I never really looked at my births this way but taking them all apart I definitely see it that way now.
DS1 was, and I have always thought this, a traumatic birth. I was 15, never had an internal exam, never been to an OB.. etc. I was terrified and I was also on state aid which meant I went to the clinic. It didn't matter your appt time there you sat and waited all day for a doctor that was truly evil and saw you as just another "piece of meat". That's how I felt at least. He never took the time to answer my questions. He viewed me as just another statistic and thought I was just some promiscuous teenager that made this terrible mistake and how dare I waste his time with questions! Towards the end of my pregnancy he tried numerous times to scrape my membranes. I had no idea what this meant.. I was given no explanation. When it happened the first time I was practically in a back bend from the pain. It was terrible. After I went 2 weeks over my due date (which changed more than once) he decided to induce me. On the day of my induction we found out he induced 9
other women besides me! My labor of course was very hard, I had no idea what I was getting into either. The nurses kept coming in to up the pitocin in my body and I can remember crying to my grandmother please I am done I just want to go home.. she to this day won't see another baby born because it traumatized her as well. Once contractions started getting harder I was screaming. One of the nurses aides came in and told me to shut up and that I was disturbing the other patients. I had one nurse that was very nice to me she came in and lowered the pitocin and said to my grandmother and my son's father that she didn't know why it was up so high. My water bag was also manually broke. When it finally came time to deliver (after being told not to push at all for over an hour) I was brought into the Csection room because this doctor was playing God and all the other delivery rooms were taken. He came in told me when to push and when ds father was enthusiastic about the birth trying to describe things to me he told him to shut up that I didn't want to hear that. He gave me an episiotomy (from my vagina almost to my rectum) and my baby was born within minutes. I had over a hundred stitches inside and out. My baby was whisked away from me and I saw him maybe 3 times the whole time I was in the hospital eventhough I stated I wanted to try to breastfeed. My doctor overrode that and made the nurses put formula feed only on his little card. Before I left the hospital I was given a prescription for BC without even being asked and went home so sore and broken from his birth.
DS2- His birth was my most "natural". I was induced with him as well because my doctor (different OB) felt it was best. They didn't use pitocin until the end though.. just a gel or a pill in my cervix. This caused my contractions to "piggyback" and they had to give me a shot of some crazy drug that made me feel like I was on crack or something. My dh asked me if I was ok because my eyes were bugging out of my head. I was actually "allowed" to get out of bed and sit in the shower for a bit although the nurse asked me if I was sure I wanted to do that! I said um yeah I wouldn't have paged you otherwise! I went from 4 cms to 9 in a 45 min shower because I was able to relax in there. When I got out my contractions hit pretty hard and the nurse had me lay on my back while she prepared everything for my son's birth. When the urge to push came on pretty strong I tried not to because that is what she told me to do. I couldn't help it though and my water broke on it's own. When I told her my water broke she asked me if I was sure.
: In my irritation I told her no I just pissed all over myself! She called the doctor after that and his birth went pretty well aside from getting stuck and being pulled out which broke his little collarbone.
DS3- I honestly thought by this time I knew enough about birth. I was again induced because I have a tendency to keep them in long. They hooked me up to the pitocin drip after the pills in my cervix refused to work. I was told I had to stay on my back to labor because I had such a strong reaction with my last birth to the gel or pill. I asked if I could get into the shower because it would relax me and things would go better for me and the baby. I was told NO. I was in such awful pain and discomfort pretty much right from the get go. By 4 cms I couldn't take it anymore and a nurse came in to give me something to take the edge off. The doctor came in 10 minutes later to manually break my water. That made things so much worse. I finally opted for an epidural because I couldn't take it anymore.. I honestly felt like my uterus was going to explode. I went from 4 to pushing in 30 minutes. My nurse (who was great!) told me that they thought the cord was wrapped around his neck but that the doctor would get upset with her if he knew she told me that. She felt all her patients should be informed of everything happening with them. She was actually against my getting the epidural because I was adamant in the beginning of not having one. He was delivered just fine and was immediately placed at my breast.
I have to say that I always wanted a homebirth but was never in the position of having one. (we always lived with someone else) I think I was very uneducated with my first and really thought I was educated with my last. I really dislike Ob's. My doctor that did my 6 week check after both ds2 and ds3 asked me what sort of BC I would be taking and when I said none he scoffed at me and said he would see me in 3 mos pregnant again.
: It's not like my kids are spaced that close they are all about 3 yrs apart! Besides if that is how I chose to have my babies what business is it of his?! I no longer have an OB/GYNE and if I were to have another baby things would be different. I don't know if my insurance covers midwives.. I don't know if I am confident enough to go it UC... but I do know that things will be far far different. I would make sure my wishes are known and if need be find a doctor that would stick with them. I would never be induced again. I would request that I be able to labor my way.. shower, bath if available, and so on..
I have to say sorry for the length of my post but know that it is truly healing to get it all out on here. I didn't fully realise how much it bothered me to keep it all in.