Is it ok to put my needs 1st now?

[the2amigos]

Background: My DH and I are blessed with one wonderful, adorable 21 month old son. It took us 4 years and many miscarriages to get him. I was on bedrest from week 11 on...I have a clotting disorder r/t pregnancy (antiphosphilipid syndrome related to pregnacy) and have to give myself lovenox injections while pregnant (not the most natural thing I know...)

Anyway, also found at 16 week pg, quite by accident, that I was fully dilated. Almost lost my boy! I had a cerclage put in and he stayed in until 37 weeks and we were/are so happy!!

His birth was horrible. He was "sunny side up", had MAJOR heart decelerations prior to delivery...ripped me everywhich way to get him out. Long and short of it is I have serious cystocele and rectocele issues as well as a serious uterine prolapse. The bladder/rectal thing is bad enough to deal with. But the uterine prolapse is getting darn uncomfortable - my cervix is sometimes outside of my vagina (TMI )

We wanted to wait until DS was self-weaned to get pg again, because though I know BF during pg is ok with a healthy, normal pg...I won't have a normal pg...so I know BF will be out.

So...I want to nightwean first and see how things go, but we would like to TTC again soon, because I just can't live like this - it hurts to walk, stand, sit, etc because things just aren't right down there. No one will "fix" me until I'm done having kids.

My question is this: if we start to nightwean and end up pg...will DS be ok if I have to wean? He is a nursing champ and loves his "num-nums". A big part of me says to just be miserable and wait him out because he loves it so much...but another part of me is saying he is almost two and at some point my needs count too.

Agh, why is this so hard??? Thoughts?

[Skrimpy]

I think it is important to consider your needs as well as his. I think that if you gently night-wean and cut down on the nursings during the day it's not going to hurt him. Try a "don't offer, don't refuse" policy for awhile - don't refuse if he asks to nurse, but don't offer it either (even though it might be easier to nurse him to calm him down, etc.) You may find some of the nursings cut down this way.

A nightweaning can be done very gently, with you still offering him love and support at night. I did this with my first two early in my second and third pregnancies. It was hard for them for a few nights but I was right there, holding them and talking to them. I also offered a sippy cup of water which you may or may not feel comfortable doing.

Some other ideas are to create a designated nursing spot - "we only nurse in mama's chair" and to come up with creative time limits "we'll nurse until the end of the ABC song."

Use some of these thoughts to "test the waters" and see how he responds. I *do* think you have the right to consider your own needs. You can decide to try and encourage steps towards weaning and see how he does. Then step back and evaluate what you're going to do next.

[wendyland]

I think it's always ok to put your needs first as long as dc is not harmed. Happy mama = happy baby.

[mumto2]

I just wanted to let you know that I had a rectocele/cystocele/prolapse repair done earlier this year. My first labout and delivery sounds just like yours.

I am able to have more children but will need to have a c section delivery, otherwise the repair will need to be done again. I had the surgery done 6 months ago, had an unrelated miscarriage 2 months ago and am ttc again now.

It sounds like you are very uncomfortable at the moment - go ahead and have the repair - you will feel like new! Becuse I had such a difficult delivery first time around, I had a c section for my second. Ds and I both nearly died and recovery for us both took a while, it wasn't something i was super keen to repeat. You may feel differently about future deliveries, but for me, the c/s was wonderful!

[the2amigos]

Thanks for the replies!! We do need to start TTC and take each day as it comes I guess. I can't wait to get all this fixed!!