Bipolar moms?

[amalthea]

I have a few questions.
I am bipolar, and Im really struggling right now. I am under treatment...my moods have stabilized...no more highs, but Im depressed...and numb...and apathetic. Dr. said that is what she expected and has now started me on Wellbutrin.
Anyway...Im just struggling in being a wife and mother. I feel horrible for my family that they have to deal with this. My dh gets worried about me, and wants to fix everything and make all circumstances ideal...but I keep telling him that it has NOTHING to do with that...its just being stuck in my head.

I hate that somedays I cant interact with my dc. Or Im irritable...or I get so overwhelmed I just want to run and not stop.
I hate that my dc dont have stability...a schedule they can count on...a household rhythm. We homeschool, and often we just dont do anything.
I worry that they will grow up to resent me.

How do you create a stable environment for your dc?

ANother thing, I would love to have friends. But, I have lost so many friendships due to my "weirdness" cancelling plans, disappearing for a few months, etc. I dont want to open myself up to that again, or cause another person to have to deal with my eccentricities.

But, then it all seems to boil down to the fact that I just dont care. I have no interests, no desire to do anything, and Im tired of it (not in a suicidal sort of way, im far far far off from that)

Anyone have anything for me? :

[Arwyn]

I got hugs

I've been there, done that, though not with kids. I'm Bipolar II - lean toward the depressive side of the spectrum. There are a few bipolar threads on here, and depression support threads - try doing a search.

I'm so sorry you've lost friends because of this. Do they know the reason for the "weirdness"? I've always been upfront about my disorder (when it was possible for me to be so - one of the first things that happens when I slip back into instability is it gets harder to talk about), and people are for the most part understanding.

Where do you live? There may be other MDC mamas for you to meet. If you just happen to be in Portland, Oregon, there are several of us with mood disorders, and we're all a pretty nutty bunch anyway Try searching in your local FYT area.

Have you tried high omega 3 fish oil? There have been some really good studies that suggest it's an effective treatment for bipolar disorder, especially the depressive end, and it can be added to most other mood treatments.

Huge, huge hugs for you, mama. You can get through this, and you and your family and your children can be stronger for it.

[ilo]

bp

Hello, I just joined...although not to discuss bp, since that is 24/7 on my mind as my 21 month old's dad is bp. I just wanted to say that I give you soooo much credit for taking meds. My fiancee refuses and so we don't live together anymore and although he sees our baby every day, we aren't doing what I thought we'd be doing... I'm just waiting for him to see the light of day and start taking something again. He went off the deep end a month before I had our baby. He's been fine and then not fine, now all we do is argue. I love him, don't like him. ANYWAY! to hear people out there dealing with bp is a big sign of hope for me.

If you feel like a hollow shell (my fiancee feels like that on meds) the best thing I can imagine one could do is look at you kids. Give them a big hug. Find something creative to do... start home schooling your kids new things...music! Or set up some sort of theater and have them make costumes. Sorry this is a bit mish mosh. I intended to start a thread about my 21 month old naturally weaning and how it's making me a big depressed mess...and was drawn (as per my usual self) to the mental health thread.

I may not be bp, but I have my depression issues which I'm dealing with biweekly with a terrific thearpist. Good luck.

[Camellia]

Big hugs to you. I have bi-polar 1. I was diagnosed last March when I had a 7 day mania that landed me in the ER. My whole family went through hell while I recovered. I'm mostly stable now, but it was BAD for awhile. I've had excellent success with lamictal for the moods and klonopin for the anxiety. I'm much more toward the manic end of the spectrum.

I was on zyprexa at first. I was constantly in survival mode. Very apathetic and disinterested in my kids, hobbies, family etc..

Maybe trying a new med. would help? I know its scary to switch. I'm always afraid I'll relapse if I tweak my meds. I have found lamictal to be the wonder drug for bi-polar, and so has my mother who has been diagnosed for about 10 years. She's taken every drug out there, just about. I would also question the wellbutrin. anti-depressants are a big no-no for bi-polar. It was actually paxil that pushed me over into my mania, and wellbutrin sent me into a slight mania and gave me severe hives.

I think being properly medicated, and seeing a therapist if possible, are the best things you can do for your kids. If you aren't feeling like life is mostly good, you very well may not be on the proper meds.

