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how were you raised?

Poll Results: How were you raised?

  • 4% (9)
    Very AP (almost all elements of what's considered AP)
  • 38% (75)
    Some AP (some elements of what's considered AP)
  • 52% (103)
    What's AP? ( No AP)
  • 4% (8)
195 Total Votes  
post #1 of 47
Thread Starter 
Just wondering what kinds of backgrounds everyone here comes from.

The only "AP" thing I think my parents (or shall I say my mom) did was breastfeeding.

Sleeping: I slept in a crib, not sure if I I was made to CIO or not, but probably not given that I was continually sick for the first 1.5 years.

Carrying: don't remember, should ask my mom.

School: went to Public School-- though the school I went to in 2nd half of Kindergarten up through 2nd grade was that alternative school in the district and was pretty "montessori-esque." Does that count?

Discipline: Not terribly gentle, but not too harsh either. I do remember being spanked when I was little. That stopped by the time I was 8. I do remember a lot of yelling, but that also stopped (for the most part) as I got older.

Vaccinations: yep, there were fewer back then. (They may have been delayed though, given my aforementioned illness?)

Diapers: Hey, that's a good question. I think my mom used cloth, but I don't know.
post #2 of 47
That's funny...if I think about it..my dad was SOOOOO AP!
My Mom is not a very affectionate person and that's ok with me, I love her dearly and we're such good friends, but she didn't kiss and hug us..I guess it didn't feel comfortable to her.
Anyways, on the contrary our dad was affectionate for both of them. He would even sneak us to their bed at night and Mom would get mad, because there wasn't enough space, so eventually we all had our beds in their bedroom.
My Mom breastfed for a little while only - and well, at taht time there was not disposable diapres, so we walked around in colth and ate home made baby food. But that wasn't an option then...
Dad didn't spank, Mom did..well, she did, when we really deserved and always knew why..
WEll, I think that they complimented themselves perfectly.
post #3 of 47
I wrote some AP, but now that I think about it, it was pretty much only breastfeeding. We weren't on strict schedules and we ate pretty healthy for the 70s and 80s (mostly because my parents couldn't afford pre-packaged junk - now that stuff is cheaper than real food).

But they spanked and let us cry in our cribs. And, of course, we had to go to public school since my mom had to work once we were old enough to go to school (when she stayed home with us, we lived in a house w/o running water that we rented for 60$ a month, and we had to borrow money for relatives for groceries). Actually I don't know if public school should be considered anti-ap since it, like daycare, is a non chooseable reality for some parents. Course that is another thread topic.

Definately am going to raise my kids differently, but think my parents did Ok considering how young they were and how VERY NON-AP my dad's parents were.
post #4 of 47
My upbringing was about as un-AP as you can get, short of physical abuse. I grew up living with my mom and her parents. Both my mom and my grandfather worked full time so I was mostly raised by my grandmother, and she was very short-tempered and mean. My mom and I got along great but she wasn't there a lot.
post #5 of 47
It varied with the kids (there were 5 of us, born over a 15 year span), but:

Breastfeed? Yes, all five. but not for very long with any of them (6 months max I think)

Cloth diapers? Yes, but there probably wasn't much of a choice in the early 60s-mid-70s. She did say she tried to paper diaper me, but I was grossly allergic to them, so she went back to cloth after about 2 weeks

Disipline? With me and my brother she was gentle. With our older siblings, I don't know. Our dad was abusive (but they divorced when I was 1) and my step-dad tried to be a good parent to his step children (me and my 3 older sisters), but I don't think I would call him "gentle". I remember being spanked (more of a single swat) only twice. Once for standing and rocking on the piano bench after being repeatly told not too, and once for kicking my little brother in the head for pestering me. He did holler/yell a lot. He adored my little bother as he was considered his "old-age" baby (he had two adult children and a teen-ager from his first marriage when my brother was born). They are still very close.

