Strategies for 3 year old harassing cat?

[thismama]

She can't/won't leave him alone. Any strategies for dealing with this?

The cat is not leaving. Well, he is, but not right now. We are foster caring for him til he gets a new home.

I don't have a huge house. He could be locked in the back room as an emergency strategy, but not all day coz it's tiny back there.

I am not spending endless hours removing her arms from entanglement around his neck. I just don't have it in me, I lack the patience for that.

I would like to be as non-punitive as possible. I've been doing timeouts, and those work, but I'd like to see if there are other, more gentle, options.

I realize this is a tall order, but any ideas?

[edamommy]

let her get scratched once and she'll leave him alone! may not be the popular opinion but a 3 year old is certainly old enough to understand that NO means NO TOUCH THE CAT! :

[thismama]

Originally Posted by edamommy

let her get scratched once and she'll leave him alone! may not be the popular opinion but a 3 year old is certainly old enough to understand that NO means NO TOUCH THE CAT! :

Unfortunately he has scratched her several times, and now she knows what NOT to do to not get scratched. But there are things he tolerates without scratching that are clearly not okay, like strangulation and crushing. If he would scratch I would have no problem. I am not against natural consequences, by any means.

Thanks for the idea tho. I need all the help I can get!

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Its really hard because cats are the most interesting of toys. They move, run, purr, and are soft and fuzzy. Not to mention those irresistable whiskers. Especially if the cat is fairly new to your household. Its going to be REALLY hard for her to resist.

We have a cat. Its probably easier for us because we have had Yogi since before DD was born, so he's not a new and fascinating being in her life. However, she does try to stand on him occasionally, ride him like a horse, and hug him. Yogi is very passive and doesn't fight back but he could be really hurt because he is elderly.

We put a piece of plywood up with a hole cut in the bottom big enough for Yogi to crawl through but not DD over the doorway to the second bedroom(at first we cut the hole too big... its amazing what a 2-year-old can crawl through). We adults can step over the board; its a bit inconvenient, but better than constantly having to rescue Yogi. So he has a place he can run to when he sees her coming if he wants to, and I don't always have to be on top of what's going on with him because he can take care of himself. Occasionally she does catch him and then I do have to intervene, but its not nearly as often as it was when there was no barrier.

If we didn't have a second bedroom, we would have used the bathroom or the main bedroom. His food, water, and litterbox are in there, too, which were tempting for DD.

As a cat, he often wants to be with us. So during those times if I'm not busy doing something else, Yogi, me, and DD will all cuddle together and I can model gentle touches ("Yogi likes it when you pet him like that! Hear him purring?"). If I'm too busy or frazzled to sit with them both then I plop Yogi in his room (he can come out anytime). I will also put him on the counter (I know! Blasphemy!) out of her reach and he likes it up there.

[thismama]

Huh. That is a good idea, thanks BellinghamCrunchie. There are places in the house the cats can go to get away from my daughter - I need to get her to not invade those places, which she sort of does, sort of doesn't. There is my roommate's room, which she never goes in after the cats, and then places like the back staircase or the window, which she has been going on.

I just found her on the back stairs and told her she is not to go up there anymore, it's a special place for the animals to be by themselves. She came down without protest, which was good.

[edamommy]

Originally Posted by thismama

Unfortunately he has scratched her several times, and now she knows what NOT to do to not get scratched. But there are things he tolerates without scratching that are clearly not okay, like strangulation and crushing. If he would scratch I would have no problem. I am not against natural consequences, by any means.

Thanks for the idea tho. I need all the help I can get!

oh my goodness! It sounds like a wonderfully patient cat, and I hope he doesn't have to take the consequences for your child's "hands on" behavior?!?! YOu've tried time-outs? right? How about a simple DO NOT TOUCH THE CAT EVER or a toy/loved item will be taken away from her for a period of time? We have a crabby dog... my ds has been brought up to NOT touch the dog ever... and he doesn't ... but then again, we've been telling him this since day 1.

Good luck to you and the cat!

[sweetest]

We have a chihuahua and a three year old - similar problem

We have "supervised" petting: dd needs to be sitting down and then the dog is placed in her lap. So its not "dont pet the dog" but, "if you want to play with/pet the dog ask and we will put him on your lap" otherwise he is not to be picked up.

It doesnt always work - but it slows down the grabbing by the neck

[Soundhunter]

Or, you could try the playful parenting approach, find the kid her own stuffed cat and let her squish it and jump on it to her hearts content, even join in with her on rough housing with her own "cat" and turn it into a very fun, giggly game together. Then, spend a lot of time repeatedly, over and over again, showing her how to touch the "real" cat in a way tha the cat likes.

