Am I making DS like this?

[msiddiqi]

It's kinda hard to explain but lemme try. I hadn't slept well at all in about 19months and it was starting to take a toll on me. We had tried nightweaning when he was 16mo but it didn't feel right so we stopped. At 19 mo I really couldn't handle it anymore... it was affecting my parenting (i was just so cranky all the time) and found myself doing really stupid things, sometimes dangerous, in the kitchen because I was so out of it.
After about two weeks he mostly slept through the night till about 5, 6 am. I felt MUCH MUCH better. Now all of a sudden, he is sooooooooooo clingy. I can't quite remember if it happened at the exact same time we nightweaned but I started to wonder if it had anything to do with it.
He has in general become more "high needs", even before the nightweaning. It's getting a bit hard to deal with because he gets upset if I even go to the bathroom or I walk to the other room for a second (he can totally follow me, so it's not like I'm leaving him alone). I even tell him, "I'm going to the other room to get x, you wanna come?" but he just cries and wants me to hold him all the time. On top of which he has started nursing during the day like crazy....
Even when I was in so much pain in our first couple of months of nursing, I still felt like I wanted to keep going, but now I'm just so tired of it. I feel like it's affecting my relationship with him along with his need for me to be with him all the time.
I feel like we are now in this vicious circle where a lot of times, I just need my space and I think he feels that because of my lack of genuine attention towards him (I really think he can tell when I'm being fake) which in turn, is making him more clingy I think.
Is this a phase or did I mess up somewhere??

[reepicheep]

Hi, I don't really have much advice but to tell you you're not alone! One thing to check is if he is getting sick. My son gets EXTRA clingy when he is sick, often it is the first symptom! I know what you mean about that vicious cycle- the more they want you, the more you run away, which makes them want you, which... I am finally trying to nightwean my 2.5 year old son and I think it is making him clingy, too but it is hard for me to decide which is more imoprtant-my health and sanity (which of course affects his life) or his security on this issue (which also affects his life.) I still am not sure but I do think this is a situation where something's got to give-- you can't just keep nursing out of the goodness of your heart, you will only grow more resentful, believe me, I know. I also understand the frustration of not being able to leave the room-my son acts like I abandoned him when I go into the kitchen. Like you, I don't know how much is a normal phase, how much is setting limits on nursing, how much is his awareness of my "get away from me!" attitude. Sorry for babbling, just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
Rachel

[mommy2abigail]

I'm sure its a phase. My 19 month old is going through it right now too. Of course she also has a runny nose, which means either teeth or a cold. But I do think it's an age thing too. This too shall pass!

[DevaMajka]

I think ds went through that phase around the same time.
I just had to remind myself that "a need met, goes away" and hold him when he asked to be held. And that "wanting attention" is always a need.
If I had to go to another room, and he wouldn't follow me, I'd pick him up and carry him with me.
I took advantage of the rare times that he was happy to play on his own, too. lol

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I think its a phase, too. DD acts like this when she is getting sick, is bored, or getting teeth. I have tried to find ways to include her in what I'm doing (its hard to wipe with a toddler on your lap but its possible!) and try to let go of thinking, "I NEED to be alone for JUST A SECOND!" because focusing on that just made me more frustrated.

I've also found that spending some quality active time with her sometimes fills her cup enough that I can then wash a dish or two or go pee. Alone.

[LynnS6]

This is a prime age for separation anxiety. It peaks somewhere between 18 and 24 months. I doubt seriously that nightweaning caused this. My dd, who is still not nightweaned (and she's 2 1/2!) went through this as well at about this age. Our son, who was nightweaned at 13 months and completely weaned by 16 months went through this at about 18-19 months too.

It's hard for me to connect it to nursing (although ds was weaned, he was still taking milk from a bottle and got lots of cuddle time there). Ds had separation anxiety very intensely - and even today at age 5 "needs" me more than other kids his age. He's reserved and slow to warm up. Dd had it less intensely, but is more of an extrovert. She only gets like this when she's getting sick (like today!) I too somehow learned to master the art of going to the bathroom with a toddler in my lap!! I don't need to that anymore, but it's rare for me, even now with my kids at 2 1/2 and 5 1/2 for me to go to the bathroom by myself.

I'm an introvert (like ds) and find that I NEED time to myself in order to be an effective parent. Yes, there are times when I can't get it, but when MY own cup is getting very empty, I need dh to step in and give me a break. Similarly, dh needs me to step in and take the kids so he can get some work done. This is why single parenting is so hard -- you don't have someone else to do this. So, I would involve your partner. Maybe they can take ds on an 'outing' once a week so you can have a cup of tea and read a magazine for an hour (do NOT use this time for cleaning!). My parenting is much better when I get a little break.

[mollyeilis]

It's definitely the age.

It might be the nightweaning, and it might be hunger too, if he hasn't replaced the calories he was getting in the night.

And it might be sickness (my guy just had a throwup/poop thing and was really clingy beforehand).

But it's absolutely partly due to the age...:

[msiddiqi]

I still am not sure but I do think this is a situation where something's got to give-- you can't just keep nursing out of the goodness of your heart, you will only grow more resentful, believe me, I know.

Yeah, I really don't want this special part of our relationship to go sour like this. I know it sounds cliche but I really felt better reading your post knowing I'm not alone. I think that somehow makes it better in a way - knowing this is normal and may just be a phase. I think my own guilt is making things worse.

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

I think its a phase, too. DD acts like this when she is getting sick, is bored, or getting teeth. I have tried to find ways to include her in what I'm doing (its hard to wipe with a toddler on your lap but its possible!) and try to let go of thinking, "I NEED to be alone for JUST A SECOND!" because focusing on that just made me more frustrated.

ITA. I get like that sometimes, where I'm constantly thinking "if I just had this much time...." and I think that leads to more fustration. When I catch myself thinking that, I try to shut it out and it makes me more accepting of the situation.

Originally Posted by LynnS6

I'm an introvert (like ds) and find that I NEED time to myself in order to be an effective parent... Maybe they can take ds on an 'outing' once a week so you can have a cup of tea and read a magazine for an hour (do NOT use this time for cleaning!). My parenting is much better when I get a little break.

Yes this is me, I really need that alone time, I always have even before I had DS. And yes, I do go clean when I have time... it's a sickness I think : But you are right, it sorta defeats the purpose of "relaxing time".

Originally Posted by Deva33mommy

I think ds went through that phase around the same time.
I just had to remind myself that "a need met, goes away" and hold him when he asked to be held. And that "wanting attention" is always a need.
If I had to go to another room, and he wouldn't follow me, I'd pick him up and carry him with me.
I took advantage of the rare times that he was happy to play on his own, too. lol

I do try to do this, but sometimes, my arms just hurt and I don't want to pick him up. But maybe he does need me to just sit down and do what he wants for a longer period of time. And maybe he'll feel more fulfilled.

Thank you all for your replies, I feel recharged all of a sudden reading all your posts

[abac]

I nightweaned ds at 24 months, and weaned completely over the folllowing 4 months. He went through a VERY clingy period and I thought it would never end! If I wanted to go to the bathroom, I would let him know I was going and wait for him to come hold my hand while I walked to the bathroom. Every time. Sigh.

It ended.

But to answer your question, no I don't think you are making him like this. Ds has gone through many clingy periods. Sometimes they need some reassurance when they are going through changes and reaching milestones. Just give him lots of love and know that this too shall pass.

[warriorprincess]

This is very much normal and not something you are "doing" to him. I found a backcarrier indespenible when I had babes going through that. Toddlers also teeth a lot which I always took into consideration in their moods.