School? We all went to public elementary schools, but there were no other real options. In my freshman year of high school, I decided i wanted to go to private boarding school. My mother packed the two of us up and we went (she got a job with the school, so I got free tuition). She stayed for two years (and commuted home on the weekends), then her job ended and part of her severence agreement was that i get to stay for my final year.
t I did know only one family that wasn't Amish/Mennonite that home schooled growing up in our rural community. Their children were younger than me, so this would have been in the early-mid 1980s. They had a terrible time with getting support for the school system, though they did perservere and hs for several years. She eventually put them into public school (three children) when they were older (late elementary-middle school aged). Ironically, she is now a school teacher herself in the same public school I attended.

Sleeping? I don't remember ever sleeping with my parents, but I always slept with a sister until I was about 11 yo. My little brother, I am told, slept with my mother and sf until he was about 3-4 yo.

Vaccs? My mother was a Christian Scientist, so we were never required legally to be vacc'ed. We did have some, as my mother bowed to pressure from sf and the school system, but we were older when we got them (at least the last three of us. My oldest two sister were probably fully vacc'ed, as our father was a DO and I have seen their smallpox vacc marks on their arms).

So, I voted some AP. I think my mothers parenting style changed significantly when she and my father divorced and became, in many ways, more AP. My sf, though he was very loving in his own way and did his best, was never what I would call affectionate. I can count on one hand the number of times we have hugged or kissed in my lifetime (and he has been my sf for 29 years), but that was his style and upbringing I think that didn't allow him to show affection and "weakness"/emotion. I feel more sorry about that than resentment.
post #6 of 47
Thread Starter 
I should have written the poll to say "What you consider AP," because so many of the "elements" can be interpreted as AP or non-AP.
I am interested in what your perception of how the family you grew up in compares to the family you are raising. Do you lean towards AP because that's what you were raised with? Do you lean toward it precisely because it isn't how you were raised? Stuff like that.
post #7 of 47
I voted other.

We were bottle fed on strict schedules, crib slept, CIO, spanked & harshly punished & shamed, told that "children were to be seen but not heard" (and preferably not seen, either). My mother was much less harsh with us, and my father was borderline emotionallly & physically abusive in discipline matters or when he had a temper tantrum. We were cloth diapered, but only because my parents were too poor to afford the new disposables. We went to public school and liked it... private school would have been considered a punishment! We were fully and completely vaccinated on schedule, even me as a 3 lb preemie.

On the other hand, I consider my mother to have been a very naive parent early on, who started trusting her own intuition with each child. She was only 20 and had never lived away from home and had ZERO experience. She did stay home with us until I as the eldest was in Jr. High School - which was FANTASTIC. She encouraged us to PLAY and to use our imaginations ~ which was great. She gave us lots of freedom until Jr. High age when the "law" cracked down again in the form of my father not liking to be challenged by his teenage daughters who started to have their own thoughts on things....

All in all, I'll take the best of my childhood and dump the rest and make sure those good elements are present for my own child.

post #8 of 47
Interesting trend here about our fathers inhibiting what would have been our mothers' AP parenting. I do believe it was the case in my family too. . .
post #9 of 47
I voted some AP, although definitely leaning towards MORE AP.
My parents divorced when I was very young and I was mostly raised by my mom. When I describe my mom to people I proudly say that she would have made a good pioneer woman. Despite having to return to work full time when I was so little, she made most of our clothes, blankets and toys. She made ALL of our food, growing a good amount of it in the garden, and preserving it. We didn't have tons of toys, instead we encouraged to play outside as much as possible, or inside using our very active imaginations. We were fully vaxed (I come from a long list of pharmacists and MD's) and always had our own rooms (this was important to my mom who never had her own room). As far as managing us, my mom was very understanding and really listened to us. My best memories are if her reading to us everynight, even though she would be falling asleep after a full days work, because it was a special family time. She never belittled us because of our younger age. Our opinion ws as valid as any adults. We attended a super alternative private school, an alternative ps, and a "normal" high school. It is because of my mom's loving example that I parent the way I do today
I consider myself a very lucky daughter.
post #10 of 47
I was bf for 11 months. My baby book said I started getting supplemental formula at 3.5 weeks. Mom worked and pumped. I got bm and formula throughout the day depending on what she pumped. My bro bf 6 months and sis 8 months, both mixed with formula.
We all coslept with her but not full time.
I think she said she used some cloth diapers on me. I was born while she was in the Navy in Puerto Rico, so I don't think disposables were plentiful. I know she is way impressed with how much better cloth dipes are now. Bro and sis both were diapered in sposies fulltime.
I don't think anything else was AP. My mom left to her own may have been AP but my dad spanked and yelled a lot.
post #11 of 47
My mom used cloth (not much choice in 1976) and I was breastfed (because it was free ) Beyond that there was no AP whatsoever in my family.
post #12 of 47
Tough one. Both my parents are mentally ill and have different competencies. Sometimes things were very very abusive. Other times we did really cool things.

