the green-eyed monster

[kldliam]

I started thinking about Mikey more (the radio-show host thread) and all of the other men nationally who slowly learn about the cruel ugly facts behind forced genital cutting.

I imagine that there will be a new wave of hatred and resentment towards intact men (esp. with the growing numbers), for having something that was stolen from the circ'd men.

It is sad that so many of these men, who were made to undergo this tribal branding, will have such misplaced anger. Like Mike. It seems that some/many will blame the Intactivist (the messenger) and not the person who committed the crime against them.

How do we deal with the shoot the messenger syndrome?

[pdx.mothernurture]

I agree, and I think we need to be conscious to at least mention foreskin restoration to the men we're educating...otherwise, for circumcised men it's a horrible, hopeless downer to learn what you lost.

Jen

[TigerTail]

I think working out their rage is something that has to be dealt with within the community of the abused. The best we can do for them is our willingness to take the bullet. Someone has to.

I will always in my soul hate, hate, hate the neighbor kid who told me I was an 'orphan'. But where does the anger belong? At the system that forced unwed birthmothers to give up their children? My parents, for not telling me I was adopted before this could happen? My birthmother for not fighting harder to keep me?

Regardless, if someone outside the adoptee community deigns to tell me my anger is misplaced in blaming the neighbor kid, my first response is going to be 'stuff it'. It's not their business to pschoanalyze me or legitimize my pain.

[kldliam]

Insert misplaced anger here.

[pdx.mothernurture]

Whoa.

[TigerTail]

Kathleen, do you have a problem with me making a simple analogy?

[kldliam]

No, I guess I just have some misplaced anger going on here, please don't try to understand it.

[TigerTail]

Er... Ok.

At the risk of more misunderstanding, I was trying to explain (via analogy) that however we may try to understand it, there may be a dark place that people who have been genitally mutilated and are just coming to terms with it that we (the messenger, possibly intact ourselves) may need to simply accept.

I can't presume to tell a man who has just realized his parents, doctors, family, & society all conspired to cut part of his penis off, that he can't be mad at me for being the agent of bad news. It's hard to deal with in reality, but I try not to take it personally.

OK?

[kldliam]

Er...Ok.

[stacyann21]

I agree that circed males may definitely feel inferior someday. My poor DB is reluctant to even talk about anything relating to circ because he is starting to see that it is unnecessary and that he is missing a part of his penis. I tread very lightly through this topic with him, just enough to let make sure we're on the same page concerning NOT circing our son, because I can only imagine how that would feel. I don't want him to feel like I am saying there's anything wrong with him or that our son will be somehow better than him, ykwim? But in the end it's true, when you know better, you do better.

[MysteryMama]

Originally Posted by TigerTail

Er... Ok.

At the risk of more misunderstanding, I was trying to explain (via analogy) that however we may try to understand it, there may be a dark place that people who have been genitally mutilated and are just coming to terms with it that we (the messenger, possibly intact ourselves) may need to simply accept.

I can't presume to tell a man who has just realized his parents, doctors, family, & society all conspired to cut part of his penis off, that he can't be mad at me for being the agent of bad news. It's hard to deal with in reality, but I try not to take it personally.

OK?

ITA. To a degree, you gotta expect some anger, misplaced or not. It's like that about EVERYTHING, not just circ... nobody likes the bearer of bad news. I have definately felt a touch of bitterness fired at me by DH on occasion. Such is the burden of intactivists. Sigh.

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by jeannie81

ITA. To a degree, you gotta expect some anger, misplaced or not. It's like that about EVERYTHING, not just circ... nobody likes the bearer of bad news. I have definately felt a touch of bitterness fired at me by DH on occasion. Such is the burden of intactivists. Sigh.

Yep, I think even sometimes I get a little attitude from DH who agrees with me even. I have to be careful the way I say things around him, and try to speak as compassionately as I can. It's not fair for him to feel at fault for things that are not really his fault...rather are the fault of a society and parents who didn't respect him as a person nor care to give him a choice.