's needs. I'm so glad to hear he's feeling better and that you are feeling so confident about your child's well being. (I've got a great gut feeling about this pregnancy as well.... before we know it you'll be posting a wonderful birth story and leaving us all in tears!) Welcome back mama, you have been missed!

Thank you everyone for your sympathy and support in response to my post of misery. It's really not THAT bad... but it does make my head spin sometimes. I really love being a Mama, but sometimes I just want to quit, walk away and cry. Other times I want to dance on the table because I feel so loved and joyful. It's weird and overwhelming. Stacy I liked what you said about WANTING to be a good mother, but not knowing HOW. It's hard to know who to ask or what to read to learn how... I enjoyed reading "Nonviolent Communication" , not a parenting book, but a good book about communicating with others.. a key part of parenting. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only well meaning AP mom who wishes she didn't lose her temper and feel like a failure.

Thank you for the concern about my well-being. I'm trying to make a few changes to my daily routines and give myself a little more me time, but Jerome's student teaching goes untill the end of January! so the light at the end of the tunnel seems very far away... But, it will go fast... that much I have learned in the last 5 weeks!

Love to all

[MommyofPunkiePie]

Congratulations, Kristin! Enjoy your babymoon!!!

Samantha