What's up with the twelve month mark?

[wanderinggypsy]

I wanted some advice....

I have a few friends who have successfully BF'ed their babes for a few months now, but ALL THREE of these friends are planning to wean their babies at 12 months, simply because they think it's 'weird' to nurse an older baby.


What do you say to them? I've nursed my two as toddlers, and my first well into preschoolerhood, and it was a rewarding relationship, mutually.

Why does everyone seem to think babyhood ends abruptly at the first year? I've mentioned that the WHO reccommends BF'ing at least to the age of two, but they just shrug and make comments about third world countries.

Ugh. Anything else I can say?

[rmzbm]

Wish I knew! My DD is SEVEN MONTHS OLD & I get "Is she STILL nursing?" already! Um, yeah she is! :
I have heard 3rd world comments, too. One person told me it's not "like I live in Africa & HAVE to nurse for 15 years!" Um, OK. :

[smeep]

Ezra is 10 1/2 months old and I couldn't imagine weaning him any time soon. he's not walking on his own yet, but he's getting there, but he's still a little guy! Taking away the boob now would just be crazy. Assuming 12 months makes the child mature enough to not need the comfort, nutrition and love that a mother can provide with her breast, THAT is weird!

[wanderinggypsy]

The funny thing is that in my experience my kids realllly seemed to need the breast the most from 12 months to somewhere in their second year. I mean sure as newborns they NEED the food source but I mean the emotional aspect of nursing really became an evolved thing for my kids and me when they were little toddlers. It became the foundation for mutual respect, learning how to treat people, dealing with emotions, and on and on and on. So it tears me up to know that out of all my 'real life' friends, I am probably the only one who will ever know that joy. And all those babies, having the breast taken away just because they turn one year old. Happy birthday, junior. No boobies for you!

[mayamama]

I think it's because more and more we are becoming a selfish society and bfing after a year is just to inconvenient for some people. My friends, too, say, well, you shouldn't bf TOO long because it's just too embarrassing (for THEM I imagine.) Also, that means you still have to miss out on sleep, a little person still has to depend on you, and you can't just pass the responsibility onto someone else (ie let someone bottle feed them) so you can watch your tv show or go out to the bars. At least in my experience, a lot of people seem to be having children because that's what they're supposed to do, not because they want the joy of loving them and giving them the best they can (ie bfing as long as possible).

I think they 12 month mark came about because then people can 'feel good' about having breastfed, (not to say that's not a good thing that people make it at least that far!) but not have to have the 'burden' of doing it more. I think a lot of people think that once they're on solids, they don't need the boob anymore, which obviously isn't true-they need it for all sorts of reasons, only one of which is nutrition! But for a lot of people I've talked to about bfing it's just something they're supposed to do, not something they enjoy doing for their child, as well as themselves. The 12 months are kind of like the deadline for them, like, whew it's over, you know? Sad though.

You can't expect anyone to understand a decision like that in our kind of society where boobs are purely sexual and children are an accessory to many people. The only thing you can say to your friends is that you're doing what you know is best for your baby.

[spughy]

My DD is turning 1 in a few weeks and I can't imagine weaning her at this point. In Canada, most women return to work at 1 year and wean because of that. I am fortunate to have a job that will allow me to work from home at least part time (I don't actually want to be at home all day - I need the social part of work) so I can continue to nurse my babe 4-5 times a day at least. Today though she's got a cold so we've nursed probably 10 times already and it's only late afternoon.

Yeah, I don't get it either. They're still babies at 12 months. Even when they're walking and starting to talk, they're still obviously babies.

[Autoemesiss]

I recently had group of women tell me that you were suppposed to have your baby weaned BY 12months old ?! I was so dumpfounded I could say anything. I've heard of weaning at 12months old (not that I agree), but weaned BY 12months? :shakinghead:

[Mama Poot]

My crunchy ( sort of ) chiro told me his wife *always* weans at 12 months. Its so bizarre. Ive been slowly prying to figure out why. I want to give him info to pass onto her about extended bfing and its benefits, but they are xtian fundies and I'm scared to step over the line, kwim? I suspect they follow Ezzo......

