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What do you wish you would have known?

post #1 of 60
Thread Starter 
I have a 2 part question.

1) What do you wish you would have known/been told about before your first birth? Were there things that scared you because you were not prepared for them? Or things that surprised you?

2) What do you wish you had know/been told about before your first UC? Were there things that scared you because you were not prepared for them?Or things that surprised you?
post #2 of 60
Good question!

1) I wish someone, somewhere would've been brutally honest with me about the pain. How much it would hurt, how long, that I might (and I did) lose all contact with reality, and that I might need someone to reassure me in transition that everything was okay (I did). I read alot of articles, birth stories, and books...it's not like pain wasn't mentioned, it just wasn't made clear how overwhelming it might be for some (like me).

2) As far as what I wish I would've known about UC, I guess I wish I would've known what to do in case of above on my own (which is basically what occured), and how to handle it without transferring.

Then again, most of learning is trial and error (at least in my case)!

Again, very good question. I look forward to seeing other UC/attempted UC mami responses.
post #3 of 60
1.Laying down can increase pain and make you vomit.Get into whatever position makes it tolerable,and not what others(or you) think is the right position.

2.Birthing was the easy part.
Don't loose faith in yourself, and run the babe to the ped/ER after the birth.
post #4 of 60
I wish I had been told how very messy and bloody it would be, and how painful. I thought I would be in control of everything but in hindsight I was just along for the ride, and really wish I had known to just "go with the flow" and trust my body more instead of trying to control it. The books you read make it all sound so simple and easy and clinical, and that your birth will go "just like this, step by step" but it is much more complex and, in a way, "mysterious" than that.
post #5 of 60
i wish I had known that the placenta doesnt just plop out after a bit.

my 3 hospital births the placenta was puilled out by the doc.

With my UC it was 30 minutes of HARD trastion-like contractions. i was not prepared for that.
post #6 of 60
My first birth was UC, so they are one and the same........

I wish I had known to just RELAX and appreciate those first 18 hours of contractions. They weren't painful at all. I spent the time worrying that it wasn't painful enough. (Stupid, I know). And worrying that I was going to be in labor for days..... Then when the serious contractions kicked in, I was TIRED and all I wanted to do was sleep.

I wish I had known to rest more after birth. (This all sounds like basic stuff, but I still didn't do it.) My tear probably would have healed properly if I had stayed in bed and rested instead of going shopping for baby stuff with my mom and sister on pp day #2.

post #7 of 60
this is the easiest question, the answer is the same for both:

I wish I knew not to exhaust myself in early labor. Labor and birth fell apart for me, resulting in transport and c-section becuase I went days without sleep. I had no idea a person can go into labor on a friday, and labor off and on until thursday. So I didn't try to sleep in between, at all. Had I made myself sleep, I'd have had a uc.
post #8 of 60
I wish I had had greater faith in my intuition.
post #9 of 60
I wish I would have talked to dp more about supporting me emotionally. I wish I knew how much I would need his emotional support and encouragement, no matter how strong of a woman I felt I was... I wish I was realistic about giving him suggestions ahead of time of what to say/do instead of assuming he'd read my mind in labor, or that I'd be assertive enough to make sure I get what I need...no martyrism.

I wish I would have insisted on NO houseguests at least a month before and several months after birth!!! We had one living there. What a hinderance and I really thought I'd be able to ignore their presence.

I wish I would have read more about postpartum and set myself up for more pampering & resting.
post #10 of 60
I wish I had understood the evils of pitocin.
post #11 of 60
First birth, I wish someone had told me that in a hospital, I would not be able to have the birth I want, to go off and be alone like animals do!

First UC birth, I wish someone had told me, ummm, hmmm, nothing really, maybe just to better explain to the kids what a lotus birth is, so 24 hours later they weren't all begging me to cut the "wire." LOL. We cut the cord on that second day.

First UC birth transfer to a hospital, that allowing other people in my space could mean transfer even though I was already a proud UCer.

First UC surrogacy birth, we will see in 20 weeks, let's hope the parents can leave me alone during transition.

I guess for me time alone, to get inside myself and feel the contractions for what they are: hard, deep, intense, pressure and not panic with fear/pain. I wish I had learned sooner what so many other UCers understand that fear=pain and vice versa.
post #12 of 60
I wish I had known what transition would be like, or paid more attention to what it was like for other women. We got through it fine, I just threw up about 25 hours ito my 30 hour labor and decided that was transition. I didn't get there until 28hours:-)
post #13 of 60
With both my hospital birth and my UC, I wish that I had eaten and rested more at the beginning. Instead I tried to bring on labor contractions and didn't eat enough or rest enough, so I barely had enough energy to get through the labors. By the time I realized I was starving and exhausted, I could not stomach any food, since I was nearing transition. That part of my UC was rather distressing, and I think if I had taken better care of myself, I would have been much calmer and more relaxed for the whole thing.
post #14 of 60
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your great responses. There were a lot of things that I had not thought of. This will be my first baby and a UC. I have been having bad dreams because I was worried that there would be so many things I wouldnt know. This thread is really helping me to relax. Thank you guys so much! Your great! Please let me know if you think of any other things.
post #15 of 60
1. When pushing, poop/pee/fluid/whatever can go everywhere! I projectile peed on the midwife. Looking back, it is something I am quite proud of..

2. When the baby comes out, it is very darn intense. Don't let that give you a mental block (~fear~) that keeps you from birthing your placenta. Remember- No bones! It passes quite easily.
post #16 of 60
first birth: how interfering a *midwife* can be.: That labour/birth can hurt like bloody hell.

second birth: Not all births are the same. I was always expecting the birth to become painful, like the first, right till she came out. oh, yeah, if the bathtub gets all bloody after the baby comes out, that's the placenta separating from the wall of the uterus (motherwort tincture was great for right then)
post #17 of 60
Thank you for starting this thread! I was just recently beginning to have bad dreams also. Up until now (I am 24 weeks along) I had been really confident, but I didn't know what it was...all of a sudden my confidence was almost gone and I had all kinds of unknown fears. Now that I read this thread, I think I know what it was...I need to talk to my husband more about what I expect from him. Like one poster said, no matter how strong a women I think I am, I think I will still need DH, epecially in transition.

post #18 of 60
Thread Starter 
I'm sorry your having bad dreams too. I hope they get better after you talk to you dh.

Does anyone know are bad dreams really common? I have been having the worst, most vivid dreams. They almost seem real. This thread has helped it some. I think a lot of it is anxiety of the unknown. But some of these dreams are so disturbing. Am I wierd or what?
post #19 of 60
1. I wish I had been told that there ARE midwives out there who do not think the Farm approach is best and who will keep their advice to themselves during labor and not poke at your belly awaiting the placenta. I also wish I had been told that doulas can often be a PITA and offer lots of unwanted and distracting advice, even if they claim to understand they are non-medical.

2. For my UC, I wish I had not underestimated how dramatic I am and how freaked out I feel in transition...I might have had an extra person on-hand to help my dh and dd, who were listening to me yell for the 10-20 minutes of transition. Less importantly, I wish I had gotten a pump to pump the birthtub out afterwards so it would have been easier for dh to do.
post #20 of 60
I think bad dreams are very very common. I had many with both pregnancies and both went really well...relatively short labors and babies came out healthy and breathing instantly.
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