Bipolar moms? - Page 2

[HaveWool~Will Felt]

kaydee:

Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight. Albert Schweitzer

I love your quote....I love Albert Schweitzer

[KestrelDream]

Thanks for sharing defectgrrrl. With me, it's difficult to admit my symptoms....I feel like a fruitcake! The suicidal thing is a difficult one for me to be honest about with my pdoc....I mean, if you say, I feel so bad, I just want to die....do they think you are suicidal? Where do they draw the line? Would they come & take your kids? That's so scary to think about!!

I deal with the depression, rages, & sometimes paranoia. It sucks, but I'm glad I finally have a dx!

Hugs to all!

ETA: I came across this while reading about bipolar, I love how he explains it:

And finally, I hope you might be able to raise your friends' conciousness a little bit. Let's say you did have a version of bipolar disorder that included periods of time of psychosis. So what? Some people have diabetes: they have periods of time when they can get really disoriented because their blood sugar is too high -- are they "nuts" too? How about people who get so drunk they can't talk any sense at all -- are they "nuts" for a while? Does it make any difference how you come to be "out of it"? And if it did, wouldn't it be better to get that way because of an illness you had no responsibility for having (80% genetic, and the other 20% unknown environmental factors, including possibly such things as viral infections)? I mean, better like "hey, I didn't have anything to do with this; like you think I asked for this, or something?"

[kaydee]

Originally Posted by HaveWool~Will Felt

kaydee:

Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight. Albert Schweitzer

I love your quote....I love Albert Schweitzer

:

He was a Unitarian Universalist and an animal advocate, just like me. Although he was also about a zillion times more active and accomplished than me!

[kaydee]

Originally Posted by defectgrrrl

(Really I think I hate Lithium the most because of all the side effects)

It's amazing how the meds can effect people so differently. I had tremors and thirst with lithium for the first two months--and then they totally disappeared. I do worry about long-term effects on my kidneys and thyroid, though.

I was on Lamictal before the lithium, and ended up in the hospital with liver damage! : Apparently it is an exceedingly rare reaction--most people have no problem with it.

[MamaChel]

One of my meds caused me to gain close to 70 pounds in one month while the Drs swore that it wasn't the drug. Opps, yes it was. Still doesn't change the long term health consequences for me.

If you are pregnant and near a major metropolitan area, there may be a hospital with OBs who specialize in dealing with pg women on psychotropic medications. I know in my area there is a hospital where the psychiatrists and OBs work together.

[defectgrrrl]

Originally Posted by jackie75

Thanks for sharing defectgrrrl. With me, it's difficult to admit my symptoms....I feel like a fruitcake! The suicidal thing is a difficult one for me to be honest about with my pdoc....I mean, if you say, I feel so bad, I just want to die....do they think you are suicidal? Where do they draw the line? Would they come & take your kids? That's so scary to think about!!

Sadly I recently found out. They only consider you suicidal and are willing to hospitalize you against your will if you have a concrete doable plan or have attempted it. And as long as there is someone reliable who can take your kids while you are hospitalized they can't possibly take your kids. As far as I know DHS never got involved in my case at any point.

But it's also hard for me to admit my symptoms while I'm in them. Especially the depression. I just want to hide away and obsess about dying. For that matter the manic too *lol* I think it's the nature of the disease to want to hide away your symptoms. Let's face it no one wants to be on meds and no one wants to be in the hospital. It may be the help we need but in the midst of it, it's the last thing we want.

[abbylotus]

i'm so thankful to have found this thread.

[Peacemamalove]

I am Bipolar 1 I was diagnosed last October and was on many different meds. I struggled being on them since I don't even go to a regular doc. I see a NP anyway I have never even taken prescription drugs until them.

In Feb. I was on Depakote, Klonopin, and sleeping med after researching the drugs myself,since I wanted all information about the drugs I decided to stop them because of how much harm they do and I just sat around most of the time not wanting to do anything.Plus I decided I want to have more children and Depakote can cause PCOS so that really frightened me to think that drug was messing with my reproductive system.

So now I do intensive talk therapy twice a week and see my NP and now iam on natural meds to help my bipolar!

Glad to find this tread of like minded moms.

Bipolar can be extremely different especially when you have little ones at home.

Anyone here seeing a NP for there treatment?

