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MIL wants to hold the baby within minutes of birth

post #1 of 99
Thread Starter 
I'm due in January and today while I was talking to my MIL on the phone she mentioned that she expects to hold the baby within the first few minutes of his birth. I would like to concentrate on bonding, skin to skin contact and trying to breastfeed asap. I think there's plenty of time for her to hold the baby later. Am I being unreasonable?
post #2 of 99
Are you planning for her to be present at the birth? That sounds like a really weird expectation to me, to hold the baby "within minutes". No one held my son besides me for at least the first hour. Then it was just DH holding him. At some point the midwife briefly checked him out and weighed him, but she really kept her handling to a minimum, and it was only after he'd had an opportunity to nurse and be cuddled by both me and DH.
post #3 of 99
This is why nobody is invited to the birth at my house, LOL! We don't have visitors (and that includes blood relatives and IL's) for 24+ hours. I would like it to be several days, but that is the compromise with dh. My MIL wants to be at the birth, it KILLS her that I won't let her know that I am even in labor and only call after the baby is here. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! Are you birthing in a hospital? Will your MIL be present?
post #4 of 99
Wow. Why on earth would she think that's ok??

Maybe she was just expressing how anxious she is to get her hands on that sweet little grandbaby? Surely she can't be serious!

Are you planning on inviting her to your birth?
post #5 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeThinkinMama View Post
I'm due in January and today while I was talking to my MIL on the phone she mentioned that she expects to hold the baby within the first few minutes of his birth. I would like to concentrate on bonding, skin to skin contact and trying to breastfeed asap. I think there's plenty of time for her to hold the baby later. Am I being unreasonable?

Why on Earth would she be at the birth? I mean, unless you are very close and want her there.

Tell her no, she will not be holding the baby within a few minutes of the birth. She will hold YOUR baby when you say it is okay.

You can avoid this by not calling for several hours after the birth.
post #6 of 99
If she is serious, then that sounds intensely personal to me. It is as if she does not respect you or your boundaries. However, if she is just overjoyed and it was more of an outloud wishful thinking, then no harm done.

It depends on your relationship. If you are very, very close to MIL and want her to be there with you and DH to share in the entire birth, maybe even catch your baby.... then great. Go for it. If your relationship is friendly but not that intimate, then I would not even inform her when you are birthing. Call her several hours after the birth, at the point when you can say "Gee, it would be nice if MIL was here to see the new babe." And remember, this is your babe and DH, this is your family. Don't let her make you feel guilty for that.
post #7 of 99
NO - you aren't being unreasonable! Geez...tell her when it's time for her to hold the baby you will let her know. :
post #8 of 99
No one but me holds my babes until I feel like handing them over to DH. I held dd2 for a 1+ hours before I felt like parting with her for a minute, and it was just a minute.
post #9 of 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeThinkinMama View Post
I'm due in January and today while I was talking to my MIL on the phone she mentioned that she expects to hold the baby within the first few minutes of his birth. I would like to concentrate on bonding, skin to skin contact and trying to breastfeed asap. I think there's plenty of time for her to hold the baby later. Am I being unreasonable?
No!
I had an emergency csection and really didn't get to hold my daughter well into her first day of life. Everyone held her but me, including my MIL and mother, and many many more people. It still pisses me off that my baby was passed around like a football while I lay barely conscience and in terrible pain.
So when we had our second biological child (our third child) I made it very clear that no one but my husband could hold him until I did. The same went with my last child and it will be that way with this one too.
I personally think its unreasonable for grandmothers to expect to hold the babies immediately after birth, that its more like they are trying to stake claim to the baby. My oldest daughter and I are not very close but she is extremely close to my MIL, the second person to hold her (and she hogged her too!). She was the first granddaughter and girl in the family for several generations and my MIL always referred to her as "her baby". I was in essence a food source and it ended there.
If they are really pushy I would make sure they were no where near the birth, but that is just me.
post #10 of 99
Will there be a midwife or a doula there? You can ask them to stand up to her and tell her that this is a crucial baby bonding time and she can wait to hold her grandchild
post #11 of 99
no, you're not being unreasonable. explain to your MIL what you want and why you want it. And if she doesn't accept that, then tell her that it's your child, and this is how it's going to be--and if she doesn't like it, she can stay home.

my parents and my ILs will not come to visit the baby until after the babymoon--our retreat of 4-6 weeks post birth. luckily, we will live 3,000 miles away from them. so, it'll be harder for them to pester us.

our current plan is to not tell them that we're pregnant until we're about 6-7 months in, and then not tell them the EDD or how far along we are when we do tell them. I feel like it's none of their business.

i told my DH, if i had my way, i'd not tell them i was pregnant at all, and when they came out for christmas or wahtever, a baby would be there. "oh yeah, this is our kid."
post #12 of 99
This is exactly why I wouldn't tell anyone when I went into labor. We didn't want anyone at the hospital hounding us. You're going to be busy enough as it is. Your dh needs to communicate your wishes to his mother (assuming your wishes and his are the same). Good luck!
post #13 of 99
Please tell me you are not letting this person come to the birth.

I am known for my ruthless disregard for the desires of MILs. Mine called me an incubator for "her" kid while I was pregnant. She was lucky she got to hold the kid for five minutes when the baby was four months old.
post #14 of 99
I would "forget" to call anyone until the baby is born.
post #15 of 99
You're not being unreasonable at all. Personally, I don't feel right having anyone at the birth other than my husband (as far as family/friends are concerned... I'll have my doctor there, too). My MIL will be at our home watching our son, but she will not be at the hospital for the newborn until my husband goes back to get her.

When my son was born, he was on my chest immediately - for at least an hour. When it came time to do the newborn exam, my husband took him the 6 feet away and brought him back to me... where he stayed until we left the hospital for the most part. We had two visitors (non-family) who held him for all of 5 minutes combined on the 2nd day there and that was it! The one thing that really started to set off the blues for me was the (one) pushy nurse I had as we were leaving who wouldn't let me hold my own child as we left the hospital - she got all cocky and said, "MY JOB! It's the RULES!" To me, that's what your MIL is saying (and that sure as hell won't go over with me this time!).
post #16 of 99
I would just laugh it off like she's joking and do whatever I felt like. If she complains then just say..oh, I thought you were joking, sorry. And still continue to do what I wanted. She'll get over it. She's already had her turn being mama. If she gets upset about it, that's her issue, not yours.
post #17 of 99
your not unresonable when Nathan was born I held him and bf'd him for a long time. DH then took him the the other side of the room for the nurse to weigh and check stats. He then brought him back to me for a while. My older sons ( who were there for the birth) each took a turn then my MOM and MIL and sister ( who were also there at the birth) took a turn while I ate ( 22hrs and I neede REAL food LOL)
post #18 of 99
My mother held the bowl of placenta while the baby was still attached to it, with me carrying the baby, as I crawled into bed. Maybe she'd enjoy that?
post #19 of 99
right on, uumom!


seriously, maybe mil should not be invited....
post #20 of 99
You aren't being unreasonable.
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