Mama, please help!
Last night was parent/teacher conference night. DD's teacher is awesome. Seriously, he is everything you could hope for in a teacher and then some. We went over her academics, which is all great. She's in Montessori in the 6-8 year old group (she's 6, about to be 7). DD's teacher said that she is reading/writing at a late second grade/early third grade level, she's funny, creative, articulate and that he adores her. He did say she has some problems with being impolite and sometimes hurtful to her classmates. For instance, when they are having circle time, if the topic is boring her or if something someone is saying is boring her, she'll say, "Blah, blah, blah," with an annoyed look on her face and she'll do that kind of thing with her hand that people do to infer that someone is blabbing on. I have NO idea where she got this. Its never occurred in our household - not between her and me, not between me and a peer, not between me and another child.. its never happened. It is so disrespectful and rude. The teacher just talks to her about it in a gentle, reasonable way.
He also brought up that there's a little girl who is kinda needy and clingy and overtly physically affectionate. In his words it clear that it, "totally turns Shonah off." He says that's completely understandable and that Shonah does seem to have a high need for personal space and gets really annoyed when someone is not respecting that. He says that he's very supportive of her asserting that but that she does it in a way that really hurts this little girls feelings. She raises her voice and shouts at her that she doesn't like her, shouts at her to go away, tells her that she is annoying and that she doesn't want to be her friend. Again the teacher dialogues with her about it, tells her she doesn't have to be friends with or like everyone, but that she does have to be polite and respectful to everyone. He's also talked to the other girl about respecting people's space, etc..
I haven't talked to her about it yet because when I got home it was bed time. I had intended on talking with her today.
Instance #2: This wonderful, wonderful mama that lives in my neighborhood drives Shonah to school everyday. It is an ABSOLUTE blessing for us because we don't have a car and it takes us an hour to get to her school via public trans. This mama is crunchy and gentle. She just called me to let me know that Shonah is giving her a really hard time and that she's starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with the situation. She said most days are fine and that the girls (Shonah and her dd) usually get along well, chat, sing songs, etc.. but that there are days when they bicker and squabble. This mama tries to let them work it out, then she'll gently intercede and if it continues or escalates, she'll let them know that it isn't safe for them to be arguing while she's driving and she'll tell them to just sit quietly and listen to music the rest of the ride. Apparently Shonah will continue to persist with the other little girl and then become argumentative and sullen with the mama. She'll then refuse to get out of the car once they get to school and/or refuse to hold her hand when they cross the busy street and today she refused to go in to school. The mama feels at a loss and frustrated. She asked me if I could please reinforce that it is mandatory that Shonah follow her safety rules, like holding hands while crossing busy streets and that its not acceptable for her to refuse to get out of the car or go in to the school.
I have to say that overall, my dd is a great kid. She listens well and usually she is sweet, funny, loving and cooperative.
But right now I am a) Completely furious at her and am considering it a really great thing that I won't be seeing her until much later today. b) feeling embarrassed that I've been told twice in less than 24 hours of rude and disrespectful behaviour by my child. c) Am wondering WTH I'm doing wrong that she thinks any of this behaviour is remotely acceptable.
I speak kindly and respectfully to her. We have a steady routine that works really well in our household. She eats well and gets ample sleep. We spend good, quality time together. She is snuggled and cuddled and loved everyday. She is guided to be respectful and considerate of other's feelings and needs. I genuienly feel that I model positive behaviour. I'm not sure what is happening here and I'm not sure how I should address this. I am seeing some of this behaviour at home, though not nearly to this extent. When it comes up at home, I tell her how I feel and what I would like to see or hear from her the next time. Like for instance, she was grumbling about "hating her stupid, ugly coat" that SHE picked out a month ago. I told her that she doesn't have to like it, but she did ask for it and that I do work hard for the things we have and that I feel sad and hurt when she says she hates something that I've bought her to keep her warm. She said, "Mama, I didn't know it made you feel that way. I'm sorry." And that was that and we moved on. We don't do punishments around here. We're big in to natural consequences.
The way that the mama who drives her sounded, it seems like if this isn't something we can work on with good results, she's not going to be too keen (understandably so) on continuing to drive Shonah to school. That would be so, so, so incredibly unfortunate for us.
I need to address this and I need to do it tonight. I have a good few hours to quell my anger and get my thoughts together and I could really use some input.
One thing her teacher did say to me yesterday that was pretty redeeming was that one day in circle time they were doing an activity where they one ball of yarn amonst them and they creat a "web of appreciation" by rolling the yarn to someone and telling them what they appreciate about them. Shonah was the third one to go, so she had about 15 kids she could have chose and she chose the girl that gets on her nerves and said, "I appreciate you because even though I'm mean to you sometimes you're never mean back to me. You're always nice even when I'm not." The teacher said he got really choked up and just thought that was amazing. So, she gets it ya know? I just really want to address this in a positive way that garners results that it seems everyone in these situations needs.
TIA!
