Augh! What do I do & vent

[Phoenix_Rising]

This is such a long story I don't know where to start. My DP has had depressive episodes for as long as I have known her (10+ years) along with PTSD. Her dad died in June '05 while I was pregnant with our DS. Since then she has been having issue after issue. She is seeing a counselor & psychiatrist and they have her on so many medications it is unbelieveable. Since February '06 she has been hospitalized five times, twice for 3 weeks. She is bipolar and schizoaffective. She is actively having symptoms. And yet she wants me to leave our DS home with her while I am at work. And is upset & hurt when I won't. Am I being unreasonable? Please help. There is so much here I am not saying but don't really know how to address. At this point I am really frustrated with her reluctance to try a new treatment, sad for the loss of what our relationship could be, etc, etc, etc. . . will it get better? How? And what can I do to help it get better NOW?

[PiePie]

The Courage to Heal has a section for partners.

in terms of leaving DS with her, I would want to know your specific fears. You could be justified, it's hard to tell...

[Phoenix_Rising]

part of the whole schizaffective thing for her is experiencing voices. her voices tell her to hurt herself - different ways. sometimes the only thing she can do to get these voices to even quiet is to get doped up on Rx drugs - she seems drunk when she takes them and is hung over in the morning. my concerns include the following (and there may be more i am not thinking of right this minute)
if she does not take her meds:
her voices will continue & what if she hurts herself while he is there?

If she does take her meds:
she will fall asleep and will not wake up for whatever he needs or be otherwise unresponsive
she will need to drive somewhere and not be able to safely
she gets VERY confused on the meds - cannot carry on basic conversation, sometimes does not know where she is/who she is with

i am not trying to be mean here, i am really trying to figure out how to make this better. . . thanks for any suggestions.

[sphinxie]

Hm, I'm sorry you guys are all going through this.

Can you get some couple's counseling/therapy? It sounds like your DP is just not able to relate to the situation realistically. Which is not surprising given the condition it sounds like she's in lately. She can't just hear your reasoning like a stable person can, there's all kinds of complexity going on instead, and the understanding that her current condition means she shouldn't stay home alone with the baby will have to sink in slowly and gently.

A person with PTSD is very prone to dissociation, and denial is pretty much a form of dissociation. It is a double edged sword, denial can be bad but right now it is helping her cope with the intensity of it all. She is probably also mourning the loss of "who she could have been" and somewhat in denial that she isn't that person right now.

It is most likely that with time she will heal, and then she will be the person she could have been--with many losses, but also possibly with a greater depth and self-understanding.

You probably know most of this... I think what I'm specifically trying to say is that I don't think the understanding that she shouldn't take care of the baby alone probably needs to work in slowly, and that may take some guidance and patience, therapy would be a good place for that to happen.

[PiePie]

But yeah I agree that it is not safe to leave a child in her sole care. I had a childhood friend whose mom went through schizophrenia and her dad had to pull them away from her because she was talking suicide. A year later she was on meds and understood/agreed that it had been the right move. I hope your family finds its way to a similar place of insight.

I know that schizo drugs are somewhat of a blunt instrument -- my BIL has it and is NOT happy with the side effects and refuses to take the drugs when he has the choice. But it sounds like she needs a meds adjustment.

Does she have florid symptoms all the time, or is she sometimes her old self (if that makes any sense). Anyway, it totally sucks.