TTC #1 in our 30s - Anyone? Bueller?

[dctexan]

Okay so there are lots of other threads on here that I "fit" with (TTC#1, the wonderful "One thread"), but I thought that it would also be good to have a thread dedicated those of us who for whatever reason have delayed TTC until our 30s.

My name is Emily. DH and I were married 3 years ago, but have been together for 11 years! We have put off TTC for various reasons such as "the time isn't right" (I was in graduate school working on my PhD, DH was traveling a lot for work) and DH not quite being ready (still not sure he is 100% 'ready', but at least he is willing!). We are both 33 and are on a third cycle TTC (CD11 for me today, still waiting to O). My cycles are normally about 30 days (ranging between 28-33 days), but I only recently started charting and checking CF so I am not sure if they are fertile cycles or not. Right now we aren't going anything other than charting and BDing (no meds, no herbs, no OPK) but if this month is a bust we may change our minds about that.

Right now I am feel optimistic that we will conceive some time in the next year, but I do worry that maybe we waited a bit too long. What if we can't get pg? What if we want more than one? I also worry about what happens when i do get pg. Will we have the energy to deal with a child? How will it effect our relationship (it's been only the two of us, plus our fur babies for so long)? Is this going to mess up my career? I know all of these thoughts are normal, but it feel good to share and know that DH and I are not alone in this journey. Wishing lots of to all of us TTC#1 in our 30s

[KitttyKat]

Hey...I can so relate. I'm 38, my guy is 44 and we've just decided that there is no 'right time' so we better get this done before we need walkers. LOL

For us the reasons where more emotional. My mother was very ill (both mentally and physically) for the last 4 years of her life and I, being her only unmarried daughter, got the job of being the primary care giver. I swear, I don't think I ovulated, let alone had sex for the entire 4 years. :

Then we finally got our own place and money is kind of tight.

It's been just us and the dogs and cats for 12 years. It's going to be different not being the center of my own universe one a baby gets here.

I also worry about leaving it too late. If I pregnant this cycle, I'll still 56 when he/she graduates from high school. My mother was 58 when I was 33. And if I decided to have 2, I'd have to have them back to back.
As it is now I feel like I don't have the energy to do my job, how can I chase a child all over the place.

But more importantly, how can I not? How can I grow old and die and not have a family of my own?

[beckyphry]

Hi! Good idea for this thread, Emily.

I'm Becky, I'm 31 and will turn 32 in January. My husband is 27. We've been together for 9 years, married for one. For us, it was just about waiting until we were married, and I needed time to really get over my fear of becoming a parent. We were young when we got together, and it took quite a while for my husband to be ready for marriage. He's actually been ready for kids a lot longer than I've been! I went off the pill in May 06 and started charting, but we weren't TTC. We tried for the first cycle in September and I got pregnant! But I miscarried, sadly, and that just finished up last week. So now I'm back to waiting to ovulate.

Even though I'm "only" 31, I worry about my fertility, about being able to maintain a pregnancy, and about having a second child. From charting I know that I have a short LP, and I'm afraid that because we only just started TTC my doctor won't do anything about it until it's been a year. I'm basically a big worrywart!! My mother had 4 kids under the age of 10 when she was my age! Losing my first pregnancy made me realize how bad I really do want kids, and I feel SUCH an urgency to get pregnant again NOW. We're going to wait this cycle out and see if I ovulate and what AF looks like, but I do want to start trying again after that.

[ann109]

Hi! Count me in!!!! I'll be brief, b/c um, I have ewcm and DH is around...

But thanks for starting this thread!!!

Me, 33 almost 34, DH 28 almost 29. TTC#1, fourth cycle, freaked out I'm sterile or going through early menopause....you know the deal. I skipped temping this month, since I seem to ovulate regularly and temping was making us both batty. All of my friends have teenagers now and all got pg on accident. UGH!! So they think I'm a little off, but happily and anxiously awaiting a BFP with me.

It's good not to feel alone!!! If 60 is the new fifty, 30 is the new 20, right

[dctexan]

Go Ann go! Catch that eggie! We can wait and learn more about you during the TWW. DH is out of town right now otherwise I'd be BDing right along with you (BTW that didn't sound kinky in my head, but re-reading it...)

Becky, you already know that I think you are awesome and that my fingers are crossed for you.

Kittty Kat

[beckyphry]

Is there no one else in their 30s TTC number one? Really?

[dctexan]

I know Becky, apparently we are freaks!

[ItyBty]

I just turned 30 in Sept, and we'd been trying for a year already then, but I guess I'm TTC #1 in my 30's now. Jeez - where did time go? Honestly, if I'd had any clue it would take over a year I'd have started trying on our wedding night. Hell, at least it would have avoided all the condoms we "wasted" for our first 3 years married.

[KitttyKat]

Am I the oldest woman on this board trying to make a #1?
That's scary. LOL

[dctexan]

Happy belated birthday Ity!
Looks like we are cycle buddies this time around.
I totally hear you on that condom thing. I blame it all on high school sex ed. They really made me believe that all it took was one time of unprotected sex and BAM! pregnancy. Ha! Liars.

[KitttyKat]

Then again...high school was 20 years ago for me. :

[beckyphry]

You guys are cracking me up!