Last night was parent/teacher conference night. DD's teacher is awesome. Seriously, he is everything you could hope for in a teacher and then some. We went over her academics, which is all great. She's in Montessori in the 6-8 year old group (she's 6, about to be 7). DD's teacher said that she is reading/writing at a late second grade/early third grade level, she's funny, creative, articulate and that he adores her. He did say she has some problems with being impolite and sometimes hurtful to her classmates. For instance, when they are having circle time, if the topic is boring her or if something someone is saying is boring her, she'll say, "Blah, blah, blah," with an annoyed look on her face and she'll do that kind of thing with her hand that people do to infer that someone is blabbing on. I have NO idea where she got this. Its never occurred in our household - not between her and me, not between me and a peer, not between me and another child.. its never happened. It is so disrespectful and rude. The teacher just talks to her about it in a gentle, reasonable way.
He also brought up that there's a little girl who is kinda needy and clingy and overtly physically affectionate. In his words it clear that it, "totally turns Shonah off." He says that's completely understandable and that Shonah does seem to have a high need for personal space and gets really annoyed when someone is not respecting that. He says that he's very supportive of her asserting that but that she does it in a way that really hurts this little girls feelings. She raises her voice and shouts at her that she doesn't like her, shouts at her to go away, tells her that she is annoying and that she doesn't want to be her friend. Again the teacher dialogues with her about it, tells her she doesn't have to be friends with or like everyone, but that she does have to be polite and respectful to everyone. He's also talked to the other girl about respecting people's space, etc..
I haven't talked to her about it yet because when I got home it was bed time. I had intended on talking with her today.
Instance #2: This wonderful, wonderful mama that lives in my neighborhood drives Shonah to school everyday. It is an ABSOLUTE blessing for us because we don't have a car and it takes us an hour to get to her school via public trans. This mama is crunchy and gentle. She just called me to let me know that Shonah is giving her a really hard time and that she's starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with the situation. She said most days are fine and that the girls (Shonah and her dd) usually get along well, chat, sing songs, etc.. but that there are days when they bicker and squabble. This mama tries to let them work it out, then she'll gently intercede and if it continues or escalates, she'll let them know that it isn't safe for them to be arguing while she's driving and she'll tell them to just sit quietly and listen to music the rest of the ride. Apparently Shonah will continue to persist with the other little girl and then become argumentative and sullen with the mama. She'll then refuse to get out of the car once they get to school and/or refuse to hold her hand when they cross the busy street and today she refused to go in to school. The mama feels at a loss and frustrated. She asked me if I could please reinforce that it is mandatory that Shonah follow her safety rules, like holding hands while crossing busy streets and that its not acceptable for her to refuse to get out of the car or go in to the school.
I have to say that overall, my dd is a great kid. She listens well and usually she is sweet, funny, loving and cooperative.
But right now I am a) Completely furious at her and am considering it a really great thing that I won't be seeing her until much later today. b) feeling embarrassed that I've been told twice in less than 24 hours of rude and disrespectful behaviour by my child. c) Am wondering WTH I'm doing wrong that she thinks any of this behaviour is remotely acceptable.
I speak kindly and respectfully to her. We have a steady routine that works really well in our household. She eats well and gets ample sleep. We spend good, quality time together. She is snuggled and cuddled and loved everyday. She is guided to be respectful and considerate of other's feelings and needs. I genuienly feel that I model positive behaviour. I'm not sure what is happening here and I'm not sure how I should address this. I am seeing some of this behaviour at home, though not nearly to this extent. When it comes up at home, I tell her how I feel and what I would like to see or hear from her the next time. Like for instance, she was grumbling about "hating her stupid, ugly coat" that SHE picked out a month ago. I told her that she doesn't have to like it, but she did ask for it and that I do work hard for the things we have and that I feel sad and hurt when she says she hates something that I've bought her to keep her warm. She said, "Mama, I didn't know it made you feel that way. I'm sorry." And that was that and we moved on. We don't do punishments around here. We're big in to natural consequences.
The way that the mama who drives her sounded, it seems like if this isn't something we can work on with good results, she's not going to be too keen (understandably so) on continuing to drive Shonah to school. That would be so, so, so incredibly unfortunate for us.
I need to address this and I need to do it tonight. I have a good few hours to quell my anger and get my thoughts together and I could really use some input.
One thing her teacher did say to me yesterday that was pretty redeeming was that one day in circle time they were doing an activity where they one ball of yarn amonst them and they creat a "web of appreciation" by rolling the yarn to someone and telling them what they appreciate about them. Shonah was the third one to go, so she had about 15 kids she could have chose and she chose the girl that gets on her nerves and said, "I appreciate you because even though I'm mean to you sometimes you're never mean back to me. You're always nice even when I'm not." The teacher said he got really choked up and just thought that was amazing. So, she gets it ya know? I just really want to address this in a positive way that garners results that it seems everyone in these situations needs.
TIA!
It's hard to hear these things about our children, huh?
