but I just don't really want to birth at home...

[Queen of my Castle]

This post is similar to the 'Why Homebirth' post- but on a slightly different angle.
First off, though, let me say I'm in full support of homebirth, I believe it's safe if not safer than hospital birth. I think it's a great choice, I support anyone I know who choses to do it, and I think it would be great to move the majority of births from the hospital elsewhere.
But here's my thoughts, as I'm preparing for my far away 2nd birth, and continuing to educate myself on natural, normal birth. I've chosen a midwife who encourages homebirth, for so many great reasons. Homebirth is legal in Ontario Canada, and healthcare is free here- so I don't pay insurance or hospital fees. I had a great first birth- only a couple interventions that I'm confidant I can avoid this time with my midwife, and natural, fast, and very very positive. I can't wait to birth again. The hospital was fine- small, local, excellent nursing staff, private, respectful and friendly, but of course still a hospital. I'm not concerned about safety, or 'just in case'.
But anyway, I just have no desire to give birth at home. Now, I don't desire to give birth at a hospital, and I wish it wasn't one or the other. If we had birthing centres here I'd gladly chose that, or before we had the local hospital we used to have birthing homes, which I love the thought of.
Here's why I think I don't want to give birth at home. First, my home is still under construction. We have a beautiful straw-bale off grid home that we built ourselves and have lived in for 3 years, but it's far from finished. Much is cosmetic- such as unfinished drywall, walls that need more plaster, unfinished bathrooms, etc- especially our bedroom area. Although, there are some more serious errors we are constantly improving upon- such as spots where wind gets in on cold winter nights that we haven't fixed yet. I think when I get down to it, I don't feel secure here- the unfinished aspect causes me some anxiety, even though day to day I live in it just fine. I love my home and I'm proud of it, but I think that birth is a very vulnerable time, and that I need to be somewhere I totally trust- where I don't need to worry about wood on the fire or battery charge or amount of water in the tank until next generator start-up- even though I deal fine with those things with a newborn. (I have to!) But also, there's the distraction of everyday life- the messy office where bills are very visible- the laundry needing to be done, the corner that I know needs to be cleaned. I don't even want to see these things in the hours of birthing, or shortly after. I want the security of knowing someone else is taking care of me- someone even more competant than my wonderful but domestically-challanged husband, someone like a mother-figure, when you can relax and know that everything's being taken care of. Where I know I can leave the light on if I want to, someone will bring me food, and help me to the bathroom if I need it. And lastly- I think I believe that birth is such a special, extrodinary experience, that it should be done at a special place. Again, not a hospital per say, but a place where it's good to give birth, that is indicative of the specialness of the event. Not a place that medicalizes it or makes it not normal- but a place that acknowledges it's uniqueness and importance.
Any thoughts? Anyone else feel this way, or worked through this and still decided a homebirth?
Sorry so long.
A

[sapphire_chan]

Didn't you *just* get pregnant? You've got a number of months for things to change or to make arrangements. For one thing, you've described how your house is *now* any chance it'll be "safe" for you by the time you're likely to give birth? Do you have any friends or family in the area who have homes you'd be willing to birth in and they'd be willing to have you birth there? Friends/family you could live with for the last month or so of pregnancy who live near a birth center?

Oh, and as far as the house being ready for you to give birth, I mean things like the dry wall and that that make you feel worried. Visual clutter like laundry can be swept up and cleared away in a matter of minutes, or within a day if you actually deal with it properly. Creating a calm serene birthing space can be done quite quickly.

[mama_at_home]

I think every woman needs to give birth where they feel most comfortable and at peace. If you will not be comfortable or feel secure because your home is unfinished, drafty, etc. then I can see why you want to look into other options. I was going to ask the same question as sapphier chan-do you have any close friends or relatives who live nearby who would let you use their home for your birth? If you would be comfortable there and of course if they are comfortable, then maybe that is an option to look into.

[Unreal]

My first was a very medicalized hospital birth.
My second was a natural water birth in the hospital.
My third was a homebirth (got out of the tub to push, just cause it felt right)

I needed to have #2 in the hospital to learn to trust that my body knew what it was doing. I was terrified of what labor would bring, since my only experience had been a pitocin induced labor.
I told everyone who asked (I have lots of friends that had homebirths) that I couldn't imagine going through labor in a bed I would ever have to see again.

With #3, I knew I was staying home. BUT the house stuff did get to me. We are in an ancient house (1875) that is in a constant state of repair. We've been working on our bathroom for 3 years now.
Our bedroom has hideous flower wallpaper.

There was no place I could invision safely and comfortably laboring.

But I knew that anyplace else would be 10 times worse--people coming in and out. Waking me up at all hours, checking on the baby, phones ringing, announcements being made at all hours....
Even though the birth was very natural, afterwards was a whole lot of the CYA that I would expect to find anywhere but home (but there are no birthing centers near here, so I could be way off on that)

I wanted a safe cocoon from all of those things...
and that, in the end, was more important than cons of being at home.

