I can't get her to practice violin

[velochic]

Dd was very excited that this year in school (she's 4) she was allowed to take individual violin lessons for an after-school enrichment class.

The instructor asked us at the first lesson if she played violin already and we told him "no". He said that she has an aptitude for it and plays very well. She is already learning how to read music and he also told us that she is doing well with that.

But I cannot get her to practice at home!!! She says she loves the lessons. The instructor says she's doing well. But she just refuses to practice at home. She acts like I'm punishing her.

I have two minds about it. She's never going to be a violin virtuoso, so I should let her do what she wants to do with it and not force anything... basically let her enjoy the activity on her terms because while she's not great at it, she seems to be doing well enough without practicing. On the other hand, I feel like she needs to learn the responsibility that when she chooses an activity, she needs to follow what the instructor says... practice 5 minutes a day. I even tried to compromise and tell her that if she would just get out the violin, name the parts and strings, then spend a few seconds practicing bow placement, I'd be okay with it. She doesn't even want to do that.

Force her to practice and potentially turn her off of it, or let it slide and let her learn on her own terms?

[beanma]

let it slide.

tell her how much you'd love to hear her play and that if she decides she wants to that would be wonderful, then leave it up to her. you can repeat this a couple of times a day and several times a week to remind her that you would really like to hear her. did you ever play violin? if not you might tell her that you don't know how and you would love for her to show you what she knows and you can learn together.

encourage, but don't push or force. i say this as a mom of a 5.5 yr old who digs in her heels everytime i push too hard about just about anything. i've learned a lot to back off and encourage, but not push.

[velochic]

That's what I'm inclined to do. Like I said, she's not a prodigy and it will never be a career for her, but I want her to stay interested in music in general. I don't want to put out the spark that's there. I just wish she'd practice a little bit!

She has a great ear for rhythm... will even say, "Hey mommy, that's syncopation, right?" So she has some musical aptitude... just not a great gift for it. Pushing the issue might put her off of music all together. I'd rather her learn to love listening than to force her to play.

Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate you responding.

[4evermom]

I'd let her do it on her own terms, too. IMO, it's more important that she likes music and has a positive experience than anything else at this age.

[momto l&a]

She's only 4 let her be a child. IMO If she interested fine but if she not fine.

[Zonie]

My daughter never practiced either. She is in junior high, and she plays wonderfully. Just let her enjoy the lessons. She doesn't have to excell, just enjoy it. It's a HUGE bonus if she learns to read music though... but not at age four.

[mothragirl]

keep it fun, she's only 4! practice is boring.

[flyingspaghettimama]

Um, I would personally wait on lessons until she was willing to practice. Violin lessons are expensive, and for us, it is a tradeoff - if she wants to take the lessons, she needs to practice (according to her teacher) and no way am I going to nag her. If she doesn't want to practice anymore, then we don't want to pay for lessons.

If your lessons aren't expensive, then she could just go and not practice, as others have suggested, and do it for fun when she wants. I would back away from any sort of nagging or power struggles over playing. That's no fun for anyone.

I think that the emphasis on prodigy and accomplishment is a little funny - I just hope my own has found an instrument that she can enjoy playing with other kids as a social recreation/pasttime. I'd rather her be in a band with other cool kids that she likes.

Here are a few things that have very much excited my daughter regarding playing for fun:

1) Playing for family and friends in little "concerts" at home. She called her grandma and left some songs on the answering machine. She also brought it to school one day and played there.

2) Going to social jam sessions with other kids.

3) Playing her fiddle while I play the keyboard, and we play songs together. Her brother bangs on the ukelele. It's hilarous.

4) Figuring out songs on it - i.e. some song she learned in school, she figures out how to play it on her fiddle by ear. But she started with BINGO and Three Blind Mice...it's a different skill than reading music, but can be a lot of fun and a sense of immediate gratification.

5) My daughter takes fiddle, instead of violin. We've met many other kids who started out with violin but liked the improvisation, creativity, and social atmosphere that fiddle encourages. So you might think about that too, either now or later. There also isn't an emphasis on performance (i.e. no recitals, etc), which we all appreciate. It's up to her when she wants to perform.

6) Have her "teach" you some of her songs, or how to hold it, etc. I can't play it at all, but she thinks it's funny to watch me try.

7) Going to see different styles of performances using the violin. Her teacher performs regularly in the area, so we go watch her (she plays everything - from middle eastern songs to irish to old-time to french bistro to classical), or we go hear classical or bluegrass, or whatever. The violin is a very diverse instrument.

8) We sometimes go out for dinner after one of her jam sessions, so it just makes it a special night.

[mavery]

I hated to practice as a kid and I got close to professional-level as a flutist. (I went to conservatory but dropped out, long story). Most of the time my mother didn't push me to practice, despite the fact that she spent a lot of time and money on lessons. Both my sister and I played several instruments right up until college and got pretty good, because we had a good teacher and we were allowed to enjoy playing. We both still play for fun and feel that music is an important part of our lives.

If she's progressing without practicing (and therefore her lessons are not a waste of time) and she enjoys the lessons and you can afford it, I agree not to push it but let her enjoy it. If you can come up with fun ways for her to play or practice at home, even better. If you can play an instrument or sing then playing together is a LOT of fun. Just finding ways to get her to play, even if she's not actually practicing, will be beneficial.

[velochic]

I think I'm going to keep suggesting it every day, but not push it. I was a drummer and really enjoy music, cool beats, etc. so I'm going to try to foster that appreciation of music. I do sometimes wonder that if she shows aptitude, are we wasting a talent... but it would be wasted even more if she gave it up all together. She loves lessons and they are not that expensive, so I'm just going to ease up on the practice.

[Stacymom]

I teach Suzuki violin, and my 5 yo dd is taking lessons. I have a differnt viewpoint than a lot here, so I'm going to give you a few suggestions, then shut my mouth.

Try practicing at the same time everyday- build it into a routine. We practice everyday, right after breakfast. Usually I haven't even wiped all the sleep out of my eyes. But it works wonderfully, because my dd is very much a morning person. :yawn

Try incorporating some fun practice games. Make a list of skills you want her to work on- short things like "make a bow hand." Have her draw them out of a hat.

Get a binch of little candles, and every time she does something on her violin, light a candle. You will end up with a room full of candlelight. There are lots of variations for this- try reading a page of a story in between every skill, or coloring on a chart, or playing a board game.

I have two pages of typwritten practice suggestions that I hane out to my students. PM me if you're interested, and I'll send it to you via email.

Good luck!