I'm also struggling with my 3 yr old these days, but I realize that I often forget how little she is, and that little kids also need calm repetition from us when we're trying to teach them not to do things. When she was a crawling baby I accepted that in order to teach her not to touch certain things I'd have to calmly repeat myself many many times, hundreds if necessary, that nothing I did short of extreme violence would put an absolute end to whatever she was trying to do that I was trying to stop. Somehow, I often (and think many parents do, about their own) forget this about my now 3 year old daughter, I get more frustrated and freak out, out of frustration that nothing I do makes her stop what I'm trying to get her to stop doing, that I can't find an instant solution that will make her never do such a thing again. But the fact is, once again, short of extreme violence, nothing will work to get my 3 yr old to stop doing things that she wants to do but that I want to teach her not to do, short of calm repetition from me, hundreds of times if necessary. Anger won't do it. Punishments won't do it. Bribery won't do it. Pleading to her conscious won't do it. Just repeating my expectations calmly, as many times as it takes, until she learns and internalizes that our family does or doesn't do this or that thing this or that way.

So, I don't think anything will make her stop doing it as qickly as you might like. Giving the cat escape routes from her is a good plan for the cat, we have two cats and they have many places to get away from Emma, though she was born after we'd already had them for a decade and she learned once she was crawling how to pet them nicely and they are all good friends now. But it took hundreds of repetitions from me, like I said, those tails looked so good for pulling, jumping on them looked like fun etc, but she hasn't tried to do those things in a looooong time. But it took a loooooong time to teach her this! (poor cats!)

[Bippity]

Similar problem here to w/ our dog (who we got about 2 weeks before we found out I was pregnant). But, we also had an old cat who recently passed on. What we did was get one of those chain locks for the doors - it opens wide enough for the cat to get thru, but neither the dog nor the kiddo can. Find lots of escape routes, create space behind a couch, etc.

But, with our dog, the only thing that works is separation, he has to be behind a gate most of the day. I keep trying to let him out so they can interact, but DD's just so determined to hug him & squeeze him. He's a sheltie, so fortunately he naturally has a rather "soft mouth" in that he'll nip with his front teeth, but has never actually bitten her. And, honestly, he nips at her at least once or twice a day and she doesn't care. It pinches and she'll cry, but it doesn't deter her in the least. So, he goes back behind the gate quite often - I just keep waiting for her to grow out of this.

[MamaVolpe]

I have a solution that helped me with introducing a new kitten to an older established dog that might help. We had a room that was only accessable to the kitten via a baby gate that was lifted off the ground enought that she could get under but the dog couldn't. It allowed them to get used to each other and yet if she felt uncomfortable she could scoot off to her own room out of the reach of our dog. Once the kitten was big enough to jump over the gate we lowered it to the ground and she just jumped over if she wanted in. It also kept the dog out of her litterbox and food. I imagine that would also work for seperating a kid from the kitty. Another nice advantage is that the dog and cat could look at each other thru the babygate and check each other out with out any physical contact.

Good Luck and send my best wishes to your kitty!

[UUMom]

I keep the young cat and the babe away from each other about 80% of the time right now. When the babe is out and about, the cat is in a room, or outside.

When the baby is older, I might have them together without my supervision. As it stands, I am right there when they are together. They do not get along, so I send the cat out or to her room.

I think the baby is too young to experience the wrath of the cat.

I don't haven any issues with keeping them mostly apart right now. I hold the cat near the babe each day so they know each other, however. But the baby cannot control the desire to reach out and **grab** hard.

We have an old cat that can handle littles. So there is no problem there at all. So, I would say that the age of the cat, and the aggressiveness of the child, will offer much info on how to handle things.

[NinaBruja]

in our house we figure the cats are adults, if they dont want to be there they will up and leave. find higher ground. hide or whathave you.
and sandrel will tackle the cats sometimes it escalates to the kitty hissing and scratching. when the kitty growls or hisses i let her know that means kitty is mad and will probably scratch her if she keeps messing with kitty.
sometimes she apologizes to the kitty and goes on her way, sometimes she keeps doing it and gets scratched. when she comes to me i put tto on it and remind her that kitty tried to tell her.

if she thinks its worth getting scratched well then shes going to do it... so far she seems to think about half the time its a fair trade.

on a side note i remember tackling cats when i was little too, i didnt care about getting scratched i just wanted to love on kitty