In the end, the odd pattern to the bathroom tiles gave me something to focus on through each contraction.
The finite supply of hot water? For the first time in my life, I didn't want hot water--luke warm was perfect.
The flowers on the wallpaper? Never even noticed them

I would say write up a list of the pros and cons for both options and go from there.

Prioritize what is left to do around the house to make you feel comfy....how much of it is feasible?

and go from there

[Mrs_Hos]

I agree that a woman should birth wherever she feels comfortable...even if that means outside on a playgound on a swing or even on the slide, monkey bars, or merry-go-round!!

Well--I'd hope that the neighborhood kids were in their homes as to not freak them out--since birth is still not that 'open' in our society!

[twogreencars]

But also, there's the distraction of everyday life- the messy office where bills are very visible- the laundry needing to be done, the corner that I know needs to be cleaned. I don't even want to see these things in the hours of birthing, or shortly after. I want the security of knowing someone else is taking care of me- someone even more competant than my wonderful but domestically-challanged husband, someone like a mother-figure, when you can relax and know that everything's being taken care of.

I know exactly how you feel. I was booked into a birthing center for this very reason (and the fact that we have 2 older children and lots of pets). I wanted somewhere clutter and problem-free - where I wouldn't have to see the piles of dirty laundry/clean laundry which hasn't been put away, dirty dishes, unwashed/unvacuumed floors, dirty tiles, old dripping faucets, etc. Like PP, "[T]here was no place I could invision safely and comfortably laboring." When the birth center told me that if I went over 41 weeks (which I did with DS and DD) I would then be transferred to hospital care, I then opted for a home birth.

Since then, I have changed the faucets in our bathroom (sink and shower), purged clutter, had leaks fixed, along with DH and DD and DS - radically housecleaned, organized, etc. Sure - it's still a work in progress - but a darn sight better. I'm sure in labour, I won't notice any of the remaining challenges - and as a bonus - our house is MUCH more livable and easy to maintain!

I would also stress that you should prioritize what is left to do around the house to make you feel comfy....how much of it is feasible? You might be surprised as how much you can get done! Look at this as an opportunity to complete some projects which have been on hold. I have been amazed as how much we've gotten done in 1 month alone!

[saratchka]

You should birth wherever you will feel the most comfortable. You say you had a good experience birthing at the hospital last time. I take it you'd be birthing at the same hospital this time around? If so, and you're just not comfortable about birthing at home, I'd say go to the hospital. I really thing that your state of mind during labor makes a huge difference in the birth for both you and the baby. Birth wherever you feel is right for you, and nuts to anyone who tells you where you *should* be!

[laohaire]

Ditto everyone else, birth where you feel most comfortable. Some other thoughts:

If no friends or relatives, you could also consider a hotel room, if you like (personally, I would rather birth in my DRIVEWAY than a hotel room, but that's me )

Also, when I went into labor I made sure my house was picked up. But it quickly got messy anyway. Midwife, her assistant, my mom all came over and had their stuff around. Food started being prepared. Somebody taped a blanket over the window (I don't like curtains, lol, and we realized a little last-minute that I needed a bit of privacy). My mom started doing laundry. We moved furniture around. All the supplies came out. You get the picture. I wasn't birthing in a postcard room in a postcard house (no drywall, though, I'll admit). But I never cared, plus as soon as I was in laborland, I couldn't even SEE hardly anything.

I also agree that this might be incentive to finish up at least ONE room that you can feel safe in (and preferably a couple of rooms). If not everything.

[rozzie'sma]

You don't have to homebirth, if it makes you uncomfortable you probably shouldn't. I am homebirthing because I know if I go into the hospital it will stall my labor, I will not be able to concentrate and I will leave angry, sad, and depressed. I learned these lessons from my first birth. If the opposite is true for you than birth in the hospital. Personally I could care less about the laundry on my floor, that the toilet needs scrubbed etc. Also, for me, home is that special place that a child should be born. Home is my sacred sanctuary. My place to be myself, aware from the prying and judgemental eyes of the outside world. But if that is not true for you, than your probably right in following your gut and birthing in the hospital. Wanting a hospital birth does not make you a bad person, or a failure. I added that because it seems like you are comfy with your decision and trying to justify it to the "crunchy" community.

[MichelleAnnette]

Like everyone said, birth wherever is most comfortable to you. For most women, home is the most comfortable place, but if you don't feel that way about your home, it makes perfect sense to go elsewhere.

[zoebird]

i think it makes sense that if you don't feel secure in your home, that you do not birth there. You might consider securing one room in your home--preparing it as the birthing room and making sure that it's finished even if everything else isn't. or, you might consider renting a cabin or other place to give birth in as well. maybe a friend or family member will host you during your birth.

i'm sure you'll come up with lots of other creative options too.

[Arwyn]

I'm definitely in the "women need to birth where and how they truly feel safe and comfortable camp" BUT

But anyway, I just have no desire to give birth at home. Now, I don't desire to give birth at a hospital, and I wish it wasn't one or the other. If we had birthing centres here I'd gladly chose that, or before we had the local hospital we used to have birthing homes, which I love the thought of.

