Anyone have a high needs child and TTC or have another baby?

[Lovenest]

My son is 4 and we are just now thinking in a few months to TTC another baby. He is very high needs, thats why we dont have another yet. Anyone have experince with this?
I am very nervous as he is high needs and sensitive.

Thank you for your time!:

[wendyland]

I have two girls that are 4 1/2 years apart. My oldest was pretty easy, but my youngest is a lot more intense. I'm also thinking about having another. I figure that we'll all just deal with it.

My sil's oldest son was a premie and has always been more sensitive. So, when she had a second, I think she did still give a lot more attention to the older one. But, her youngest ended up being totally mellow and easy going. You never know.

[mamainmotion]

We are ttc with a 34 month old. We waited and had so much hesitation because ds was a super high need baby and toddler.
We said there is no way we have another, then at about 2 we thought well maybe and now we are like YES.
he just is very determined, sensitive, creative, very bright, and takes a lot of energy. i couldn't imagine having another one before now.
he needs to be engaged in activities or he is out of control.
(were working with allergies too)
he nursed every 2 hours round the clock until 11 months. Hopefully # 2 is less intense. But it's oK. because now we know we are ready and we can handle it. he loves babies too which helps. he wants to help do everything too which is good and scary sometimes.
I am on a two week wait right now!! hoping for a BFP.

[Ape94]

my 4 yo is pretty high needs, and his little brother showed up this past april. ds1 has been suprisingly accepting of all the changes and loves the little one to death. he has had some issues, but he really isn't any more needy than before.

and if it helps, ds2 is the most laid back, easy going, happy baby EVER! Total opposite of #1.

[Lovenest]

Thank you for the replys.
I am still very nervous!
He has always been such a mamas boy and we CLW.
I just dont know when will be a good time for him to have a bro/sis.
I dont want to wait to long but Im not ready right now.
I am thinking maybe if the baby came after he was 5 it will be easier as he will be older and maybe alittle more understanding. Maybe close to weaning completly??


I dont know, this is me :!

[witchbaby]

k is extremely spirited at just short of 3. her little brother is almost 1 (they're 2 years, 1 week and about 23 hours apart!). we'd been debating even HAVING another child when i got knocked up with m when k was about 15 months old. it's been an adventure, yes, but really wonderful for both of them. k thinks her brother is awesome and he's her biggest groupie.

[Eman'smom]

My 2 are 29 months apart, we wanted kids 2-3 years apart, and honestly we thought the next kid couldn't be any worse that ds so we should just stick with the plan.

[beanma]

my dd1 was and is an intense, persistent, sensitive, velcro-baby. she is not quite 3 yrs older than her sister who is a bit more toward the average in terms of mellowness of temperament although i would not call her mellow, just moreso than big sis. they are pretty much best friends now at almost 3 and 5 and 3/4. dd1 does have a best playmate her own age, but these two really get along well and enjoy each others company a lot. if dd1 didn't have a sister she'd probably still be in my lap 24/7. i do love the cuddles and hugs, but sometimes like to be able to breathe, y'know? anyway my bottom line 3 yrs later is two is great.

[luv2eatamango]

We have a high-needs (spirited, sensitive, perceptive, active) son and this was our concern. I knew I wanted at least three years between our kids so that we could give him at least that much time. We prepared him as best we could (read books about moms b/feeding babies, hung out with newborns, talked about them as much as possible). He ended up weaning during my 8th month of pregnancy and then shortly after moving into his own room (his choice).

He had a VERY difficult time when his sister arrived. He screamed at us, tried to bite the baby, jumped on the bed while I was breastfeeding her, threw tantrums often, and peed everywhere on purpose (carpet, beds, sofa, you name it) even though he had been potty trained for a year. I later learned from a local API leader that her high needs 5 year old also peed in response to the stress of having a baby brother.

The stress level in our home was almost unbearable for about four months, in large part because we had other big changes happening around the same time (DS started preschool for the first time and DH returned to teaching school AND started grad classes at night).

In the last month or so we have noticed that things have calmed down and DS seems to have adapted and actually enjoys taking care of his baby sister (wipes up her drool, shades her from sunlight) and making her laugh. I cannot remember the last time he peed on the floor.

If I had to do it all over again, I think I'd wait until he was at least 4.5 because there are so many changes occuring in the typical 3 or 4 year old, let alone a high-needs one! But that's just me...

In any case, your son will adjust in his own unique way and in his own time. Good luck!

[cdahlgrd]

Yes, our first is incredibley high needs and very very very intense. I wished he was as easy as Dr. Sear little girl!!

We wanted a large family, but after a year with ds1, we figured he counted for at least 2. In fact, when we found out we were having twins, I just about lost it. However, I found out that our first is MUCH harder than our twins!! So I guess he counts for 3?

I am very glad we waited (he was 4 1/2 when they were born). He adjusted pretty well. He has had some bad days, and potty issues, but overall he adores his brothers and they adore him.