In between yelling, screaming, breakdowns, and beatings not on the kids, they didn't believe in spanking :

They taught us :

about the impact we have on the environment

about recycling (when people were just finding out what it was late 60s-early 70s)

crafts and creative projects are way better than most of the stuff at the store

that is important to know what is going on in the world by reading and viewing many sources even if you don't like what they say

if doing the best you can still doesn't get you where you want to be, then that is okay, you tried

respect the differences in the people around you

surprise car rides (when we had one that wasn't totalled) to any point we picked on the local map

when we were sick, dad would stay up with us and rock us for hours and mom would labor over us so much that we never thought we would get any rest

I guess it is a tough call. They weren't the parents that I wished I had had. The fortunate thing is that my baby sister had a very different experience. The medicine had arrived by then and things were balanced. She also had a sister who was old enough to practically AP her. We are extremely close.
All I know is that my son has already had a wonderful start ,if I don't say so myself.
post #13 of 47
I would have to say "no AP" but maybe I should have said some. I don't know. I was breastfed for two months and my mom had a diaper service. I slept in a crib but doubt that they did CIO. My parents agree that what we are doing with our children is better than what they did so at least they've evolved!:LOL
post #14 of 47

I'm the only very AP so far!!!

I was born at home, breastfed for sure, was in cloth diapers, pretty certain I co-slept at least as an infant, and carried A LOT because I demanded it. I was vaxed, but my mom's a nurse, so I'm not sure what her exact opinions are, though I know she's absolutely against certain vaxes for new babies b/c we discussed how stupid hep B is and chicken pox too...

I went to montessori school for five years before 1st grade when my dad wanted me to go to public school for the diversity - so public school was a political thing for us too. I unschooled my last two years of high school, though it was a bit of a struggle to convince my parents.

I also have a hyphenated last name. Oh yeah! I was named after a Sex Pistols song. My little sister is named Natty Dread after the Bob Marley song.

I now AP which I think is definitely b/c of my parents, though I think DH & I are a bit more radical than they even were, though we've inadvertantly chosen a more traditional path of marriage WAY before baby... We vax very selectively (DS has had one series so far), are planning to unschool, are pretty sure that DS will continue to co-sleep for years to come, we're vegetarian, and we're trying to eliminate chemicals from the house as much as possible. We also hope to one day build or renovate a house to be energy efficient & environmentally friendly. DH is really committed to getting off the grid. My mom is now a midwife herself, so she caught DS at home. We're (I mean, I am, DH is just starting this tradition) 2nd gen APers, homeschoolers, home-birthers, etc. !!! Woo-hoo! Let's hope Alex goes on to make it a 3rd!
post #15 of 47
I was bottlefed from day one, disposable-diapered, vaccinated with all that were available, slept in a crib (mostly - although I actually do remember co-sleeping some when I was younger), and my mother tried CIO on the doctor's advice (I wasn't a "sleeper") but found she didn't have the stomach for it.

