IF they are only keeping him a short while, I can see your point. But, if it is going to be an undetermined amount of time, guardianship, IMHO, is best.
post #41 of 88
11/7/06 at 9:20am
As to whether or not she's taking advantage of you, I don't know. I would lean towards saying no. It sounds like she's desperate, really loves her son, and trusts you to take care of him. And it's really nice of you to be willing to do it. What I don't understand is why you want legal guardianship. What difference would it make? Why can't you just tell her that you really don't like going back and forth 3 hours each way all the time, so you would like to just keep him with you until she gets on her feet. Please don't be mad at me for saying this, but it does sound like wanting legal guardianship has something to do with the loss of your baby girl. And if it were my son, it definitely would feel like you were asking me to give him away. JMO. I hope everything works out.
|I also feel that you are too involved in this woman's life (granted she put you in this position). Your judgments about her decisions and boyfriend send up red flags for me.|
I'm not sure if you've explored this option, and I really have no clue how to do this but if you figure it out I would love to know...anyway.
Is there any way you could make *her* your dependant? Have her and her son move in with you, covered by Tricare, etc.? Get her a job at the PX or something as a military dependant? Then she wouldn't be considered a guest in housing, you'd be authorized a larger apt, etc.
|She was homeless for a period; was this the result of a choice SHE made, was she kicked out for some behavior?
She has no idea who the father is, and therefore cannot ask for his assistance, right? And has a new boyfriend who has replaced the last one she 'inserted' into the father role?
This is going to read horribly, I'm sure: Does she have a history of alcoholism or drug abuse? Is the new boyfriend a user? Could he be influencing her?
Momz; I understand what you're up against... the friend I spoke of in my last reply is someone I've known since 1st grade. I had to divorce myself from her life and the choices she made and watch from a distance as she went thru the ringer for about 2 years. Some folks might find that cold... but I had to do what was right for me; SHE understood, and we are as close as ever, now that the "storm" has passed, tho she lives in Hawaii.
If you are emotionally vulnerable, now, and you suspect you may have attachment concerns, and question your OWN ability to handle what MAY play out, with detachment, then go with your instincts. It will be painful, but the results of putting yourself (and dh and your OWN kids) thru what seems likely to be a painful and confusing process that will not be easily resolved later, could be MUCH more damaging. Kwim?
Draw your family to you, keep them close, and invite her to be part of things... maybe they can come for Christmas at your place, and then take home lots of good food, and some toys... maybe that sounds shallow or lame in the face of how grave her situation is... but I worry for you and your family, and what the future holds for YOU if you're too embroiled in this...