Oldest son having 2nd thoughts about attending birth

[mooliette]

Hey folks, just trying to get some thoughts, opinions and ideas for my family. We're planning our 3rd homebirth, our oldest son was 2 when youngest son was born. We're due in February and all of the sudden oldest son (8) doesn't want to attend because he doesn't want to see or hear me in pain.

We're watched a few videos and read the book Welcome with Love, a few months back he said he wanted to help DH catch her, and seemed really interested in the placenta and asked to help our midwife examine it. Now he's having 2nd thoughts, just wants to stay with the grandfolks and have us call him when it's over.

Any ideas on reassuring him that everything will be ok, that mamas laboring and expressing pain and excitment during that time is completely normal and natural. Without making him feel like we're pressuring him into something he just doesn't want to do.

Our youngest son (6) is totally into this birth, has outlined his jobs and duties during labor and delivery as well as after the birth. And I thought for some reason if our youngest is on board than our oldest would be too.

[twogreencars]

There are some good tips on :
http://www.homebirth.org.uk/ (follow the links for children at home birth) and http://www.compleatmother.com/homebirth/hb_siblings.htm.

My DD (9) has wanted to be present at the birth and my DS (12) is less certain. I'm planning on them both being present - but with a friend watching them/there for them. Telling them things like it's a good pain - not like a "kidney stone" has helped my kids so far. There are other tips like telling them that the noises you make are like the noises you would make if you were throwing a ball with all your might - grunting, etc.

I'd be interested in hearing what the tasks you are going to have your kids do as this is something I've get to talk to them about!

Good luck with whatever your son decides to do. What got my DS to want to be present is the "once in a lifetime" aspect of being present at his sibling's birth.

[mom2mimi]

I would just play it by ear for now. Continue to watch videos together but don't pressure him, he just may not feel comfortable. Make sure you have a backup situation in place, which you do with the grandparents, and let him decide when faced with the decision. My daughter actually ended up leaving for a half an hour or so when I was in early labor. I had my aunt on call to take her in case she changed her mind about watching the baby come and when my mom got here she kept putting the idea in my dd's head that she could leave if she wanted. Totally pissed me off, but that's a whole nother thread! Anyhow, my dd left for a bit but when she got to my aunt's she realized all the excitement was going on without her and she came back. She ended up "catching" her brother in the birthing tub! I would just be really laid back about the whole thing because he will probably change his mind just so his younger brother isn't stealing all the glory!

[teachinmaof3]

When we were planning our first homebirth (3rd dd), I was talking to my mw about our plans to not have anyone here for our girls. She told me the only time she's encountered children who weren't really interested in being in the room at birth were boys exactly your son's age.