Anyone feel this way?

[travisandjill]

: Before I got PG with my son, I was really involved with MOPS and moms clubs and was confortable with others changing my dd's diapers. Ever since my son was born I have kept him in my sight and never let others change him. I kept him in MOPS with me until he was 5 months and they told me I had to send him to the nursery. I didnt want to do that so I quit. We have since moved to Texas and now my son is 18 months old. I am still afraid of people retracting him or etc....I just feel its too much trouble to give the 10 minute "no retract, no touch penis" lesson everytime I want to leave my kids for an hour to have alone time. Now I am scared that beside from retracting him they would somehow make him feel like an outsider because he is intact. I wouldnt want the caretakers to make snotty comments to or around him, or somehow act as if he were gross...this only worries me because Texas probably has one of the highest circ rates and is very conservative and doesnt like change. I feel so alone out here. I am afraid to make friends with my neighbors with kids because chances are they will be pro-circ and I will either get mad or feel like an outsider, and the friendship wouldnt work out. Somedays I feel like I only have you guys as friends, even my own siblings and parents think I am crazy.

Thanks for listening to my vent

Jill

Proud momma to uncirc'd and unvaxed Hannah and Noah

[kldliam]

sorry you're so blue tonight Jill. I guess because I have been very anti-babysitter, I haven't had to deal with this as much as you have. My son is 5 now and has never been in the care of anyone except trusted family. his intactness has never been an issue thus far. I suppose if i had to leave my kid with non-family members, or strangers, it might make me queesy too. having to give every idiot an education, worring about ridicule etc...:

I do however struggle with not being able to be close to circing moms. I live in California too, but a very conservative pocket (San Diego) so it often feels like I am living in mutilation land.

Have you looked into any AP groups? Chances are good that you will find 1, 2 or more moms in there with intact kids. Don't be surprised to find that some "AP" moms still circ. Seems nutty to me that a person would call themself an "attached" parent, yet "detach" for the mutilation of their kid. But i really do think your best bet is to find an AP playgroup and you may find 1 or 2 moms in there with an intact child.

Find a group here:
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/groups.shtml

also try a web search in your area for AP playgroups.

Take Care.

[TigerTail]

Not to be nit-picky, but a true definition of 'conservative' would include 'leaving well-enough alone'.

(If some soi-disant 'conservatives' haven't figured that out & still think of cutting off other pieces of people as laissez-faire, that's their error, and one that about 2 minutes of reasoned logic with themselves could settle.)

[Super Pickle]

Jill,
I think it's highly unlikely that any substitute caregiver would retract your son. I've never worried about leaving my son with an occasional babysitter. I baby-sat two intact boys before I knew about intact care and it never would have occurred to me to retract them. That would have seemed icky and perverted!
Don't shy away from social interaction because your son is intact! It's good for you to be around other moms. Most likely, their reaction would be mild surprise and genuine interest. You might just make someone else think twice about it! If you are worried about retraction though, maybe you could just slip a little card in the side pocket of the diaper bag with brief instructions:
"Yes, that's a foreksin. No, you never pull it back to clean me. Just wipe me on the outside when you change my diaper. Thanks!"
Good luck! Isolation is not good for mommies!

[kldliam]

TT: Not to be nit-picky, but a true definition of 'conservative' would include 'leaving well-enough alone'.

Oh you love to nit-pick me but i do agree with you here.

All I meant was that 'conservative' people tend to be unquestionable slaves of "tradition" and US "tradition" dictates that we butcher penises.

[TigerTail]

I know, but the poor ol' conservatives had a rough week, I didn't want to stick them with the check on this, too.

[Jillie]

Hey Jill, another Jill here with the same feelings. I haven't left ds alone with anyone but dh. I felt much more comfortable leaving the girls with grandma (MIL) at this age, but I don't want to have the 'conversation' with her. She tends to not listen to me anyway so I just have this feeling...... I hate it. My mother I would trust, but not many others.

[buckeyedoc]

I've had DS in daycare since he was only a few months old, and both sets of grandparents babysit him, but no one has ever tried to retract his foreskin. I understand the worry, but I haven't even given "the speech" to his caretakers. I think for most people, if they don't know what to do with a foreskin, they just leave it alone in fear!

[RidentMama]

That MOPS group sounds kind of snotty...ours is a bit more laid back (except for one particular person, but I'm pretty bull-headed myself, and I don't let her bother me anymore). Here is a thread about my MOPS experience with diaper changes.

I have yet to meet another mama IRL around here who hasn't circ'd their baby boy...but I'm educating them! I don't give a 10 minute lecture on not-retracting though, I just made up a card (and laminated it so that I wouldn't have to write it down every time & keep it durable) that says:

When changing J---'s diaper, DO NOT retract his foreskin. Thank you! R----

I put the card (which is neon orange and has bold black writing) on top of the diapers in his diaper bag so there is absolutely no missing it. I've only ended up with one of the caregivers ever changing his diaper, I check on him about every 30 minutes anyway.

Your son is not a misfit...We were created a specific way, let's rejoice in it!

Originally Posted by Travis&Jill

Texas probably has one of the highest circ rates and is very conservative and doesnt like change. I feel so alone out here. I am afraid to make friends with my neighbors with kids because chances are they will be pro-circ and I will either get mad or feel like an outsider, and the friendship wouldnt work out. Somedays I feel like I only have you guys as friends, even my own siblings and parents think I am crazy.

I live in Oklahoma, also uber-Republican, and nobody really bats an eye when they find out that we are a non-circ'ing family. I've had people ask me why we don't and they are generally satisfied with a 1-2 minute eye-opener lecture.

Don't be scared to make friends. It's a great way to go about getting out the word to stop circumcising!

[MommytoB]

I find that odd about the Mops I agree 'snotty sounding' because I end up going to a "mops too and I can be able to have my son in my area as long as I want if i want to or if he gets unhappy. He will get to stick with me

On other hands my neighbors are not AP at all if they hear anything of AP talk they 'go does the doctor agree with that ?