Welcome, Ity!

[PiePie]

me, me, me!

Emily, thank you sooo much for starting this thread. I had considered doing so myself but then I feared that there would not be others and it would reinforce my fears of "Advanced Maternal Age." :

I am 35; DH is 39. We got married a little under a year ago and are now TTCing on our first cycle. I went off the pill recently and frankly I wish I had been better educated on the time lag it could possibly take for fertility to return. Nonetheless, I got a high reading on my fertility monitor, so I am optimistic!

I have had baby fever baaad forrreeever but it took me a long time to find a right guy. To be honest, I think my baby fever undermined my love life, because I put too much hope, and hence pressure, into relationships too early, because I soooo wanted it to work out so I could be a mommy. I wasn't until I gave myself permission to have (adopt) a baby whether I found a partner or not that I was able to focus on the full range of aspects of a relationship. And then I found my love.:

We want 2 children, approximately 2 years apart (might have wanted to spread them out little more but for age).

What gives me perspective is that I live in a place where a LOT of women have babies in their late 30s.

Check out the TTC#1 list and you will see that there are other 30-somethings.

[dctexan]

PiePie - Welcome to the thread!
With "advanced maternal age" comes great wisdom....or something like that
Anyway, please know you are not alone. I am glad you live in a community with other "older" mamas. I am an academic myself so I also see quite a few women having baby # 1 in their 30s and 40s. Kind of gives me hope. Of course I didn't really know until I started getting on the board and such just how much effort goes in to making those later-in-life babies.

I had baby fever really, really, really badly in my early-mid 20s (like the actual physical craving for a baby) and I think it scared the crap out of my boyfriend (now DH) at the time. I had to get the baby fever under control before we were able to move on in our relationship too. I think I actually had to be okay with the idea that we might NOT have kids before DH could even consider the possibility (of course it doesn't hurt that most of his friends now have kids too). My current baby fever is much more of a mental and rational thank goodness.

[B2*]

I'm 1 month away from 34 & DH is 46 .. we have been together for 7 years & never thought it was the right time... we aren't ttc yet, but might start in Feb or March... I always thought i'd only want one, but now I think I want 2 or 3. I will want to have them one after another.

I'm taking these last few months before ttc to really get my body in optimal health so everything goes smoothly. I'm going to start tracking my charts now.

Oh.. this is our first, for both of us.

[funnygrace]

Hi, me too. I'm 35... It is taking a while to get preg. We've been trying for a little over a year. And I know that I am starting to feel the effects of aging in some ways--my body is a slightly different (less ewcm, for example--wrinkles, for another), my mind is different. But I am so much happier, healthier, well-balanced, and calm than I was when I was younger... And I enjoyed having a long time to be young. I have strong friendships and a real community. There is no comparing to be done, because things will be as there are, but I will enjoy being an "older" mom. And both DP and I are totally into it and in a good place in our lives. Not totally set, but secure enough in our paths and better able to handle curve balls.

I don't know too many younger moms in my life (though young moms are great--and there are some neat things about that relationship that I'll miss), so I don't feel out of the norm. I do know many people my age starting families. One thing that I am faced with more because I am a little older and ttc #1 is the odd knowledge that I might not be a mom. It's there. I think I'll be able to get pregnant, and so do my health-care providers, but it is an unknown.

It is funny to be on these boards though. I really respect and admire the women here, and I am always shocked to find out that they are not ten to fifteen years older than me, they are 10-15 years younger!

[dctexan]

Originally Posted by funnygrace

It is funny to be on these boards though. I really respect and admire the women here, and I am always shocked to find out that they are not ten to fifteen years older than me, they are 10-15 years younger!

Yep. I don't really think of myself as old until I go places and see things like "To purchase alcohol you must have been born on or before this day in 1985". Then I think "1985! Holy crap! I remember 1985 vividly. How can those babies be drinking already! Good god I'm old". LOL

Anyway, welcome to the thread. I agree with you that being older has it's advantages in terms of having supportive stable friends and a real community.

One thing that I am faced with more because I am a little older and ttc #1 is the odd knowledge that I might not be a mom. It's there. I think I'll be able to get pregnant, and so do my health-care providers, but it is an unknown.

I hear you on this too and I have to say it kind of scares the crap out of me.

[ann109]

um, no time_ to post_ still bding_+opk today at 4pm_hard_to_catch_breath_
DH and I are having lots of fun!!! I'll post soon! Glad to see all of you !!!

[Cattibrie]

Count me in. My DH and I are both 32. We've been married for 11 years. We've known eachother since high school. Neither of us had nor wanted children... for various reasons. Over the course of this past year we decided that we're ready and want them now, so in mid-december we're going to begin TTC.
Good luck to everyone.

[KitttyKat]

I have a much younger girl friend who has a childhood, and an insane parent, similar to mine. We got to know each other before we really knew anything about each other. We just bonded over being jilted by a parent.
She asked why I didn't have kids and I was joking and said 'Too Old.'
Then I find out I'm 15 years older then this girl.
She's just turned 23 and now she thinks it's hilarious to call me Mom.
It's scary to think I really could be her mother and now I'm trying to give birth for the first time.
SCARY!