PTSD crisis

[PiePie]

i had a triggering event in my life 3 days ago. I am still devastated by it -- you know, that shocked/dissociated state where you can't make simple decisions like what to have for dinner (or even motivate to get dinner) and get lost in familiar places. : I was so messed up that I missed my therapy appointment yesterday. :

Intellectually, I know that I need to reach down into myself and pull out some of that good ole survivor toughness and march through the situation. Instead what I'm doing is reading MDC addictively for comfort and community. I guess that's not the most self-destructive thing I could be doing, huh? But I am having trouble moving to the next level and coming out from being (metaphorically) curled up in a ball and hiding from all the things that hurt me so badly. I have an appointment today that is going to be adversarial and yucky and that only I can (should) do.

[Mybabymommy]

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Not know any other details, I'd say that 3 days ago is only very recent. I'd not expect you to overcome a great shock in so little time.

Do you have help, support or understanding friend to perhaps come over and help you get on top of things or at least not slip to far behind? Do you have a friend other than a therapist that you can just call and talk to? What about a support group related to your issues that you can perhaps drop into a meeting of?

Good luck and lots of comfort and healing vibes to you.

[PiePie]

Thank you, mybabymommy, for posting! It meant SO much to me.

I have told only DH, one other friend (who is long-distance), and the therapist, with whom I had an unsatisfying phone session in lieu of the in-person visit I messed up. DH is being phenomenonal, which is particularly amazing since he never knew me to be in crisis about this -- I thought I had conquered those demons long ago, and then I was in a situation that replicated the original abuse and it shook me to the core. The good news is that I am getting out the situation and that I survived the confrontation today -- with tears, but I believe they can be a sign of strength (to own and validate pain). Not sure who "won" that confrontation -- time will tell...

The reasons I haven't told more people IRL are (1) shame (this cannot be underestimated), (2) career ramifications if professional connections find out (unfortunately I am not imagining that). Related to (1) is my worries about how people will react -- if they don't react well, I don't want to have another disappointment to deal with at this time.

Again, thank you for posting. from the bottom of my heart.

[Shantimama]

Is the therapist someone who is usually helpful? If so, can you schedule another in-person session? I find phone sessions so limited and awkward most of the time, very different from being there in person with a set time to be together.

[PiePie]

yes i love the therapist -- has been mine on and off since 1993!! so she gets me. don't know if i'm just inconsolable right now or if it was just one of those bad sessions. i have an in-person with her next week.

i am really proud of myself for handling the confrontation so well yesterday -- i feel like i took my power back at least a little bit. dh said he could see a different energy about me yesterday.

i am still having trouble with making small decisions : -- like dh sent me a list of restaurants to go to last night, and i was just like, you choose. same with movie for tonight.

underneath the confusion and sense of being lost is this huge sadness. : it's like i can only absorb a little at a time and that's why i'm dissociating...

any ideas for boosting my mood?? for protecting myself instead of being out there and lost-feeling?

can i just tell you that ptsd sucks!!!

[Shantimama]

I know it does. I am glad you already have a good relationship with a therpist - taht will help as time goes on.

Music usually helps me and so does exercise. Can you combine the two? Go for a long walk with some headphones on. Listen to whatever music your heart tells you is the best for today.

Eat well and drink lots. Put fresh sheets on the bed tonight, take a bath and get into bed and sleep as deeply as you can - make yourself a little nest with all of the clean sheets and nice scents if that is comforting for you. Rent a mindless movie and enjoy the escape for a little while. Do what you need to until you get to that appointment next week and then you can regroup.

Take care.

[PiePie]

Shantimama, thank you for posting! twice! I have been up and down, not "better" yet by any stretch. trying to take care of myself though. your suggestoins are all good. DH is taking it as his personal mission to implement them. he also added sock puppetry, which is really cute!

hoping your good vibes spring back to you more bountifully.

