or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Breastfeeding › That's It - I am done
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

That's It - I am done

post #1 of 46
Thread Starter 
Please. Please, please, please convince me not to stop breastfeeding.

I can't do this anymore. My darling DD feeds on the hour. She is 4 months old. She has been feeding on the hour for 2+ months. She didn't USE to eat on the hour, it was every 2 hours like clock work. Now she feeds on the hour, and sometimes more often. She won't eat for more than 7-10 minutes at the most during a feeding. I have tried switching sides, laying down when I feed her, nursing necklaces, changing positions, ect ect ect. She just won't do it.

I don't want to do this anymore. I literally spend a lot of the day in bed still nursing her, because it starts just as quickly as it stops with her. She gets mad REALLY fast if she doesn't eat. She won't take a paci if she would rather eat. All she wants, in her little world is to just be eating pretty much constantly. My DH and I are both at our wits ends. I am constantly engorged because she eats and eats and eats, gets milk started and then won't drain a breast. Or, she will have a few of these super short feedings and then DRAIN the hell out of it. She can't figure it all out, and I am so sick and tired of it.

I know it's what's best for her. But I can't even get meals in, or regular showers, or errands, or ANYTHING. It's amazing how much I CAN'T do because of this. I just want to brush my hair, and eat a meal on a semi-regular basis. I get to the point where I just give up, and I just don't even try to eat any meal in a given day except for dinner. Which, I can only imagine is messing with my supply.

Please. Pointers, tips, suggestions, camaraderie whatever. I don't know what to do here.
post #2 of 46


Can you nurse her in a sling while doing other stuff (such as preparing food and eating it?)

Would you consider pumping and feeding ebm for some meals, while nursing at other times?

I'm wondering if there could be a formilk imbalance, or some other medical issue going on with your baby. How often are you switching sides when nursing her? Have you tried block feeding?
post #3 of 46
Great big sympathetic for you. Those first few months are SO hard. Okay- thoughts- in no particular order. You say you're getting engorged- that's a good sign that supply is not a problem. Is she having enough diapers? What does her poop look like? How often does she poop? Is she showing any signs of reflux? Does she show any signs of reflux? Reflux babies like to nurse all the time to keep the acid down. Do you have a sling or carrier so that you can walk around while she nurses and maybe do a few things? Do you have someone who can come help for a couple of hours a few times a week? You need a break to eat and get a shower while you know that babe is held and safe.

hang in there!

-Angela
post #4 of 46
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post


Can you nurse her in a sling while doing other stuff (such as preparing food and eating it?)

Would you consider pumping and feeding ebm for some meals, while nursing at other times?

I'm wondering if there could be a formilk imbalance, or some other medical issue going on with your baby. How often are you switching sides when nursing her? Have you tried block feeding?
We feed off one side at a feeding. I have always done this because we initially did block nursing for in imbalance in the beginning.

I have to use a nipple shield, because I unfortunately was started on one in the hospital. Not knowing what I know now, I just did it. Now she REFUSES to nurse with out it. It makes it really hard to nurse in a sling, especially because she is one of those babes that likes to nod her head back and forth a lot and she knocks the nipple shield off (yet another thing that is driving me to the brink of insanity.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
Great big sympathetic for you. Those first few months are SO hard. Okay- thoughts- in no particular order. You say you're getting engorged- that's a good sign that supply is not a problem. Is she having enough diapers? What does her poop look like? How often does she poop? Is she showing any signs of reflux? Does she show any signs of reflux? Reflux babies like to nurse all the time to keep the acid down. Do you have a sling or carrier so that you can walk around while she nurses and maybe do a few things? Do you have someone who can come help for a couple of hours a few times a week? You need a break to eat and get a shower while you know that babe is held and safe.

hang in there!

-Angela
Lots and lots of diapers. She has a dirty one at least once a day, sometimes 2-3. She was having green diapers for a few days BUT, she had a cold. I think it was that and not an imbalance issue.

