Originally Posted by ilovemy2ds
Does not sound good what happened?
My first was induced for IUGR. (I didn't know 1/100th of what I do now, or I never would have gone for that first u/s.) Peri said he needed to get out now, we'd be very lucky if he was 4 pounds. (8 hours later, he was 5 pounds, 15 ounces.) I was sent up to be induced. They started the pit, I was on it from 3p until 11p with not one contraction. Then they broke my water and it was pure hell...I think it built up or something, because they just kept upping it to make me contract. I honestly, truly thought I was dying. I wanted to die. I went from closed to baby out in 1 hour and 40 minutes. I was young and everyone treated me like crap the whole time.
My second, I was SO VERY afraid of a repeat that I got an epidural. Stupid me had contractions the night before for an hour and a half that apparently dilated me to 4cm, so I excitedly went in the next morning to get checked
and they kept me. I got the epidural right away. Of course, I wasn't truly in labor (now I know my body, I have prodromal labor for weeks and walk around until about 6-7 cm before going into "real" labor.) so they broke my water. But I honestly never felt anything with her, which I think led to my ppd.
Third, I knew a little more, but not nearly enough to just stay home. Had my friend come in to advocate for me, my mom was there because she was there for the others and my dh, too. I knew what I wanted - had my birth ball and a plan, etc. Well, I was 6cm when I got there, they broke my water and I wasn't allowed out of bed, not even to pee. They just kept wearing me down...I *needed* pitocin because apparently, 1cm an hour isn't fast enough, then I *needed* an epidural because it was only going to get worse, and the anesthesiologist is going into surgery, so nows my chance...they might as well have been beating me with a stick, the way I felt. I KNEW better, I protested, no one else stood up for us, though. I was so defeated and felt like a failure. I failed myself and my baby.
Fourth, I got smart!
I had him at home, a surprise uc. He was born less than 3 hours after my first contraction. The midwife didn't make it because I didn't call her soon enough.
I feel like my last birth was very healing of the emotional scars of my other births, for myself. But there's still guilt because even though I was healed, my poor kids can't be re-born. And I still get angry about it, but at least I have faith in myself and my body again.