Toddler beginning to disobey - how do I handle?

[minkajane]

DS will be 2 in January. He's beginning to test his limits. For example, he'll climb on the furniture and stand on the arms of the couch, and he'll climb in the computer chair (the one piece of furniture he knows he's not allowed on without Mommy or Daddy sitting with him. If I tell him "Taylor, sit down." sometimes he will, then he'll stand back up as soon as I look away. Or else he'll just ignore me altogether. I'm afraid that he's going to fall off the furniture (which actually happened over the weekend), or he'll mess something up on the computer, or get ahold of the scissors and stapler STBX insists on leaving on the computer desk.

I've tried distracting him, but the only thing that really works for more than 30 seconds is plopping him down in front of the TV and putting on the Doodlebops, but I don't want to use that unless I'm really desperate, for obvious reasons! If I try to get him interested in a toy, he'll play with it until I turn my back, then climb on the furniture again (there's a reason we call him Monkey ).

Any BTDT moms that can help me out?

[skueppers]

My approach is mainly to not turn my back. Since I can't possibly deal with this for an entire day, we spend a lot of time outside of the house.

I also have the room with the computer in it blocked off with a baby gate, and I don't worry about behavior like climbing on the sofa or the chairs (though I don't let her climb on the tables). Yes, sometimes she falls, but I figure that's the best way to learn.

[Mizelenius]

I do mostly preventative things, but when DD gets mad about something truly dangerous that I am not letting her do (and can't prevent), oh well. I empathize with her, she still cries (she's only 18 months old) and gets mad, but I don't let her do it.

DD has fallen even though I've been RIGHT THERE and she didn't learn not to do it again . . .so I know that since that doesn't work, expecting her (or any young child) to stop/not do something is unlikely to work, either.

[foreverinbluejeans]

I set up my house so there was nothing dangerous. Could you put the computer chair in a room and close the door? This was especially important after my third child was born. My leg was paralyzed during birth and my husband filed for divorce the day after the doctors told him I would never walk. It was a good thing I was an experienced mother or I don't know how I would have been able to single parent three young boys from bed or a wheelchair.

[DevaMajka]

For climbing on something unsafe, I always redirected to something that was safe to climb on. The impulse to climb is a legitmate one, it's just the way he's expressing that impulse that is not ok. So, I'd find a different way to let him express it, since it's unlikely to just go away on its own

That's basically the same way I deal with everything. Find a related acceptable alternative, that honors the impulse. I also see it as finding mutually agreeable solutions- anything that has the hope of working has to be just as agreeable to ds as it is to me. So, telling him to sit instead of climb may be agreeable to me, but it's just not gonna cut it for ds. Telling him where he can climb is generally agreeable to him, so the climbing on unsafe objects stops.
I have a step stool that is always out so that ds can see up higher if he wants. It seems to really satisfy that impulse to climb and see what everyone else sees.

[Mama2 '05'06]

Definately keep chairs pushed in all the way. I have to do this with the kitchen chairs and the computer chair to keep dd down. I figured if she wants to get up on the couch she can and I will remind her to 'watch the edge so you don't fall'. She has fallen from the kitchen step stand while we washed dishes and her aunt was right there. She fell - actually tipped the whole chair over while standing on it- while I was right there. Yes, she banged her head and was extremely upset but she was ok. She also does remember to Sit when she gets up on the chairs now. I have to admit that I get rather upset with her at times b/c I feel that I should not have to have everything that she may injure herself with or damage(chairs,decorations,radio,VCR) out of the house. I think that I should be able to trust her to some extent to not do what I say not to do. JMO

[alegna]

Lots of good advice. He's simply too young to resist the urge. Don't expect him to.

-Angela

[mamaduck]

What deva said. For about a year at this age, with each kid, we had a Littly Tykes Slide in our livingroom, and the coffee table was in storage! As I lifted monkey boy off something dangerous, I'd be saying, "If you need to climb, then go climb on your slide!"

Stuff like the computer desk -- I found ways to block off entirely so that the temptations was removed.

I also coached them on climbing the steps pretty young, and then let them climb up and down the staircase for fun.

DD has fallen even though I've been RIGHT THERE and she didn't learn not to do it again . . .so I know that since that doesn't work, expecting her (or any young child) to stop/not do something is unlikely to work, either.

Yeah, but, they might keep doing it and learn to do it without falling! In her mind, she's just getting right back on the horse! Depending on the situation, I would let them practice and learn, and I would stand right there while "spotting" for them until they did. This applies to steps, and standing on kitchen chairs -- but I did draw the line at standing on the arm of the sofa. Kids get big fast, and I didn't want big old huge children standing on upolstered furniture!

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

What deva said. For about a year at this age, with each kid, we had a Littly Tykes Slide in our livingroom, and the coffee table was in storage! As I lifted monkey boy off something dangerous, I'd be saying, "If you need to climb, then go climb on your slide!"

I've always had a heavy duty, solid wood coffee table. So, I let that be a "free climb" zone, and they can also climb, but not jump, on the couch. The only really off-limits spots are the kitchen counter (just ds2 - I don't mind dd being up there) and the dining table (for both of them).

[Mizelenius]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

Depending on the situation, I would let them practice and learn, and I would stand right there while "spotting" for them until they did. This applies to steps, and standing on kitchen chairs -- but I did draw the line at standing on the arm of the sofa. Kids get big fast, and I didn't want big old huge children standing on upolstered furniture!

Oh, yeah, I do spot her. However, it was getting to the point where that was pretty much what she wanted to do all day. If I wanted to put away dishes or make lunch, forget it. She'd want to get on some swivel chairs (which were high but she could climb on herself), then get onto the breakfast bar, then stand on the bar, and then take down glasses over the bar. I moved those #%$@ chairs to the basement, and the problem was solved. DH keeps complaining that it doesn't look cozy, but I was going crazy!

Now she climbs onto the dining room chairs (the ones she's fallen off of) but they do not pose the same danger.

[minkajane]

Problem solved!

I got him one of those indoor/outdoor climbing things with a slide. I about killed myself putting it together and it takes up a full third of the living room, but DS LOVES it! He only climbed on the couch once today and when I said "If you want to climb, climb on your slide," he jumped right down and climbed up the slide! Yay!!!

[mamaduck]

Yeah, those plastic cube/slide things are great, and you can almost always find them at thrift stores or yard sales.

Miz -- does she need a baby gym class??? Our Y has one for tots that my younger son LOVED. With climbing equipmnet. Also -- getting to the playground a lot might help.

[Mizelenius]

Originally Posted by mamaduck

Miz -- does she need a baby gym class??? Our Y has one for tots that my younger son LOVED. With climbing equipmnet. Also -- getting to the playground a lot might help.

We have a playset in our yard. She does VERY dangerous things on it . . .I have a hard time spotting her. Ditto for playgrounds. With one that is age appropriate for her (she has access to one of those, too) she loses interest quickly.

Those swivel chairs we had were the worst problem. Now that they are put away, she still climbs a lot, but it isn't nearly as dangerous, so it's OK.