She shows no real pronounced signs of reflux now, although she did in the beginning. She refuses a bottle so we can't really do pumping, and I can't get very much at all when I pump. (I just did, and got less than 2 oz from BOTH SIDES).
post #5 of 46
Thread Starter 
I should add. I really don't want to quit. But I can't keep up with it like this. This is insanity, and I am losing myself in all of this.
post #6 of 46
Mama, I know how frustrated you must be. I was there. I came to MDC for the same help. I kept going because mothers here are encouraging and supportive (usually). Anyway, I stuck it out and I believe it was the best thing I could've done for dd. Maybe your dd is having a growth spurt. Maybe she's teething and needing extra comfort. Either way, remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Hang in there, Mama. You might save yourself a lot of grief in the end.
post #7 of 46
Sabby! Listen, if you can hang in there, this will pass, and will, in hindsight, become a phase! Your super-intelligent little girl is just demanding what she needs, she is too young to know that it is hard for you. I am not knowledgeable about nipple shields, but maybe someone else here can help you figure out how to wean from it. Eat as well as you can, do as little else as you can get away with, go out with Autumn so you are not always home, and hang on! Big from me, I know it's intense, but you will regret if you quit now. (she said, with a giant preschooler hanging from her boob)
post #8 of 46
Thread Starter 
Thanks both of you. I just wish this 'phase' hadn't lasted for 2 freakin months. That would be one long growth spurt. :
post #9 of 46
if you move to winnipeg it will all get better instantly. enough of this seattle mumbo jumbo.



hey, you asked for advice, didn't you?
post #10 of 46
no advice unfortunately, just s and :guhs to you
post #11 of 46

Thoughts for your situation

Is she urping up at all? Is it curdly or just plain old wet and looks like milk?

My aunt with 8 kids told me in my first week of motherhood that if they nurse for 7 minutes she feels they're doing good. That was good advice. The books are wrong on this point for many of us. 7 minutes is good. My son was a quick nurser all along the 18 months. (I think I might have a fast letdown and flow).

I experimented with how to rotate breasts so he got more hindmilk which helped him go longer stretches between feedings. Eventually we ended up nursing one side per session so he got the full effect of hindmilk. Then later on when he got even bigger, he would take both sides and drain them both.

Is it tied in with a sleep disruption problem coupled with a suck-to-sleep association!?? That was my problem with my first (I have another new baby now). Step 1) he wanted to suck to sleep (S2S) because that's what I taught him. Mainly, I didn't try out other soothing methods because the sucking worked and I didn't know better, was lazy at night. Step 2)He would then rouse from sleep and expect the nipple in mouth, then wake because it wasn't. I didn't know how long an infant CAN sleep when they DON'T have the S2S association, so I assumed his short naps were normal (which I supposed they could be in some babies). Step 3) He then wanted to nurse more often because he was waking up more often and I would nurse him back to sleep furthering the S2S association problem. BEGIN vicious cycle. Problem is, he liked sucking to start with so it wasn't ALL my fault. I wish I had at least TRIED the Happiest Baby on the Block methods to soothe at night and try to break the S2S early on. Breastfeeding is the first discipline. I try to parent very gently, however, discipline I feel is just a learning process. I might suggest putting the baby in a bassinette at night (just not right next to you) so that you HAVE to wake up when she cries (sometimes you latch them on when they are *just* fussy not hungry and this starts the S2S problem. Learning "fussy" vs. "distressed" or hungry is key.) I started my problem by latching on umpteen times per night and not even knowing it because I was half asleep!

Maybe try doing what you can to get more feedings close together and let them begin to be 1 right after the other so that you view a "session" as several on-off-on-off. Settle down and relax for awhile and stage your OWN nurse-in. Then, knowing she's FULL get her to sleep some other way, even if she fusses or cries in the sling (but giver her something else to suck on). Also focus on giving her some other cues to how she goes to sleep. My DD goes to sleep quite easily with the bathroom fan on I think because I trained her to do that by being consistently in there when I wanted her to go to sleep (it's always dark and the fan noise is soothing to her). Focus on the *last step* just before they nod off to avoid the S2S. Learn more in The No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley.

Also, around 3-5 months she may find her hands and suck on those. It's a tough choice whether to encourage that. I did with my son by giving him a cloth lovey (cloth is easy for them to bring up to their mouth and it's like a reflex) and he sucks his thumb now and I don't forsee that changing until he's maybe 4(?). I don't want to have to do something to break him of it, other than some gentle re-training at most. But, it helped us get through some rougher times and eventually he could go back to sleep a little better with the thumb. He's still not a good sleeper, some of it must be personality.

Not so my daughter, she is a dream. She naturally doesn't want to suck, so no S2S problems here. Coincidentally (?) she also sleeps long stretches. Being able to compare these 2 babies makes me realize that babies are SO very different from each other.

