Quote:
|
Originally Posted by peacelovingmama
 So true. It really comes down to what we find acceptable on some level. DH was raised being hit and, although he has never hit our kids, he does struggle not to be physical (pulling DS into his room, grabbing him, etc.) when he is angry.
Once, when we discussed this he explained that "he just gets so angry he can't not do it." I asked him if he has ever been that angry with me. He said yes. Then I asked if he has ever considered putting his hands on me. He was totally appalled and said "no, of course I never would do that." So I asked him why it was that he gave himself permission to indulge his anger at our kids' expense but not mine. It was very thought-provoking. He basically came to the conclusion that, having grown up seeing kids violated like that, but never adults, he internalized on some level that violence against kids is more acceptable. He rejects this internalized message but boy is it a powerful one! And he, like so many parents, has to really work hard to remind himself that it is no more acceptable to hit young people than it is to hit older people. |
and a wonderful way to illustrate to someone who thinks its okay.
it also could explain to people who dont understand why most of us are so appalled at the thought of hitting children.
no ones trying to attack spankers but imagine your reaction if someone said they hit thier partner.
: ) or kick us in the face during diaper changes.
I'm quick tempered and oh god do I get pissed. And I mean like that **snaps fingers** I'm talking kick a hole through the wall type mad. But it's over in a split second. I am never, ever angry longer than it takes to mutter explitives under my breath or kick something across the room (I'm working on that--hey I haven't thrown something in anger in quite a while 
) The thing is, with my temper and my upbringing I could have easily ended up a spanking parent. But I didn't. I made a promise to myself, my husband, and my son that he would never be spanked by anyone. He's 2 and I've kept that promise. 
It's hard, even after two years I sometimes feel like I could hit him if I would only give myself permission. That's why I'm so glad I made that promise.
: We could also emphasize that most people have passionate love relationships with their partners that evoke extremely intense emotions. That only adult partners (not children) engage in the most provocotive behaviors such as commiting adultery, doing disastrous things with family finances, developing frustrating and devastating addictions, etc. etc. I'm not sure that it's fruitful to use the victim's actions to rationalize or compare levels of justification for family violence.
: It's all very sad. At the end of the day though, even if a family member bites your nipple, has a tantrum, cheats on you, or mismanages the family finances, violence is never justifiable.
-- I consider that to be just as bad or worse than spanking), have been impatient or unrealistic (my expectations), a few times moved her roughly, things like that. Thankfully, those times were wake-up calls that I had to make serious changes, and I paid attention . . .