[cranberry99]

I just gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl in November 2006. At the time I had my boyfriend leave for the east coast, went home to my parents house to recuperate post-hospitalization, and finish the pregnancy there. My parents had tried to pressure me into marrying him and moving to Virginia and renting a place from them (that they offered to buy at the time). I didn't feel ready for kids and probably would've aborted if the people at Planned Parenthood hadn't made me "go home and think about it". My life has been disasterous recently, hospitalized 3 times (the last 3 Julys) and now I feel tired all the time, I don't know if it's the lithium or if my brain structure has completely changed. I used to make art, play music, be gainfully employed. Now, I constantly wonder if I should be applying for ssi or if that will only lower my self esteem further, my ability to fend for myself. I am not paying my own rent my parents are paying it. My baby girl was taken from me by DHS because A) I gave birth at home, unassisted B) I am bipolar C) I wasn't prepared for a baby b/c I only considered parenting the last couple of months, and at that time had no confidence in my abilities, wanted to leave this area & my parents to go live with my boyfriend in Virginia. He is still begging me to come out and give up this fight. I don't want to fight, doesn't make me feel good about myself. I want to believe if I went out there everyting would be fine, but I'm fearful of what would happen if something went wrong- he's never even noticed when I go off my meds before. My parents are rulers with an iron fist, but they do make me get help. I would never get help myself because when I am paranoid I do not trust doctors, and I only sort of trust them even when I'm not feeling that way. They are human too and they make mistakes- mistakes which can damage me. I am so sensitive I am waiting for some miracle cure- but waiting here for a daughter I may never have or have no specific plans for is not helping. I don't want to go on meds to 'cure' a depression which was caused by my situation. I don't understand if this disease is environmental, social, and/or biological in nature. No one knows for certain. I know it is an interaction of many things which makes me feel this way. I am 'waiting' to get my daughter back while DHS is 'waiting' for me to turn my life around- like not having her here will suddenly make me get better. If I leave and go to Virginia maybe my life will get better- then at least I will have my boyfriend, and not be around these destructive influences. They keep putting off the court date in the hopes she will just be adopted. I kind of hope she will be so I can stop worrying about this situation. Maybe parenting is more than I can handle right now.

[abbylotus]

I have been hospitalized three times since January. I was diagonsed with type 1, but I'm not so sure. The first time I was in the hospital was because I was extremely depressed and suicidal and having recurring and uncontrolable thoughts of cutting off my fingers and other body parts (WIERD!). The second time I was so mixed up and also suicidal. The third time I was hearing chattering in my ears and seeing a man who wasn't there (REALLY WIERD!!). The man who wasn't there looked like a Hunter S. Thompson character...smoking cigarettes, dark cop glasses, and a white member's only jacket...hilarious in a way but disturbing. I have been out of the hospital for about a month and the entire time, except maybe three days, I have been on a nearly all consuming emotional rollercoaster. A couple of days ago I tracked my moods. I was hypomanic for about 12 days from the time I left the hospital, then extremely full of anxiety (obsessed about bears and my DH dying) and had to take ambien to sleep (which I HATE) for about 4 days, normal day like a switch went off, and then I went DOWN-down into a depression and paranoia for 1 day, and now I'm currently sketched out. My DH is leaving tomorrow for 2 months of training for a new job. The kids and I will be staying with my ILs. My real thoughts on him leaving is I feel fine with it and I have faith he will return safely to me, but the stress, today, is making me a mess even though deep down I'm truly fine with him leaving. WTF?! BP sux. Today I have been crying out of the blue, one of my hands has been shaking in a rythmic wierd way, I sometimes feel like I'm going to puke. After I packed his suitcase I went for a walk with a friend and now I'm at the library instead of being at home. I'm feeling more calm and thankfully, not paranoid.

I really needed to come across this thread. I have been so out of it since January...well before that, too. It's been a tough go. It feels unbelievablely good to be around mamas who generally are like-minded and going through the same deal. I do not have this kind of support in my real life. My DH is wonderful, but of course it's difficult for him to understand. Hell, I DON'T even understand. I think it scares him, too. I'm scared, too. Ultimately, I don't want this to affect my kids and that makes me really sad.

I'm going to see my family doc this week because I really think I need to have my mood stabilizer adjusted. I take trileptal and riperdal. Both of which are very expensive for the non-insured. What does everyone else take?

Thanks for letting me get all of this off my chest. I have a difficult time talking to my loved ones about this jazz and tend to internalize everything. That is something I am working on. Take care mamas!