help me relax! ... and a rant

[citymama]

Hi, mamas. All the birth announcements are wonderful and exciting! I'm thinking of all those beautiful babies with joy. It makes me teary to remember those first days with a new litlte person and how incredible becoming a mother really is. This is also helping me keep in mind that I'm in the homestretch.

However, I am stressed as in can't sleep through the night (neither can dd for that matter) and have a headache I can't beat (bp fine and no swelling). I went to the hospital for some follow-up tests and the baby looks to be doing fine, though on the very small side. The perinatalogists are concerned that the baby has fallen below the 10th percentile in the weight estimate and the amniotic fluid is low. I am supposed to go in 2x/week to monitor the baby. As long as the tests go well, the baby can stay in utero until I go into labor.

I've been told by the docs and MW to rest more, but here I am at 5am exhausted but unable to sleep. I'm tired and worried about this baby, even though I'm 37 weeks along, my family makes small babies (though not this small) and I know that these estimates are imperfect. I just can't seem to get passed the worry and relax.

Now for the rant...
And to top it off although DH has been sweet in many ways, he has been irritating. When we got home from yesterday's tests, he took a nap while I looked after our daughter! All this right after I've been told to rest more. Over the weekend, I had one morning to sleep in, but then he went back to bed as soon as I got up and he hadn't given our daugther breakfast or gotten her dressed or anything. He sleep later than me 6 out of 7 days. Turns on the TV as soon as he gets home during the week while I'm getting our daughter bathed and ready for bed, cleaning up, doing laundry, etc. He does do the dishes, but doesn't help with anything else. He tells me I shouldn't cook, but then what are we going to do? Order take-out? Once in a while is fine, but it is unhealthy and unappetizing. I need good food and so does our daughter. The rest issue has been such a battle this pregnancy. Other DHs of my mom friends who are pregnant with the 2nd or 3rd kids, often get up during the week with their kids so mom can sleep in and put the kids to bed for the night. Why can't mine? When he says he's tired, I have no sympathy and he can't understand why!! He feels he needs his rest and down time so he can be "on" for work. Okay, enough ranting... I am soooo frustrated.

[mesmerize138]

Can you maybe explain this to DH in exactly the same way that you just explained it to us? Sometimes men can't seem to figure out the simplest stuff on their own (like the fact that you really DO need to be getting rest right now, and he actually can help you with that) but when it's explained to them like they're children then they can get it.

Trust me, I understand.

Do whatever you have to do in order to take care of yourself and your unborn babe right now. That's the most important thing.

[AllisonR]

IMO, you need to let go of some things and insist on getting your rest. It shocks me how little some men are willing to do, and why women stay with men like that.

This is just an idea of a "game plan". Take it or leave it, as you see fit.

First, you need to conretely but calmly and clearly discuss the problems with DH, just as you did here.

Then, make a CONCRETE list for him. ie. I am taking a nap. 1. Please bathe and dress DD. 2. Put the wash in the dryer. 3. Make some pasta, steam broccoli 10 minutes, and put three apples on the table 4. Come wake me up when dinner is ready.

Do the same type of list for getting DD up and fed in the morning.
He will get an idea of how much work you are doing, but only by doing it himself, not hearing you complain about it. He won't change overnight, but hopefully he will start doing his share.

There is something you need to contribute as well. When he does dress DD, even if it is pink socks, orange skirt and black tank top with stains on it, you should let it slide. If he makes dinner and the pasta is really awful, but the broccoli turned out well, it would be great to say "Wow, the broccoli is fantastic." I learned this from not behaving as my own mother did. She always gripped at dad for not doing his share, but whenever he did try, she complained it wasn't done right, good enough.... She used to say it was easier to just do it herself. So he got discouraged and stopped helping. I don't think it was all his problem, I think they got themselves in the mess together. I don't know how your relationship is, and since I don't know you, maybe this isn't a problem for you. But if it is, you will need to change as well, and it might be very difficult.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[mom2emerson]

First, I know it's easier said then done, but stay positive about your baby and your body's ability to care for this baby. You already said you make small but healthy babies (totally okay) and that the tests are inaccurate: VERY inaccurate. If/When possible, do some affirmations for yourself, print some up, read them, post them, tape them and listen to them.

I totally understand the exhaustion and stress thing: I've been up since 3am and typing this at 5:00 am!!! Between stressing that I'm not ready (organizational wise) for baby to come and technically it could be any day now, the physical discomfort of laying down for too long, and plain old pregnancy insomnia, I haven't had 8 hours sleep in months. Add on top of that another child to care for during the day and it is the perfect recipe for exhaustion.

I've been told by my MW I really need to take it easy now (still having some BP and swelling issues) and My DH is great in many ways too, BUT I'm still the one doing so many things (sleep is a big one here too). Bottom line is, you just HAVE TO STOP DOING THINGS. TELL your DH, I need to sleep now, please take DD so I can get some sleep or nap. I don't know why they don't get it on their own, but they don't. Mine tells me at the MW appts, "See, I told you you are doing too much" but when it comes to actually following through, there is more he can be doing (last night's classic quotefrom DH: "and why can't you take the car and car seat in for the car seat inspection?"..." KWIM?

Okay, sorry for the piggy back rant:
In conclusion...Take care of yourself and this baby. Period.