Telling DC about baby?

[tatermom]

Hi everyone-
How soon do you plan to tell your other children about the baby, and how will you tell them? I'm curious particularly for those who have 2 year olds.

We've decided to tell DS (20 mos) about the baby so that he's included in all of this-- I think he knows that something is up . I'm just planning to talk about a baby inside mommy and the fact that someday the baby will be born... a long time from now. We're going to start pointing out sibling pairs at the playground ("that boy has a brother!") and the mom of one of DS's little playmates is expecting a baby within the month so we're going to start talking up the baby inside her mommy since he'll be able to see his friend's new baby sister soon.

I've also ordered some books. These are the 3 we're starting with, and then later in the pregnancy (maybe around 6 months) we're going to get books that deal more explicitly with what it is like to have a sibling, etc... I don't think we need to get into all that right now. Right now we're just planning to be vague about a baby on the way, that it is inside mommy, and how someday he'll have a baby brother or sister.

These are the books we ordered:
When You Were Inside Mommy by Joanna Cole
Waiting for Baby by Annie Kubler
My New Baby by Annie Kubler

These are the other ones I'm considering for later in the pregnancy. Does anyone know anything about them?
Hello Baby by Lizzy Rockwell
I'm a Big Brother by Joanna Cole
The New Baby at Your House by Joanna Cole
Waiting for Baby by Harriet Ziefert

I'd love to hear other ideas about how to tell the news to toddlers!

[Shelsi]

I have a 2.5 year old. I plan on waiting until I start my 2nd trimester just so that I know this baby is probably going to stick. I don't want to have to try to explain miscarriage to a 2 yr old who LOVES babies.

As for books about having a sibling I'm not sure what I am going to do. I read an article a while back that suggested all those books about not hating the new baby in the family is what gives the toddler the idea that s/he even could feel that way. I think that makes some sense. If you tell a child to not feel jealous, not hit, not freak out about suddenly having to share everying, then they start to consider that they can have these feelings and they may happen.

I do definitely want to get some books on homebirth for him although I'm pretty sure right now that I don't want him to attend the birth. That may change of course because he'll be just over 3 yrs old when the baby arrives and I realize he may be a lot more mature by that time.

[fw221]

Our dd will be 5 next weekend. We haven't come out & told her anything yet, but we've been talking around her about it. She despirately wants a baby sister and we're a little worried about how she'll react if it's a boy instead.

[twentyalmonds]

We haven't told anything to our 2 yr old yet, but we've started talking a lot about baby brothers and baby sisters. We're also talking about babies growing inside mommies' tummies and looking at photos of me while I was pregnant and then at her newborn photos. She's overheard us telling family and friends, so she knows something's up, too. We want to wait several more weeks before we tell her directly, though.

[HopesMom]

We won't be telling our kids (almost 4 and almost 2) until Christmas time. I want to minimize the chance I'd have to explain to them that we WERE having a baby but now we are not. My 4 year old in particular would have a difficult time with that.

[2much2luv]

I've told my kids, including my 2.5 year old. She's pretty clueless. We talk about it and maybe she understands it in some way, but I truly don't think she can understand something that's so far from her understanding and invisible to her, if you know what I mean.
I remember that it was the same with my first two who were 18 months and then 2 years old when a new baby was born. I think early preperation is good, but I don't think they can really begin to grasp it until later on, when the belly is showing and things.

[2much2luv]

Of course, I'm only speaking for my kids and I know all kids are different, so I don't deny tha tsomeone else's 2 year old got it early on.

[tatermom]

Well, we told DS today. We talked about babies in mommies tummies for a while out at the playground (looking at his friend's mommy's tummy) and then read the book I just got about when he used to be inside me and looked at some photos of me when I was pg with him-- he was really interested and kept talking about "baby in mommy" but then the book went on a bit too long and he lost interest . We then told him that there was a "new" baby in mommy's tummy and that he was going to have a baby brother or sister, but by then his interest had shifted to another book and he was begging me "mommy read bunny book"... oh well . I should have known better than to try to make a big deal of it to a 21 month old! Still, I feel better having officially told him; at least he's not in the dark about it and we can mention every once in a while that he's going to be a "big brother". Plus we're telling all our family on Thanksgiving so it's best that he know ahead of time. FWIW he really liked the picture books about the new baby (by Kubler) because they have no words and we could talk about each of the pictures. I'm interested to hear if anyone has any other special ideas of how to talk about it with an almost-2 year old.

[sleet76]

Re: how to talk about it with an almost-2-yr-old:

My DD was 22 months when DS was born. That is a big difference than your DS's age--being 21 months at the beginning of the pregnancy. However, I think my DD was fairly prepared by the time that DS was born. We talked a lot about what babies do--nurse, sleep, cry. How they can't really play for a long time, but they are sweet to hold and cute to look at. How we don't touch their eyes and we do touch gently on their arms and legs. When he came, it didn't really seem to phase her much at all. She was so young that after a few days, it seemed like she thought he'd always been with us. Things got more difficult between them when he started getting mobile and could mess up her stuff. But his arrival wasn't an issue.

This time, I'm holding off being really specific with either kid. DD is 3.5 and DS is 19 months. I'll tell DD directly when I hear the heartbeat. Well, she'll be there with me at the appointment, so I'll probably go into it with her saying that we're "seeing if there's a baby in mommy's belly". It sounds morbid to seem so negative, but I don't think I want to hear, "Mommy, talk about the baby that went back to God" 18 times a day for the next 8 months if there isn't a heartbeat. I'll tell DS at the same time, but I don't expect him to get it until my belly is really big and he's older. He's too busy throwing things, leaping off furniture, and climbing onto the countertops to ponder abstract things these days.