Anyone not told family that you're having a homebirth?

[*Lindsey*]

My Dh's side of the family knows we are planning a homebirth and is very supportive, as my MIL and SIL have had homebirths.

My side of the family, except my mom, does NOT know and we don't plan on telling them until after the baby is born. They would freak out and question us constantly, and just not be very supportive at all. It would stress me out way to much to deal with all the badgering that would come of them knowing our plans. Let alone the fact that my step-mom would probably call me daily and check to see if I was in labor. (She did that when I we were at the hospital having DD. My grandparents knew we had left for the hospital and told my dad and his wife, and she called about 10 minutes after DD was born to "see if I had that baby yet!") : :

So, has anyone not told family until after the baby was born? That's our plan, to call them up, maybe a day later, and tell them they can come over and visit.

Experiences? Thoughts?

[Luv2bemommy]

I can relate. My family knows, but my mother is still like "We will see once it's time to have the baby." : My in laws still doesnt even know I'm pregnant yet. LOL So, I can just imagine what they will say once they know we are having this baby at home.

[mama_at_home]

On my side of the family I only told my mom. No one ever asked where the babies were born, so I have never told the rest of them. Although if they ever read the babies' website they will see they were born at home. MIL had 3 babies in the car on the way to the hospital so she had no problem with a homebirth.

[ColinsMommy]

Our family doesn't know I'm pregnant yet but my family will absolutely NOT know that we're having a homebirth. I probably won't even tell them afterwards! (They live some distance away). I had DS in a birth center with a midwife and they just assumed I had an OB in a hospital...I didn't correct them. I just don't need the hassle.

We'll tell my IL's and they will probably have some comments, but I can handle them much easier.

[mary3mama]

Neither my family nor my dh's have any clue that we're planning a homebirth this time around. I'm sure they all assume that it will be another hospital birth, just like my VBAC last time around. That assumption keeps them from even asking...and I like it that way.

I'm completely ok with them knowing after the birth, though. DH really doesn't want his family to ever know, though, so that he doesn't have to listen to his mother's crap about it ad nauseum.

I don't think he'll get his wish. DS#1 will be in attendance and watching the birth and I can't imagine there's gonna be anyone on the planet that doesn't know exactly how is baby sister was born

[rmzbm]

I've told my family I plan to birth at home next time. They think it's wonderful!
We don't talk to DH's family, but I KNOW they'd FREAK if we did tell them.

[lotusdebi]

We're not telling the inlaws until after the fact, if then. They're not supportive of any parental decisions we've made, so why bother sharing this with any of them?
My family knows. They haven't given me any real grief about it. I had my son at a birth center, though, so that kinda paved the way. And my family knows better than to second guess my judgement (or feel the wrath of Debi!). My foster mom had some questions, and my mom is worried about my son being there for it (the screaming I may do, the blood, etc.), but that's all I've had to deal with from them.

[Mama K]

My family knows but DH's family won't know until after the birth.

[MommytoTwo]

Havent and wont.

[katie-p-]

I'm glad you asked this question because I've been thinking the same thing! My mom and a few close friends know and that's it. I made the mistake with my first and told everyone we were planning a homebirth and I hated all the negative or worried comments. So this time around we're not telling until after the fact. I'm sure some will be upset but I know now that I need to protect our space because all I want is POSITIVE energy!

I feel really guilty about lying though because my family does ask where we're having the baby and with who. So I say a dr. and at the hospital she works at (specific names though). Have any of you had to stretch the truth? I'm a terrible liar and hate lying but I KNOW this is for the best.

[littlelambs]

yes and yes! lol...with our first 2 (hospital births) we only had my mom and dad at the hospital. we didn't tell ANYONE else until well after baby had arrived and asked that people not visit until the next day. we were VERY protective of OUR time to bond as a new family. we also took our phone off the hook, detached the door bell, and asked no one visit without calling first for the first 3 weeks (which we admitted would be hard for them with us turning the phone off when baby was sleeping, which was ALL the time lol) it was wonderful! everyone respected us, no one hounded us, and when ever WE felt good enough to call people over they were OVERJOYED to hear from us lol. (i did make a small baby blog with weekly updates and frequent pictures so they could get thier "baby fix" without the temptation to hound us...dd was the first grandchild on both sides btw)

we did the same thing with dd#2, although i let my mom be in the delivery room this time around.

baby #3 we are overseas, so having over anxious family isn't a problem...BUT this is our first ever HOMEbirth and NO...not many people know. NONE of dh's family know. only my mom knows (and maybe my dad, not sure if she told him) but she is "pretending" it isn't happening. : everytime i bring up a MW appt she changes the subject. she hasn't said anything bad or voiced any actual "concerns", but i can tell she is VERY uncomfortiable with it, so now, at 37 weeks, i just don't bring it up anymore. i tell her the pregnancy is great, but skip the wonderful details of how my prenantal appts are going. it's sad, i really it was a mistake to have ever told her, but eh, at least she isn't raining on my parade by spouting off all her fears onto me!

my old doula in the states knows and is tremendously supportive. my best childhood friend of almost 20 years knows, and has voiced some concerns, but once we talked she feels more confident. she has been supportive, but also hesitant, so again, i only speak very selectively about it when i'm on the phone with her.

everyone else we plan to "shock" by announcing our wonderfully planned and succesful "Home sweet Homebirth" on the birth announcements, along with a birth story printed out and attached.

[littlelambs]

[QOUTE] Have any of you had to stretch the truth? I'm a terrible liar and hate lying but I KNOW this is for the best.[/QUOTE]

we've had people from our church here ask if we had our bag packed...etc. to which i reply "yep"...which is true, somewhat ...i had a small bag i was working on before we switched to a homebirth, and i just left it that way. i haven't worked on it anymore, but also haven't unpacked it either. so it's kind of a half "emergency bag", but then not really. i figure if we really had to transfer, a bag would be the last thing on my mind anyway, i haven't unpacked it "just in case", but i haven't worked on it anymore either. so i hear you on the "stretched truth" bit

[oregongirlie]

I flat out lied to my 90 year old grandmother.

The rest of the family has gotten evasive comments and half-truths when applicable.

The second or third thing my mom said to me after finding out about the baby was, "Just promise me that you won't have the baby at home!" I said, "My prenatal care is not up for discussion." She was surprised, "What do you mean?!?" "I'm not debating my decisions with you. Yes. I will have good prenatal care, I'm not dumb."

That was the end of it. I think my parents suspect as I've never mentioned an OB or a hospital and after a few months, neither did they.

We're telling EVERYONE after he's born.

Luckily, we can talk about it with friends and everyone (except one person) has been totally positive and supportive. THAT is why I live in OREGON. Bring on the natural.

[torio]

My mom knows, thinks I'm nuts, but bless her heart, trusts me to make the right decision for myself. DH's family doesn't know we're pregnant yet. A m/c last time around made us decide to wait on announcing. We don't think we'll mention our plans to HB to them though. We expect they'd be unsupportive even though none of DH's living relatives have ever given birth. A few of our friends know and have either learned to keep their mouths shut or have done it themselves and are supportive. We found our midwife through two friends who worked with her and had amazing births they wouldn't have changed (their words).