Your baby may have a strong suck need and you may consider giving her something else to suck on. That's why I asked those first 2 questions. She may be overfeeding due to wanting to suck?
post #12 of 46
but seriously, jack did that for a few months. i wanted to tear my hair out. i think i screamed a few times. it sucked. literally.

see? i'm living proof that you can survive it and will laugh about it later.
post #13 of 46
Here's a random thought that just popped into my head: let's say you did wean. Now how easy is it going to be to comfort an infant who needs to suck alot, has to have bottles of formula prepared, etc. When I ran a home daycare, the hardest thing was comforting little ones, I always used to suckle my own kids to make them feel bettter. Liv and I have been butting heads all afternoon, but are now both calm because we are sitting and nursing.
post #14 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by SabbathD View Post
I know it's what's best for her. But I can't even get meals in, or regular showers, or errands, or ANYTHING. It's amazing how much I CAN'T do because of this. I just want to brush my hair, and eat a meal on a semi-regular basis. I get to the point where I just give up, and I just don't even try to eat any meal in a given day except for dinner. Which, I can only imagine is messing with my supply.
By the way, I felt this same way. My son was sleeping on my lap for every bit of sleep he got! I only assume that the sleeping issues were totally tied with the breastfeeding and S2S causes.
post #15 of 46
Hugs to you mama!
I have found with my 2 oldest that by the 4th month, I was going insane, very emotional and ready to pull my hair out, then one day- it stopped.
I am convinced that the first 4 months are the time where mama and baby get to know eachothers rhythms and develop a comfortable nursing relationship. It just takes time, and like others have said, this too will pass, just a little bit longer, you can do it!!!!!!
post #16 of 46
Sabbath, quick thought. You say that you can't pump because your babe won't take a bottle. If she won't take a bottle of EBM, you might be setting yourself up for even worse feeding problems and frustrations trying to bottle feed her only.

Just a thought. I'm sorry this is so tough. I remember those days very well
post #17 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by SabbathD View Post
I should add. I really don't want to quit. But I can't keep up with it like this. This is insanity, and I am losing myself in all of this.
Oh man, how well I recognize these feelings. The early months with my son are so similar to this... I thought I would go crazy - except I had gone back to work, so I did have breaks in that sense.

I don't have any profound words of wisdom, but I did want to add my reply. This too shall pass... and then one day wou'll wake up with a two year old begging to nurse. (not a lot of consolation, huh? )

Whoamama is right in that switching feeding methods wouldn't be much of a help in the matter (as you know, of course).

My first thought was "growth spurt" though you're right in that it sounds like an awfully long growth spurt. Do you know of a LLL in your area? Getting her off the nipple shield would be a huge benefit; then you would be able to nurse her in a sling more easily.

Sabbath dear. I wish I had more helpful advice.
post #18 of 46
I don't really have much advice for you, but I can certainly empathize and sympathize with just how demanding (and hungry) little babies can be. I have a 4 m.o. too, and I've just started working again.

My showers come at the end of the day after she's asleep, if at all. It's gotten to the point that I will just give myself a wipedown before I change her in the morning, and forget about washing my hair or shaving my legs (though, honestly, I was never very consistent with the leg shaving anyway), and wash my hair once a week or so.

Re: popping on and off for little sips -- Mine does the "pop-on, pop-off, pop-on pop-off, the popper" a lot when she really just wants to cuddle but isn't very hungry. Or if she needs to burp. (Took me a while to figure that out.) Maybe just stop trying to nurse when she gets into the "popping" mode and walk around with her instead?

I am a weak pumper as well, and she refuses to take a bottle anyway, so I've slacked off completely now for the past month - so I can totally empathize with you on that point as well.

Maybe you could visit an LC or LLL group and work on weaning from the nipple shield? I think some mamas here have had success with that by starting out with the shield but then removing it once baby gets going and gradually reminding baby that milk comes from mom not silicone.

And maybe LLL would be a good place for some support in general, not just technical advice.

And hey, if you can stay here as an "unpopular" and amass 2800 posts, you've gotta be able to outlast one little baby, right?
post #19 of 46
im so sorry..my dd was the same way. I'm not sure what i will do if ithappens again. no way i can go through it again. hugs.
post #20 of 46
s s s

We had a phase like that for about 6 weeks. Lucky me, it was while I was supposed to be packing to move! I've never been able to nurse in a sling, so I was so incredibly unproductive

What worked for me was to just let him be angry for a few minutes and eat every 65 minutes rather than 60. In another couple days I pushed it to 70. Mind you, he was used to 65 so it was only a couple of minutes that he was angry but I'd go outside for a little while, help him pet the cats, watch the water fill up in the washing machine, take a bath and anything else to just keep him distracted for a few minutes while we stretched the interval just a bit.

I'm sure purists of on-demand nursing would disagree with that tactic, but if the current habits are keeping you from eating, then nursing is not giving your babe all the good nutrition it could be.

Titus is now a strapping 27 pounds at 11 months, so I don't think he was hurt by it at all.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Breastfeeding
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Breastfeeding › That's It - I am done