Best of luck to you mama. I know this is a hard illness to live with.

[Arwyn]

Antidepressants alone will often trigger manias. In combination with an overall mood stabilizer, they can be helpful.

[Camellia]

Originally Posted by Arwyn

Antidepressants alone will often trigger manias. In combination with an overall mood stabilizer, they can be helpful.

Good to know

[amalthea]

My Dr. put me on Lamictal a few months ago and slowly worked it up till I got stabilized which happened this past couple weeks. I feel very flat and depressed. She said that was what she wanted to happen and then put me on an AD, along with the lamictal. I started that yesterday, and today Im feeling a bit brighter. I really hope this works, I just want to be "normal" and able to do things consistently and provide stability for my children.

As for the friends thing, friends in the past had a hard time with me not being consistent. When Im depressed I withdraw from the world and avoid the phone. They couldnt handle it, and I dont blame them.
When im upfront about having bipolar, I see people sort of pull back and just say oooh.

[mosesface]

hello amalthea!
while i do not have any babies of my own yet, i can definitely relate to bipolar disorder! i was diagnosed with bipolar 1 back in 1997. it took several years to get the right meds and to regulate, but even with steady medication, i still have some breakthrough hypomania and definitely struggle with depression from time to time.

i know exactly what you mean about friends pulling back. over the years my vast network of friends has whittled down to a good, strong, core group of about three. i am so blessed that my best friend is a social worker and so she really understands my illness. in fact, she has decided to specialize in bipolar disorder thanks to years of "case study" with me.

by suggestion is that you let the friends who disappear go, and do your best to educate those that stick around. when you are well, tell them about bipolar, explain to them the ways it manifests in your life. give them some tools to love and support you. that doesn't necessarily make it any easier on them when you are not well (even some of my closest, dearest friends back away when i'm sick because it's scary and hard) and remind them that you will not always be "sick". give them grace. if they do back away when you're not well, be sure to let them come close again when you are.

don't hesitate to employ your dh in educating your friends! encourage him to talk to them and share what he has learned. let him fight for you if there are friends or family members who simply refuse to understand.

and as for your meds -- my younger brother (also bipolar 1) was put on lamictal six months ago. he experienced a lot of what you are describing. however, over time he felt better and better and now does wonderfully on lamictal! in fact, because he's doing so well on it, i may choose to switch to lamictal (from lithium, my best friend) at some point in pregnancy.

i also just wanted to welcome you here! i actually discovered MDC while doing a google search for bipolar disorder in pregnancy and it has been my "home" ever since!! you are in good, loving, supportive, inspiring company!

[Arwyn]

Eh, poopy on them. Find some MDC friends - and if they pull away when you mention being bipolar, sic me on 'em.

I'm glad things may be getting better for you. Build on that hope. Things WILL be brighter one day. Things will never be perfect - life isn't perfect - but it can be, and will be, joyful.

As for "normal", I've never been a fan, but stability is something worth fighting for. I don't wake up feeling like singing every day, but when I look at how my life is, with being functional, not having to struggle just to get up, or get dressed, or do the dishes, and how it was, where everything was difficult and some things were just impossible, I am so greatful to be here. It was worth the years and years of medication adjustments, therapy, diet changes, education, acupuncture, everything I did in an effort to get here. You'll find your way too.

What additional treatments have you tried? Are you doing or interested in doing therapy or alternative treatments? There are some women here who have managed their bipolar either with just "alternative" treatments, or who have made their medications much more effective with add-ons.

[Nathan1097]

hi. I have 3 kids- 9, 7, 5- and bipolar. On meds for a couple months now. Seen a psych. once so far- next time is Wednesday. I'll check back on you.

[MamaChel]

Hi I'm bipolar sine the mid '90s. I've been treating w/o meds since 2001. We all need something a little different to stabilize. Meds and I did not work well together but my mom has responded wonderfully to the correct meds for her.If you just had your meds adjusted, it may take a few weeks to feel the total effects.

I went through some time when I have very few friends due to my disorder. That it no longer the case. You may find that once your mood has stabilized, you are better able to interact with people and when you are a bit 'off' (my term for having an episode) they may be more understanding.