All that said, I still voted "Some AP" because my mom was (and still is) one of the most attached, loving mothers I have ever known. She suffered much criticism from her family (think Southern - with a capital "S") for giving us too many choices, "babying" us too much, never leaving us.... it impresses me still because knowing her up-bringing, the lack of support, the fact that she was very young, not well-educated, and raising two children under the age of two with a husband who was on a submarine for six months at a time she was a prime candidate for succumbing to the pressure and reverting back to her "programming." And now, when she watches me mother my son, she says she wishes she had had better information so she could have made better choices (especially re: breastfeeding)... personally, I think her tenderness made up for any less than desirable feeding choices she might have made

The most awesome thing is watching her with my son - experiencing that gentleness all over again. It's almost like reliving the best parts of my childhood. I used to dwell on the differences in the way she and I parent(ed), thinking that I had made these choices in spite of the way I was raised, until I realized how many very important similarities there are in our parenting and that many of my different decisions (breastfeeding, etc.) came about as a result of the foundation that she constructed that lead me to always seek out what was best for my baby.

Sorry if that was a hi-jack - I guess I just wanted to point out that AP can wear many different faces...

post #16 of 47
I said some AP. My brother was born when I was 10 months old, so I wasn't carried much. I wore cloth diapers because disposables were *very* expensive back then, and I was breastfed for 6 weeks after which I was given solid food because after nursing 8 times *and* drinking 32 oz of formula a day, I was apparently still hungry. The doctor said that if i was taking that much formula, I wasn't getting any breastmilk at all. When she stopped nursing me, i took 64oz of formula! I wasn't even big, just hungry!

I slept in a bassinet until my brother was born, and then I slept in a crib until my brother was too big for the bassinet; then i got a big girl bed. My mom didn't believe in CIO, and I think that if there had been more space between my brother and I that I would have gotten more attention.
post #17 of 47
I was cd'ed and bf'ed because that's what everybody did. But not from any ap perspective. I was made to sleep away from my twin sis (2 cribs : ) so they still proudly say how one of us was always cio'ing so mom didn't get any rest

I was spanked but not abused, seen but not heard. My parents did and still do love me and my sibs a lot, but they've always believed and still do that "too much attention spoils the child."
post #18 of 47
I voted 'some AP'. We were all breast-fed (for varying amounts of time - but it was a hard thing to do at all in the 70's). I know Mom carried us around all the time and she definitely never let us cry it out, although we did sleep in cribs.

We did go to a mixture of public and private schools growing up, but Mom also supplemented our education at home, and she never worked, so was always there when we were.

My parents did spank us, but not that often - and I think in general, Mom and Dad reasoned with us and used many elements of 'gentle discipline'. I can only remember Mom yelling at us once (and she apologised right afterwards), and I can never remember Dad yelling.

I think my parents are wonderful, and they weren't 'completely' AP by a long shot. It's good for me - helps me to be less judgemental of others' parenting at times. I tend to think that as long as there is a lot of love in the family, that is what ultimately makes the difference for children. And there was loads of love in my family.
post #19 of 47
There were nine of us.

Eight were homeborn; one at the hospital b/c she was breech

All bf'd at least one year.

All cloth diapered. I remember hanging the cloth diapers out on the clothesline with my little brother in the summer time when the dryer was broken!

My mom made her own babyfood from organic fruits and sneaked in vitamins and elixiers to make the babe healthy. She always made too much, and they threw up alot.

No vaxes. ( I had a tetanus shot for a dog bite when I was 8.)

We tried to be complete vegans which lasted until I was six. We drank nut milk (almond) which is made commercially now. Then gradually we added raw milk products, then eggs, then chicken from the health food store, then meat(beef), but only on holidays.

My Father remained a lacto-uvo vegetarian, although he seemed to enjoy bacon alot.(?!)

I think it is important to teach children to stay away from certain foods and that others are healthy. This make them secure in making their own choices.

My mom just loved her strollers.

She loved playpens for the children.

She also loved to use spankings and beatings as a discipline. I now realize she was drunk most of the time, and I think all of those vitamins helped keep her healthy despite all of the alcohol. She would go on screaming tantrums and scare all of us and throw things and use our toys to beat us with, especially my brother's hot wheel strips.

My Father always tried to sit down and talk to us. I felt I could talk to him, but he was frustrated often from dealing with my mother, and often took that out on me/us also.

So some AP, but not all; live and learn from others' mistakes.

I have done almost complete AP myself. But it is still a work in progress.
post #20 of 47
Never breastfed, disposable diapers, my mom did 'stay home'but we were sent to public school and the discipline was harsh.
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