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post #41 of 160
Lisa- he plays anything. He plays games on the XBox 360, Playstation 2, and original X-Box. He had his X-Box converted by some hacker dude to hold thousands of games, from old Atari stuff to original Nintendo, to everything in between, and he can burn games to his harddrive. And he plays online so he can play against his friends when he's not at their houses playing against them. So, it really sucks. And he already has a Playstation 3 on hold for when it comes out November 17th. :
post #42 of 160
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DecemberSun View Post
Lisa- he plays anything. He plays games on the XBox 360, Playstation 2, and original X-Box. He had his X-Box converted by some hacker dude to hold thousands of games, from old Atari stuff to original Nintendo, to everything in between, and he can burn games to his harddrive. And he plays online so he can play against his friends when he's not at their houses playing against them. So, it really sucks. And he already has a Playstation 3 on hold for when it comes out November 17th. :
OMG, you poor woman.

When I was living with my ex, he was always playing WOW, but since I moved away, he isn't playing it as much, and is noticing all the time he missed with us, playing that stupid game (hey, I'd prob. be addicted to it too, if my computer was good enough)... we might get back together again. He has truely 'learned his lesson', like I had hoped for.

so, maybe moving away from him, so he can live in his filth, and endless gaming, will put him in his place. It worked for me! I know you can't do that, with all those kids, but it's a thought.
post #43 of 160
honestly, i don't know how ppl do the gaming thing 24/7. i guess we as a culture have addictive personalities.....

BALANCE, there must be balance!!! :LOL
post #44 of 160
Thread Starter 
lisa, what's your WoW username? Marty's is yunksnashman.... if you happen to come across him (hes a legend: )
post #45 of 160
we dont have any games like that in our house.

my dp and i both spend far too much time on the interent though..
post #46 of 160
Quote:
Originally Posted by majazama View Post
so, maybe moving away from him, so he can live in his filth, and endless gaming, will put him in his place. It worked for me! I know you can't do that, with all those kids, but it's a thought.
Actually, that wouldn't be as hard as it sounds. I take care of everything anyway, so it's almost like he's not here most of the time. I am seriously contemplating it, even though I don't particularly *want* to, YK? I am constantly going back and forth between trying to calm down and put up with it and refusing to take anymore...

My DH is not a bad guy, he's just incredibly selfish, lazy, and immature, so it makes him very difficult to live with.
post #47 of 160
what do you do when you have a problem with him? do you yell? nag? whine? do you threaten? what can we come up with that will actually confuse him and make him think and possibly get to where we can draw up a written contract? could you go on a vacation without him? do we hire a guy to pretend to court you? would it be enough for us to make you over and have you look stunning all the time? it seems like much of your problems has to do with proximity. is there any way he can not work from home? are his games in the middle of family room and can we relocate it to a solitary place, and make it more difficult and inaccessable - at least out of easy sight? can we run the gaming center to tiny shed at the end of the yard? can we just assume that he will never ever fix food? can sex be withheld? does he want things to work?

i'm willing to guess that he is a visual person and needs a big block letter sign at the very least to comply to a request.

i actually promised my kids that we would get the new nintendo wii for the holidays. the fact that at their age we have not had a gaming system yet has made us an anomaly. we already don't watch tv or have cable. now i'm secondguessing that of course. there's too much fighting amongst all of us lately.

my whole family is addictive personalities. and we have to be hit on the head for a long time to get the lesson.

maybe the changes have to be baby steps. change the food problem. decide that anytime you are gone between a certain time, that dinner is going to be a certain thing, like you will order pizza. order one you like and one the kids like. and make it exactly the same thing everytime so it gets easy, and the first time tell him he has to make sure it is cleaned up. and maybe he would catch on eventually and offer to order the pizza himself.

i'm thinking that a serious videogame addict would be really good at ignoring his body cues n therefore not be able to provide that well. that is icing on the cake that generally men do not have intuition or mothering instinct. they have to process parenting habitually or intellectually.