[Hollin]

I've always thought that it's because that's when it's "okay" to start giving cow's milk so they won't be spending a bundle on formula. I'd rather give my toddler something free that's made perfectly for him (not to mention that I get to eat whatever I want and not gain any weight )

[Awaken]

I have 2 very well educated and informed friends, very caring, loving moms who breastfeed without question- one of whom went through a lot of difficulties nursing her first child. But they both feel that one year is plenty and 'time's up, I want my body back, you've nursed enough' when their kids turn 12 mos. I am really glad they are committed to bf'ing for a year, but now that my baby is turning 1 soon, I can't imagine just cutting him off b/c of an arbitrary age limit.

Breastmilk is very much a portion of his diet and nursing is a big part of our day- I don't know what life would be like without it, for either of us. I can't imagine wanting to stop, either, when it's so easy (although w/ my older son it was a struggle so by one year I was ready to stop so I can understand that situation- but this wasn't the case with these friends)

I agree- I think the 'one year' thing has more to do with being 'allowed' to give cow's milk at a year and save $ on formula- and somehow that mindset has carried over to bf'ing as well.

[dziejen]

Wanderinggypsy,
Do these mamas have babies who are just a few months old? If so, they very well may change their minds. Many moms who begin nursing a baby don't plan to nurse for a year or 2 years simply because they don't see it in society or can't imagine nursing such a "big" child but as the baby and the nursing relationship grow, things fall into place and sometimes the same mom can't imagine quitting at "just" a year. Moms grow with the baby and that same baby doesn't seem so big at age 1. I know my plan was to nurse for 6 weeks, then 3 months, then 6 months and as things progressed, we bypassed our goals and nursed until age 4! Keep setting a good example -- maybe having a supportive friend like you will help them to keep going to a year and beyond!

[Meiri]

but they just shrug and make comments about third world countries.

Ask them to explain how our biology and theirs differs. NOT technology, not water quality, not access to healthcare, BIOLOGY.

I've been dying to ask someone that since DS was still nursing, but no one had the nerve to say that one to my face. I'd love an answer.

Another good question to ask, for those who say "12 months, long enough" how do they get 12 months as a maximum when all the recommendations state that that or longer are MINIMUMS. That's a special kind of illiteracy there, changing "at least" into a maximum.

I agree- I think the 'one year' thing has more to do with being 'allowed' to give cow's milk at a year and save $ on formula- and somehow that mindset has carried over to bf'ing as well.

I agree. The economics of changing over from formula to cow milk have been projected onto breastfeeding. I guess the question to ask those who say that is "why should I start paying $$ for a substitute milk now?"

[coobabysmom]

ds is just over 12 mos. and I know he nurses for comfort and closeness as much as for nourishment. It would be cruel to cut him off... and he probably would not allow for it anyway! He lets me know in no uncertain terms when he wants to nurse and is easily frustrated when my response is too slow for him.

[mama24-7]

The 12 month mark is a formula standard. When my dd was 9 months or so (she's now 4) I read Mothering YOur Nursing TOddler and in it Norma Jane Bumgardner talks about how nursing beyond a year was common before artifical baby milk became the norm. So, those who wean their babies at a year, are following a formula standard.

When dd was little, I got the "still nursing" comments frequently. Funny how noone has asked me w/ ds (he's 16.5 months).

It's amazing to me how people can think that solids at this young age provide much if any nutrition - don't they see what comes out the other end? How can something that looks pretty much like it did when it went in be giving them much nutrition??? :

I have a friend who's dd is 2 days younger than ds. She has no support for beyond-a-year nursing but me. Last I talked to her a few weeks ago her dd was nursing once a day. I don't know how I would handle life having to work to get ds to sleep, calm him when he falls, soothe him when he's got a cold, etc.