[lilysmama1124]

Hi! I'm new to this forum but I am glad I checked it out. I had an upsetting session with my therapist on Thur. as we were disucssing abuse stuff. I have just starting talking about/dealing with those issues so sometimes it just throws me off. I have been out of it since then and just laying around crying. It has helped me to spend some time out of the house but I can't stay out too long before I just want to hole up at home. My Dh is being great too but since I am 37 weeks pregnant I can also sense that he is getting a little worried about how I will handle the baby. Anyhow- I don't really have any advice other than hang in there. I just rented a movie and am going to just "zone out" in front of the t.v. hopefully I'll snap out of it tomorrow.

[PiePie]

I have the same curl up in a ball instincts too!! went to a movie last night -- made it worse. went to a museum today -- made it worse. went out to dinner -- made it better. but it is very hard to push myself to get out of the position with the computer in my lap. I LOVE MDC!

[sphinxie]

Aww, sounds dreadful. Good on you for handling the confrontation and taking your power back!!

Let's see. You could make sure you get some outdoor air and/or sunlight. I agree that mildly vigorous exercise, just enough to get the blood flowing, can help. Do easy things. I like to watch extremely familiar movies when I'm weirded out, esp children's movies... for me this means specifically The Labyrinth Also documentaries instead of dramatic movies. A nice hot bath as a pp said... A stroll or windowshopping can also be good.

Remember to breathe. Take some deep breaths.

I think it's fine to curl up in a ball for awhile, just so long as you don't curl up so tight that you get stuck.

[PiePie]

I am shamelessly bumping myself up because I know how to ask for help when I need it. I am now a little more than 2 weeks into the crisis. I need a reminder that these things end eventually. I am doing good at taking sphinxie's advice to not stay curled up in a ball.

[Shantimama]

Good for you. How are things going?

[PiePie]

shantimama, thanks for posting! i am doing somewhat better today. emotionally exhausted, but hanging in there. have nice support lined up for the weekend, so i just have to hold on till then...

[PiePie]

bump

if anyone else has any clues for how to tackle the world while suffering from a post-traumatic stress disorder flare-up, please let me know. I have a big job interview coming up, which could get me out of this relive the original abuse env't (please, God!) once and for all. But I also have to see the superior who acts like my abuser for two days this week. I am dreading it; can't afford to be thrown off my game! It's not like I'm so on it to begin with...:

[camprunner]

I don't have any advice but I want to read along for yours because I just had a triggering event on Thanksgiving day and I'm not sure how I'm making it through life. I was tempted to call in sick this morning but made it through.

[PiePie]

camprunner: i am sorry about your triggering event. how are you doing today? i am depressed in a paralyzed sort of way, but a little less than yesterday.

[camprunner]

Originally Posted by PiePie

camprunner: i am sorry about your triggering event. how are you doing today? i am depressed in a paralyzed sort of way, but a little less than yesterday.

I'm slowly getting a little better. It happened on Thursday and I was forced to stay with the people who caused it until Friday morning which didn't help matters. So it's been about 4-5 days. I'm very very slowly starting to come back to reality with the help of a supportive husband and a few supportive friends that know. Triggers cause violence with me right at the trigger so a lot of my problem is just being really disappointed in myself that I actually hit someone (several times). I'm not normally a violent person unless the wrong person (there are only two wrong people) say the wrong words. The worst part is that they know what those words are and they still say them!

Sorry for the vent. I'm not currently on meds but I think I'm going to have to be soon.

Thanks for asking.

[PiePie]

camprunner: do not apologize for the "vent" -- it was not only coherent but rational and balanced. are you in a safe place now, free from triggers?? my trigger is at my workplace -- I want to get a new job sooo baaad!

[camprunner]

yes. 4.5 hours away It's easier to heal when you don't have to go back

[PiePie]

not out of the woods yet but doing way better no that i have removed myself from my trigger!! thanks to everyone who posted here, the community really helps, i can feel the love...