it reminds me yesterday a friend telling me that her prenup basically existed so that she could make it very clear her dh how she need and loves animals and her goal was always to have horses in her backyard, and that she would not be a nice person otherwise. i'm wondering now if your dh is able to understand how fostering is part of YOUR package. his behaviour suggests that he sees you as a pie where his piece is getting smaller and perhaps he has hit his limitation on what he can provide. i'm guessing he sees the kids as YOUR project and he is peripheral. and he might be intimidated because he does not know how to help and doesn't understand the clues. i think with this pg you need to look at your acceptance of him and your faith in the marriage, and have some good real one on one talks with him, the kind where you confess you need his help. perhaps it is applying to his sense of heroic. how can he win this game? think about and ask him - what three simple tasks can he easily pick up, starting with one this month and adding another in six weeks, (and do his way without your meddling!) before the baby is born that will make a world of a difference to you?

i'm sorry to be so interfering while you are pg leah. but i'm a little worried about how things are going to go when you have the baby.
post #48 of 160
Quote:
Originally Posted by tea olive View Post
what do you do when you have a problem with him? do you yell? nag? whine? do you threaten? I've had the conversation with him so many times that all I have to say is "you're starting to slack off again" for him to know that I need his help. what can we come up with that will actually confuse him and make him think and possibly get to where we can draw up a written contract? I think I'd haver to seriously kick him out for awhile for him to get that I am really serious, because talking to him obviously isn't getting the point across. The written contract is a good idea, as is a 50/50 split of the bills. If he's not going to help out at home with the foster care then he needs to work more at his job to keep everything fair. could you go on a vacation without him? We've been thinking about this, just to reconnect, but I don't think it would help him actually DO anything- he says all the time how he appreciates me and needs to help more, but he never actually changes, YK? do we hire a guy to pretend to court you? would it be enough for us to make you over and have you look stunning all the time? I just cut my hair two weeks ago (professionally), and got it colored, and I actually have to "do" it every day, and DH seems to like it when I make myself presentable, but he still makes me do all the work. it seems like much of your problems has to do with proximity. is there any way he can not work from home? I would love it if he worked more. are his games in the middle of family room and can we relocate it to a solitary place, and make it more difficult and inaccessable - at least out of easy sight? can we run the gaming center to tiny shed at the end of the yard? I think I'd never see him again can we just assume that he will never ever fix food? I don't expect him to help out with the cooking, but he certainly can fix up a sandwich or salad for the kids for lunch when I am not home. can sex be withheld? Yes, he hates it when I do that... does he want things to work? He says he does, but yet he never really changes.

i'm willing to guess that he is a visual person and needs a big block letter sign at the very least to comply to a request. Or a big smack across the face.

it reminds me yesterday a friend telling me that her prenup basically existed so that she could make it very clear her dh how she need and loves animals and her goal was always to have horses in her backyard, and that she would not be a nice person otherwise. i'm wondering now if your dh is able to understand how fostering is part of YOUR package. his behaviour suggests that he sees you as a pie where his piece is getting smaller and perhaps he has hit his limitation on what he can provide. i'm guessing he sees the kids as YOUR project and he is peripheral. and he might be intimidated because he does not know how to help and doesn't understand the clues. i think with this pg you need to look at your acceptance of him and your faith in the marriage, and have some good real one on one talks with him, the kind where you confess you need his help. perhaps it is applying to his sense of heroic. how can he win this game? think about and ask him - what three simple tasks can he easily pick up, starting with one this month and adding another in six weeks, (and do his way without your meddling!) before the baby is born that will make a world of a difference to you? He see me as his mother, who will clean the house, cook the food, pay the bills, and make money by taking care of the foster kids, so all he has to do is play guitar, play video games, work every once in awhile, and spend the money. I am getting tired of running around all day taking care of everything while he is sitting on his butt. If he's home, I would like him to help me. If he doesn't want to, he needs to leave. He doesn't want to grow up and have adult responsibilities, like taking care of a house and property and bills, and I don't know how much longer I can wait for him to grow up, YK? (He's 30!)

i'm sorry to be so interfering while you are pg leah. but i'm a little worried about how things are going to go when you have the baby. Me too. I have a LOT to do every day, so I hope the baby can cope with nursing in a sling all day, otherwise the house and kids will fall to pieces!
Thanks so much, Casina.

