Walking in on it...

[Ahappymel]

Um..have any of you walked in on or have knowledge of your dh/partner...well, um....you know...servicing themselves to save you the effort?
Admittedly, I am not feeling so amorous lately...LUMBERSOME and tired. Not so sexy...and we had a big difference-of-the-minds last week and have not had the chance to discuss it in detail yet.
So, last night I walked in on my dh doing it...he didn't hear me come in because he had a fan going in the room. I wasn't sure what to do...so I just walked out again.
Part of me felt like I should join him...and the other part of me thought, "Whose business is it when I do that? Whose business is it when HE does that?" His business...so I left him to his business.
Now I'm not sure if I should bring it up or not.
Pregnancy introduces all kinds of weird things doesn't it? I remember that at the beginning of our relationship both of us agreed that we didn't really feel the need to do that since we were so satiated with each other...
I felt kind of bad...like I haven't been making an effort to maintain our sexual relationship in the midst of my whole physical transformation/reduced drive (due to pregnancy). That very evening he had curled up in bed with me while my son was falling asleep...he said he had a need to hold me and well, I didn't hold him back. He finally said goodnight and went into the living room. I fell asleep.
Should I even bring it up? What would you do?

[PortraitPixie]

Oh, hon! I actually don't know what I'd do...I'd be feeling the same as you do now...and kinda conflicted. Think about it for a bit more, and if it keeps bothering you, lovingly bring it up....

And ftr I DID literally walk in on dh doing that once, and I startled him almost to death! We talked about it and that was that....

[Ahappymel]

I wasn't hurt or angry that he was doing it...I just felt more guilty that I haven't been making more of an effort to maintain that area of our relationship. I know he prefers our relationship to that....he had even hinted at needing that love/attention earlier that evening and I put him off.
I think I'm going to have to seduce him tonight
Mama Elephant on the prowl
I'm afraid that I'll terribly embarass him if I bring it up...

[PortraitPixie]

Originally Posted by Ahappymel

I wasn't hurt or angry that he was doing it...I just felt more guilty that I haven't been making more of an effort to maintain that area of our relationship. I know he prefers our relationship to that....he had even hinted at needing that love/attention earlier that evening and I put him off.
I think I'm going to have to seduce him tonight
Mama Elephant on the prowl
I'm afraid that I'll terribly embarass him if I bring it up...

That sounds like a good plan! :

[Ahappymel]

Now if I can only carry off the plan of seduction without him seeing my butt or thighs

[Shenandoah]

I wouldn't say anything at all. I know my dh does it lately and that's fine with me. I told him instead of being pregnant himself this is the price he pays for his child. Sad but true.

[MacKinnon]

I walked in on my DH the other day. His eyes were closed and I don't think he heard me. I had been upstairs putting DD to bed and he was laying down in the guest bed. I opened the door to the room to see if he was up (it's not uncommon for him to crash out relatively early) and he WAS up-- just not the way I thought

I just eased the door back closed and didn't say anything about it. I don't know what I would do if he knew that I knew. I would probably just make a little joke about it. I don't mind that he does either. We certainly aren't very active these days

[JanetH]

I don't think I would tell him, I am sure it would embarrass him. I would just give him some extra lovin', he'll like it and you'll both feel better.

[pbreffe]

I have never walked in on my dh doing it. But one time a month or so ago he went in to take a shower before work and left the bathroom door open. From my position in bed the mirror was located where I could watch him in the shower doing his thing... Cracked me up actually. I ended up saying something like hey did you enjoy it?? He didn't get mad just laughed with me and said yeah thanks for asking!

We just make a big joke about it during pregnancy because we both know that it is only temporary! And I know that if he is at least doing that then he isn't seeking it out somewhere else!

[Ahappymel]

I did not wind up saying anything about it....I kept thinking that I would be embarrassed as hell if someone said something to ME in the same situation.
But...I did give him the extra lovin' this weekend...lots and lots of it :

[PortraitPixie]

Originally Posted by Ahappymel

I did not wind up saying anything about it....I kept thinking that I would be embarrassed as hell if someone said something to ME in the same situation.
But...I did give him the extra lovin' this weekend...lots and lots of it :

[Ahappymel]

Love the dancing banana

[storychick]

Thanks ladies. Because of this thread I asked my DH what he'd want me to do, so now I know. (Join in, he said, btw! )

Glad your DH feels more taken care of now, ahappymel!

[swtpesq]

Originally Posted by storychick

Because of this thread I asked my DH what he'd want me to do, so now I know. (Join in, he said, btw! )

Same here! Actually, what my DH said was, "Well, I know you'd want to join in, and I wouldn't try to stop you!"

[BlissP]

Just saw this now...during these cumbersome times, I know my DH services himself regularly...because I am there watching! I talk to him, help a little bit if that's what's called for, whatever! I like that we can share intimate times without me having to do the deed...

[a_work_in_progress]

I don't think I ever give him time to take care of it himself. I'm already down there taking care of things for him. If I'm not "meeting his needs", I'm not in the same zip code.

It's never a big deal if he pleasures himself. I just wish he doesn't "waste it". Bring it here, big boy! Save that up for me, or you better be able to get it up again within a couple hours!

Heh heh.... yeah, I'm always in the mood.

[snazzy_mom]

I caught my guy looking at "pictures" and I got upset about it. How would you ladies handle that? I know it's just my insecurities but it made me ill.

[MacKinnon]

Originally Posted by snazzy_mom

I caught my guy looking at "pictures" and I got upset about it. How would you ladies handle that? I know it's just my insecurities but it made me ill.

This is always a hard one... Everyone feels differently about this. The "rule" in our house has always been (1) please don't use my work laptop to look at said pictures (2) please don't save them to the hard drive with everything else and (3) please be honest when I call you out on it I've never been bothered much by this. But I have a good friend who is seriously upset by it. If I was upset by it, I would expect DH to respect that. ((HUGS))

[Ahappymel]

This would be hard for me too.
I mean, we've looked at pictures together but I can understand why it would be hard to have my dh looking at them solo...especially while I am feeling quite corpulent as it is.

[BlissP]

Originally Posted by Ahappymel

This would be hard for me too.
I mean, we've looked at pictures together but I can understand why it would be hard to have my dh looking at them solo...especially while I am feeling quite corpious as it is.

My DH doesn't seem interested in porn (unless we watch a movie together or something...)

I think him looking at pictures woudl bug me. It feels like a withdrawal from me, from US as sexual partners. It's not a jealousy thing, or even a body image thing or me thinking he wants me to look like that...it's like a depersonalization of sex, making it about the act as opposed to about us. That's why I like sharing masturbation with him, because even if I don't have much energy to participate we are still in it together.