In my house, we give mommy time outs. There are times (not as frequently anymore) when i just cannot seem to control myself and my family has developed a code word to let me know that I'm having some issues and need to back off. We've explained to the kids that sometimes mommy has a hard time and needs some space.

Hugs to you. Hopefully you'll begin to feel more like yourself soon.

[goddesses]

hi

hi,i really need some advice.I think i have cyclothymia and have had for a long time.I have had bad depression on and off for the last ten years or so,and over the last maybe four of five years had periods of mild mania.I am also dealing with the trauma of realising that i was raped 9 years ago.I had repressed it until 5 months ago,when the memories were unlocked in counselling about another issue.I have read about post traumatic stress,and have a lot of the symptoms,although this is improving now.My parents dont know about the rape,and think that ,y manic behaviour is wierd,as i get an idea and go off and excessively spend,or do lots of things going from one to the other etc.I cannot get to sleep while im like this,and get very phycially tired,but not mentally tired.I am still in control of my life,and dont think id do anything dangerous,but long for the time in between mania and feeling numb,with no motivation,as i get so fed up with myself.I wish i could just relax like other people,and sometimes i can.I dont know if i still get the depression,but i feel numb and cant be bothered to do things,and prefer not to leave my house.Although i force myself to to do things i have to do.Can anyone advise me on what to do?

[KestrelDream]

Subbing....I was just diagnosed...FINALLY....some answers! Will be back later....sleeping pills kicking in.

[HaveWool~Will Felt]

Originally Posted by Arwyn

If you just happen to be in Portland, Oregon, there are several of us with mood disorders, and we're all a pretty nutty bunch anyway

I am in Portland. I have struggled for many years....am now at a level place. I support you, I am here to listen....and help if I can.

Oh and yes we are a nutty bunch!!!

[defectgrrrl]

I thought I'd stop in and subscribe to this thread.

I don't have a whole lot of time here but I know all about it. I've been hospitalized for BP off and on since I was a teen. I'm glad to find more MDC mamas with the same troubles. Is anyone else on a super combo? I'm on Lithium, Lamictil, Abilify and Pro something or other for the Lithium tremors. I hate the super combo but it's the only thing that's effective. (Really I think I hate Lithium the most because of all the side effects)

[KestrelDream]

May I ask what symptoms you were having to be hospitalized?

I was hospitalized once for a severe psychotic break. I was 6 months postpartum at the time, & was told that the break was due to stress. That was almost 11 years ago! My new pdoc said that is a big sign of BP....postpartum breaks. I see her again on Wed, so I'm anxious to discuss this!

[MotheringMe]

How has the wellbutrin been for you? I am bipolar, pregnant, not on any meds (due to pregnancy), and possibly more depressed than I have ever been in my life. Anti-depressents in general spin me into mania, but I've heard that Wellbutrin can be ok. Do you find that it's caused you any harm? I need to be on something, but I'm so scared to be on the wrong drug while I'm pregnant.

[kaydee]

Originally Posted by Arwyn

Antidepressants alone will often trigger manias. In combination with an overall mood stabilizer, they can be helpful.

Very true. I am now on Lithium and Paxil and so far, have not had an episode for 9 months. My pdoc says an antidepressant/mood stabilizer combo is very common.

to you OP. You are not alone.

[defectgrrrl]

Originally Posted by jackie75

May I ask what symptoms you were having to be hospitalized?

I always end up being hospitalized for being extremely suicidal. Last time I was given all the psychologists tests. I have PTSD on top of it which leaves me with what they called high suicide something or other (I forgot the official term *lol*). Which basically means when I'm manic or depressed I'm suicidal and sometimes even normal and on meds.

[HaveWool~Will Felt]

Originally Posted by MotheringMe

How has the wellbutrin been for you? I am bipolar, pregnant, not on any meds (due to pregnancy), and possibly more depressed than I have ever been in my life. Anti-depressents in general spin me into mania, but I've heard that Wellbutrin can be ok. Do you find that it's caused you any harm? I need to be on something, but I'm so scared to be on the wrong drug while I'm pregnant.

Personally, Wellbutrin has worked the best for me.
I don't think it casued any harm while I was pg, but that is me. I do think it is a class C drug...hopefully your doc will help you out.
HTH Hang in there mama!!!