I don't want to keep bringing this crap here, so I apologize for that. I fele pretty good today. Most of it has to do with how pissed off I allow myself to get...
post #49 of 160
Thread Starter 
marty was always home all the time too.: THAT can be what really makes it suck. You can't get away from them. So we'd spend our time argueing a lot. or just emotionaly abandoned (which is the suckyist thing ever)

leah, he needs a wake up call. seriously. It could take a few months for him to get it. I hope it all is good by the time your baby is born.
post #50 of 160
The thing is I would love to have the extra help from him taking care of the kids, so I usually wouldn't mind him only working part time. But he doesn't even do *anything* that needs to be done, not even the normal every day resposibilities required by an adult who owns a home. So it gets frustrating. Yeah, he needs a wake up call. I am so tired of the whole thing, YK?

Seriously, there are things I love about him, and we have 8 1/2 years together, and a child (w/ one on the way), and we're raising foster kids together. We have fun together. But when it gets right down to the day-to-day stuff I am tired of being the only one working so he can still be a kid and live his own life. All my time and money goes to the kids, which I love, but I did not sign on for this on my own. He did help, once upon a time, he's gotten much lazier over the years. And he doesn't seem to care how stressed out I am, or how tired I am, or how unhappy I am. So I try to grin and bear it and realize that I can't change him, I can just change the way I react to everything, blah blah blah. But I just wonder how much of this do I have to take? I imagined my husband as a security guard, caretaker, handyman, romantic, beautiful creature, and he ended up being a very selfish, immature, lazy boy. I love him, but I don't love being used up by him.

So, can we change the subject? How's it goin' in old Canada, eh?
post #51 of 160
ive come to realise that it is a struggle either way.. with them or without them. i guess we all just have to make a decission which strugle we would rather live.
*sigh*

strength and love to you all..


im off to do the dishes and laundy...
post #52 of 160
Thread Starter 
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vmZL0fmhTbA I just saw this, and thought of you, leah.
post #53 of 160
i enjoyed that.

how tall are y'all's almost fours now? ruby is now 3 1/2 feet tall. my other two are 6 inches taller than the younger. i think all of them will be taller than me at 10 years old - i'm 5'3". their bigness intimidates and confuses me and then there is that strange pride. i am just glad ruby has those long legs because my stubby ones bug me. but when she is a teen they will be very weird to live with.

today ruby and i were in front of the cold drink case when we saw a female friend. ruby decided to showoff her bridge (she calls it some kind of handstand) and that was when her skirt flipped up and we discovered that ruby had no panties and all her glory was up in the air. two days ago it was 43 degrees and today is in the 70s so ruby dressed herself in a strappy sundress. what make us laugh even more was that she had a black velvet skirt hiding under it, but no yoni cover. i guess i was so surprised because she almost always makes an effort to cover her butt - side effect of two older boys teasing, unfortunately.

okayi just went to the library and will resume my fiction and movie addictions and see if that will relieve my moods. i also started knitting a something.
post #54 of 160
hi, my youngest of 3 is 4 and I am happy to see that summer clothes seem to be a common theme. I keep our house warm and she is always shocked when we get outside and it is cold, although I have told her all morning you need to get dressed in warm clothes:l
post #55 of 160
Dc is about 41 inches. We were at SeaWorld in January and she was sad she was too short to ride the rides. We had agreed to go back at Thanksgiving if she was tall enough (42") then. Whew, dodged a bullet!

She's barely 30 lbs though. Anyone else still rearfacing?

Re: video game and/or other time-consuming addiction. I approached that problem from two angles. First, I had to really step back and become objective. That was dh's only outlet, and it was just an unfortunate coincidence that it really bothered me. So before getting really cranky about it, I had to ask myself if my nagging was fair. Second, if it WAS taking time away from the family, I needed to be clear about that, up-front and not a martyr. So if he sat down to play or watch, and there was honestly something else he could be doing, I asked him. "Since I see you have some leisure time right now and I have to wash the kids, please do the dishes." Only fair requests, only made once, and he knew it. It helped. But probably what really helped was when we moved and the PS2 was packed in a box for 2 months! We moved into this house in July and still haven't hooked up cable, so there's been no tv service. We have a fair amount of DVDs, and rent freely from the library, so it's not like we've been roughing it. But dh recently went out and bought a cheap antennae and has been watching the games on the weekends. It really bugs me. I know I shouldn't complain, but the phrase "slippery slope" keeps ringing in my ears...