The twins were very easy babies, but they are starting to gain in momentum, sigh. I don't have too much trouble with keeping up because ds1 trained me well.

[savannah smiles]

Our girls are 4.25 years apart. It took us a long time to be ready for another child but I'm so glad we did. DD1 is still the same high needs child but the baby is (thus far) pretty mellow and I find that having 2 kids is more fun and easier than just the one.

[USAmma]

My first was, and is, high needs. She's slightly mellowing with age and turning her passions towards things she's interested in. She was also dx with sensory issues but has outgrown that dx.

We have a second child that was born when dd1 was 3. She is very mellow by nature, easy, a good sleeper. When we go somewhere in public it is my 5yo who usually has behavior problems and my 2yo is fine. But as it turns out, the 2yo was born with some pretty bad health problems and that has taken a huge amt of my time and energy and was very stressful when she was at her worst. Oh, and I was on bedrest with her from 23 weeks to 35 weeks.: While taking care of my high needs toddler.

You just never know what can happen. Probably you will end up with a mellow, healthy baby. I would just suggest that you set up a good support network before you get pg. You will want to rest alot in first tri and won't be able to because your older one will still expect to be cared for. I wish we had been able to afford daycare for my dd1. Or had family in town to watch her.

Good luck!!

[Tuesday]

DS#1 is 3.5 and he has been, since birth, a very high needs child with a lot of intense tantrums, a speech delay and just a "handful" most days. I worried a lot about having another child and then we decided to go for it since 'no child is the same' and figured we'd cope somehow. DS#1 ended up self-weaning when I was 6 weeks pregnant - much to my surprise. He said, during the pregnancy, he didn't want another baby but when DS#2 arrived, he was enthralled. DS#1 is so high needs - I expected the worst when baby #2 arrived and was wonderfully surprised. DS#1 is very loving and kind towards the baby. Our second son is 4 months old and other than a bit of jealousy about attentions, we've had absolutely no issues. DS#1 is still incredibly intense but much to my delight - our DS#2 is happy, happy, HAPPY and calm - all the time. Having a happy baby is just plain easy after dealing with "high needs" issues for so long. I wouldn't worry too much and just go for it if you want second child as someone said, 'You just never know what can happen'.

The best part of having two children is seeing the love between the two. Really, having our second child was our best decision ever!

You just never know what can happen.

[mata]

my first daughter was an extremely intense infant/toddler/preschooler. We had a second daughter when she was 3.75. I truly think our second daughter has acted as an equalizing force in dd#1's life. She makes dd laugh and has lightened her up a LOT.

[LizaBear]

My 4-yr old son is one of the children talked about in this article by Teresa Pitman.

He's recently been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, and remains a VERY high-needs child now.

He's got a 2-yr old sister and new sibling on the way in about a month.

It's been a challenge to meet all his needs, and not let my DD get lost in the shuffle some days, and I'm sure there will be many many challenges ahead as we learn to parent a third child as well. A challenge, but not impossible, and not a bad thing - just different from most families.

[maria423]

My dd (now 3.5 years old) is high needs. She was an extremely challenging (is "spirited" a better word?) infant, very colicy. We always joke that she never really outgrew the colic!

She was 19.5 months old when our son was born. In some ways, I wish we'd waited to have our second child, because I think dd could really (really) have benefited from having more time with just us. But we chose to have a second child so soon because we knew early on that she'd benefit from having a sibling in the sense that she, being so sensitive and having such a strong withdrawing personality, would grow and learn so much from a brother or sister close in age. As it turns out, having her little brother has been really good for her in that respect.

Our son is, compared to our daughter, very easy-going. If we had had another HN baby, I might have gone crazy, though. :

[Lovenest]

luv2eatamango- I have a feeling that would be my son!

LizaBear- That was and still is my son! He was never happy as a baby unless held and still was fussy. We are in the process of wanting to get him evaluated we think he may be boarderline Aspergers. He is very effected by food too.

As for TTC, we will wait until next year and see how our son is doing.
We have his best interest at heart before having another lil one.

Thank you all for the responses, it really does help to hear other stories.

[arratt]

DD1 is very high needs, hence the 4.5 year age gap between her and dd2, so I understand exactly how you feel. Dd2 is now 5mo and seems to be a much much more mellow baby, which I am very grateful for! Dh for the first few years kept telling me he didnt want to have any more children because dd1 was not easy, I kept telling him it couldnt get any harder I originally thought I would like 4+ children but having such a high needs child has made me think twice about it.

[BugMacGee]

I have a "spirited" older child. She's very bright and extremely energetic. Second DD was born when older one was almost 2 1/2. It's been a challenge but we wanted them fairly close together. I think it will be wonderful when they get older. But for now, we are exhausted! I actually went to the ER the other day (I work in a hospital so it was a walk down the hall) with my first migraine. I thought I was having an aneurysm.
Fortunately, both sets of grandparents are close and retired so they help tremendously. I don't know how I'd do it without them.:

The smiley I put in my siggy is sooooo appropriate for my older DD.