You don't say you would feel more comfortable in a hospital, just that there are problems with your home. Which I completely understand - I'm a way pro homebirther, but I'm not sure I would have felt good in my previous house, either. Too many problems, too much crappy psychic buildup, etc.

But you have no draw to the hospital. And, alas, there are no birthcenters near you. So, you need to figure out for yourself whether avoiding the negatives about your home is worth the risks of the hospital (in general, higher intervention rates, high rates of infection, etc) in the absence of having a strong emotional desire for the hospital. No one else can answer that for you, but here are some questions to consider - is it just that your house isn't as ideal as you would like, or do you actually feel negatively about it? Can you change the state of your house before the birth? Hire someone to keep it clean for you the last month? What about the hospital attracts you? How do you feel about the risks of being in the hospital? What are the intervention stats of the hospital compared to the attendant you would have at home? Would having a cleaning fairy and postpartum doula make a difference? Is going to someone else's house, or a very nice hotel, an option?

[pamamidwife]

To me, if the place I made my baby is attractive and sacred enough for sex, then it's attractive and sacred enough for birth. After all, I'm living there, I must feel ok about it somewhat, right?

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by pamamidwife

To me, if the place I made my baby is attractive and sacred enough for sex, then it's attractive and sacred enough for birth. After all, I'm living there, I must feel ok about it somewhat, right?

Good point! Also, I had my first 4 in a hospital cuz I didn't feel comfortable anywhere else & it was the wrong choice for me. Think really carefully on this, you don't want any regrets...

[Emmeline II]

I hated being in my house the first 16wks of being pregnant with #2. I was nauseous all the time, couldn't cook, couldn't do housework, had a hairy dog and certainly didn't want to give birth in it. After I felt better I changed my mind. I would continue to think about homebirth and prepare a part of your home for it in case you change your mind.

[darsmama]

Originally Posted by MichelleAnnette

Like everyone said, birth wherever is most comfortable to you. For most women, home is the most comfortable place, but if you don't feel that way about your home, it makes perfect sense to go elsewhere.

ITA

[Queen of my Castle]

Thanks everyone for responding. Many good points were brought up, and many I will consider for the next 5 months! As I said, I'm using a midwife, so homebirthing is something we can definately discuss more and work through. The idea of birthing somewhere else is interesting, although nowhere comes immediately to mind.
I certainly do plan on 'fixing' as much as I can in the house- I don't want to have a newborn with a mess either. (I already have a housecleaner )The larger constuction will likely have to wait- until whenever- time and money will determine. I'm used to it now, but a few days break would be nice- and that goes for the more labour-intensive lifestyle we've chosen as well. Perhaps, though, if I do decide to stay at home we could more completely finish our bedroom/upstairs bath, with the closet, etc, so I have a little sanctuary. One thing I do really like is that our house if very connected to outside- from inside I can always be aware of the weather, and at a hospital you're totally disconnected. Last labour I remember realizing it was snowing/blizzarding and how wonderful that was, but wishing I knew it before. (maybe that's a canadian thing)
I don't necessarily feel that I will be subject to more intervention at the hospital- seeing as I have a midwife and I avoided much of it last time- and this time I know so much more. I did hemmorrage last time and was very weak for at least a week, so staying in the hospital for 3 days was actually really great- I hardly had to get up- I know that sounds strange. I wouldn't be without help at home, however.
I haven't made a firm decision, although at this point I'm leaning towards the hospital. Again, I have a lot of time to mull it over, but I did just want to bring it up here, and hear what people had to say about it because it's not a typical reason for chosing hospital. No one addressed the 'specialness' of the event vs. the ordinaryness of home, though, except Pamamidwife who spoke about the attractive/sacredness of home for sex, and therefore birth. Although, I seperate these- sex being private and intimate and birth being as you said, sacred and awesome. Also, sex is frequent and birth isn't.
Anyway-
Thanks again! Maybe in 4 months I'll be on here preparing! Meanwhile- over in April DDC
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[Arwyn]

When I want to do a sacred ritual or have a special event, rather than going somewhere else (although heading to the redwood forest is always nice...) I make where I am sacred. It already has the familiarity and comfort I like, I just use candles, cloths, lighting, intent, etc to make it temporarily more special. Heck, my alter used to be on the back of my toilet.

That, and hospitals are anti-sacred to me. Maybe a really special birth center I could see as being more special/more sacred than my house, but never a hospital.

Plus, I like the idea of birth as a special but inherently ordinary and domestic activity.

So I guess I'm not the best person to address that aspect of your considerations.

[Queen of my Castle]

Originally Posted by Arwyn

Plus, I like the idea of birth as a special but inherently ordinary and domestic activity.

I agree with you here- especially as I've been thinking about so many women who historically had their babies wherever they were- including tiny, drafty log cabins, sod homes, teepees and huts. Birth was domestic, and special becuase it was uniquely a woman's territory- but it could happen anywhere. It was special regardless of the setting.
A

[pamamidwife]

ah, see I think birth is PRIVATE and INTIMATE. It definitely SHOULD be because the hormones during labor are exactly the same during sex! What interferes most with the normal process of labor is a lack of privacy.

Good discussion!