Originally Posted by thatsuzygirl
Good gracious, No! My husband and I are raising our little one. There are certainly days that I am away from her more than I am with her but her babysitter doesn't make her appointments, wake up with her at night, buy her clothing, etc.
Only read the first page so far.
I've been a nanny (11 hours a day for almost five years), a SAHM (for a decade), and now I work outside the home part time. So I feel like I can speak from all sides.
To answer the OP's question, it depends on the parents. Sometimes, yes, the childcare provider is raising the child.
When I was a nanny, I got there before he woke up, fed him breakfast, lunch and dinner. I bought all his clothes and toys (with their credit card). Took him for his first hair cut, to get Santa photos, to his first movie in the theater - Lion King. Planned and executed all his birthday parties. Scheduled and took him to all pediatrician appointments, and to the hospital for tests when they thought he might have e coli. Chose the clothes, made the portrait appointments, took him to them, chose the photos to print, etc. Wrote up ideas for his birthday and Xmas gifts, then actually SHOPPED for them on their credit card. When he got hurt on his 3rd birthday party, he ran past his mom's open arms and straight to me. He had to be pried off my leg when I left each night, but waved goodbye to his mom when she left in the morning, as we sang the "My mommy comes back, she always comes back" song. Researched all preschools in the area, spoke to the teachers on the phone, went to open houses to see them. Went to mommy and me swim classes, gymnastics classes, etc.
Do I think I raised him from six months old to five? Yep.
But I don't think that is always or even usually the case.
I stayed home full time with dd1 and dd2 until they each went to kindergarten, and dd3 until she was three. The oldest two kids never saw a daycare. My dd3 is in an inhome daycare every afternoon for four hours. I think it is great; the daycare lady is very loving and fun and does a great job. I don't think she is raising my child - but she is helping me raise her for those four hours each day.
I think if the parents are involved and attentive and loving - whether they work outside the house or not - then they are raising their child.
But I think it is a really great thing for a kid to be attached and loved by their childcare provider! I am not jealous of my dd3's love for Miss Julie; I think she is pretty great too! It is GOOD for my kid to have that relationship. Do I think it supercedes my position as her mom? No. But it is a great thing for dd3.