People truly don't see the value in breastfeeding, and this is just one area where even people who are committed to nursing may not be seeing the whole picture.

When people talk about the AAP's recs that say "nurse to a year, at least" my comment will be, "I don't want to give my baby the minimum of anything, let alone something as important and valuable as bm." And since there's a significant increase in a baby's risk of illness when weaned before do, I'll take the lazy way out, skip the weaning and continue to nurse. Lastly, my mother's mother died of breast cancer. Since BFing reduces my risk, I'm going to look for someone to nurse when ds weans if I only have 2 children. I'm going to nurse as long as possible - hey maybe I'll have to dust off the pump.

Sus

[ananas]

I don't get the 12 month mark, either...at 11:59, it's fine for your baby to breastfeed, but at midnight when they turn a year old, it's no longer okay?

:

[*mama moose*]

(nak)
i think itsweird too but what about even weirder Aarbitrary marks? like i have an aunt who bfs for only 3 months. she said after that its too "inconvenient"
i dont get how its any more or less convienent after doing it for a few months? Im guessing she doesnt nip if she thinks bfing is inconvient, but does that mean she just statys home for 3 whole months? eek!
i think its weird to make a cut off date for in the future when you have no idea what you or your child will be like then....:

[muppet729]

One thing that I"ve had to remind people of (for the last 3 years ) is that with bfing, it's not all about the food! My dd has always been a big comfort nurser and this has been my almost constant refrain.

I think that the one year mark is perpetuated because that's when a lot of people wean from a bottle and as we've said, are able to give cow's milk. People make comparisons between bfing and ffing because they seem similar in some ways- both ways for newborns to get food.

[Sagesgirl]

Personally, considering how rare it is to get even to 12 months, I cheer anyone who makes it that far. Even if they pop the kid off their tit at midnight and say no more. Of course it is best, most natural, and preferable to nurse longer, but it is most important in the first year.

Something else I think is causing confusion: The AAP's standards now say breastfeed at least a year. So people think that's how long to nurse (yes, I know they also are careful to say that there is no upper limit in nursing, and yes I know the WHO says 2 years is ideal). Sort of like how their old statement said to nurse at least six months and everyone thought that meant it was OK to switch over to formula at six months.

Of course, I'd be quite tempted to ask them why the bare minimum is good enough for their baby, but that would be mean.

[quaz]

Originally Posted by Sagesgirl

Personally, considering how rare it is to get even to 12 months, I cheer anyone who makes it that far. Even if they pop the kid off their tit at midnight and say no more. Of course it is best, most natural, and preferable to nurse longer, but it is most important in the first year.

Something else I think is causing confusion: The AAP's standards now say breastfeed at least a year. So people think that's how long to nurse (yes, I know they also are careful to say that there is no upper limit in nursing, and yes I know the WHO says 2 years is ideal). Sort of like how their old statement said to nurse at least six months and everyone thought that meant it was OK to switch over to formula at six months.

Of course, I'd be quite tempted to ask them why the bare minimum is good enough for their baby, but that would be mean.

Actually, I think this is the LARGEST reason for the 12m mark. AAP basically says to nurse for a year... AND people read it as a year. If AAP came out and said standards were 2 years... I think that would be a big step in getting people to consider it... add in that you can switch to milk at a year... it's not a surprise people wean by a year.

The other large reason is the whole 'baby' concept. If people considered children babies until they were 3... I'm sure people would see a difference in age kids nurse until. For now, though, people consider kids no longer infants if they can so much as walk or make any coherent word.

Tammy

[Llyra]

The What To Expect books, which many mamas read, recommend weaning at one year, provide all kinds of "reasons," and actually fib and tell mamas that the AAP RECOMMENDS weaning at one year. A LOT of mothers read those books and believe what they read.