Such a great thread - thanks for starting it.
I will jump on the consensus train and say 'no' - you are Definitely not being unreasonable.
My problem was not with my mother in law - who, often steps lightly when it comes to me - she's polite and respectful, most of the time. (We wont get into how she gave my 3 month old deep fried french fries to suck on
Anyways - she lives 6 hours away - she can't step on too many toes.
The problem was - my mother.
Note that my mother was very very detached as I grew up, we had an awful relationship - she had a lot of resentment towards me - (but luckily, I had a fantastic nanny.)
My mother suffers from many forms of depression and benzo/opiate addiction (also note that she is a therapeutic counselor, with the specialty of getting people help for addictions. irony.)
I've had a few run ins with her relating to my son.
First - she assumed she would be in the delivery room - cried on many occassions in public, when arguing that she would not. Also, she felt that she deserved to 'catch' the child.
After which had been established, she made the statement she would then be outside of door, and when the baby had been born - she would rush in to greet it, hold it as the umbilical cord would be cut, and bond with the baby.
Her argument was, "you have the rest of your life to bond with the baby."
Hah. I tried to explain with her, that it was her - that had the rest of the babies life to bond.
Ah - such things can be so hard to try to get across to my mother.
My mother also smokes, and would insist on holding my 2 day old son after coming inside from a cigarette break. Call me a cig-bigot, but I would adamently refuse her to be anywhere near him.
I actually got into a huge fight with her, and my partner - actually, about it all.
My mother knew when I was laboring, unfortunately, as it was induced - I made it clear that she would not be in the hospital when I had my son - she finally succumbed. I found out later that she called the nurse station every half an hour to check my progress. Claiming that she was my mother and deserved to know. I'm still kind of ticked that they gave her such information without my consent and knowledge - granted, she is my mother - but as I have said, we do not have the relationship that many mother/daughters have.
Anyways - you must set your boundries, they may resent it - but they will learn to respect you as a mother if you are very strong about your convictions.