Oh, and dc was quickly becoming a couch potato like her dad and THAT really shook him up!
post #56 of 160
i can totally relate to the small child issue..

no he's not rear facing carseat because he has such long legs that if i put his seat that way his knees are in his face, and truthfully i think its less safe that way...its tricky..

a story about being small..

we went to ikea the other day and elwynn really waned to go into the play area with my sister melody..so he took his shoes off and put them in a bin and and got the stupid vest # thing on and we waited in line patiently only to be told he was too small. he was really upset. he didnt cry, but i could see in his eyes that he was hurt. i felt sad too.. he's just such a little guy. there are 3 and 2 year olds taller than him and i know that as he gets older he thinks about it more and more.. that he is a lot smaler than most ther kids his age.

i guess the part that bothered me the most was that the guy said "its a safety issue.. he could get hurt" but its a totally childproof, contained area..and elwynn is a pretty smart guy.. but he wouldnt make an acception.. even though i told a white lie and said he is small because of a medical reason.. which he sort of is... but not really at the same time.
anyways.. the guy just looked right past me and helped the next person..

oh well..elwynn told me "i like being small" and shrugged it off and we had fun shopping together.



Quote:
Originally Posted by XmasEve View Post
Dc is about 41 inches. We were at SeaWorld in January and she was sad she was too short to ride the rides. We had agreed to go back at Thanksgiving if she was tall enough (42") then. Whew, dodged a bullet!

She's barely 30 lbs though. Anyone else still rearfacing?

Re: video game and/or other time-consuming addiction. I approached that problem from two angles. First, I had to really step back and become objective. That was dh's only outlet, and it was just an unfortunate coincidence that it really bothered me. So before getting really cranky about it, I had to ask myself if my nagging was fair. Second, if it WAS taking time away from the family, I needed to be clear about that, up-front and not a martyr. So if he sat down to play or watch, and there was honestly something else he could be doing, I asked him. "Since I see you have some leisure time right now and I have to wash the kids, please do the dishes." Only fair requests, only made once, and he knew it. It helped. But probably what really helped was when we moved and the PS2 was packed in a box for 2 months! We moved into this house in July and still haven't hooked up cable, so there's been no tv service. We have a fair amount of DVDs, and rent freely from the library, so it's not like we've been roughing it. But dh recently went out and bought a cheap antennae and has been watching the games on the weekends. It really bugs me. I know I shouldn't complain, but the phrase "slippery slope" keeps ringing in my ears...

Oh, and dc was quickly becoming a couch potato like her dad and THAT really shook him up!
post #57 of 160
GA is short. Not sure how many inches but most of her friends are a head taller. Last year sometime we had the same ikea experience except she cried and cried. Anyway we've only gone without her since but I think she'd be tall enough now.

She was rear facing until last January when we turned 3 and was 32 pounds. I am Certified Car Seat Tech and FREAKY about car safety.

VOTE everyone PLEASE!!!!!!!
post #58 of 160
k is 3 feet tall. Now, that is short. :P
our scale is broken, but i don't think she's ever topped 25#. I'll have to re- weigh her somewhere, but not this week. She stopped eating basically when she got sick last week and is even thinner. :/

i try to get her to eat- i even let her eat french fries to get some extra fat. (although i know they are really gross)

oh well. wes and i are both small people. i'm 5'4 and wes is like 5'8. we both have pretty small builds.


and wtf i just realized there is a whole page of posts that i didnt' get notified for. GRRRRRRR
scrolling up to catch up.....
le sigh

oh, jaz- there are like a TON of servers. I'm on the eonar server. Which is dp on?
post #59 of 160
Thread Starter 
haeven is 41 3/8" tall (just measured). I guess thats about the same as ruby! wow, casina, on producing those big kids. I am about 5' 10", dad is 6' 2" so its easy for my kids to be tall.

lisa~ I thought of that after I postd that. I don't know which one he's on, but it's probably a different one. We're on the west coast here.
post #60 of 160
just read your post leah- goddess i'm so sorry. seriously, i'd give that fucking guy a boot in his ass. he sounds like a total idiot!!! i mean, you are beautiful- inside and out.
i understand he has his good sides (althogh i'm not sure what they are ) but it sounds like to me you are raising the kids and running the house, with very little "together " stuff going on in actuality.

maybe he can move back in with his mother, if he wants you to be his mom so badly.

hugs and loves sweetie.
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