If your 4 yr old believed in santa, and you did not want her/him too, would you tell - Page 2

[AmaLari]

Originally Posted by USAmma

I have never tried to really encourage Santa. I mean, we are Hindu and UU. When she was 3 she didn't believe in Santa and said he wasn't real. But now at almost age 6 she wants to believe in Santa. Last year she wrote Santa a letter all by herself. This year she just did the same. She is a bright kid and I know that she probably knows Santa is not real, but she wants to believe and wants to play this fantasy. We are humoring her by playing along with her. I don't think we need to drive home the point that Santa is not real and destroy her fantasy. She will decide on her own when to stop playing the game.

This is exactly like our family (except we aren't UU). Christmas isn't our holiday, but I have a lot of fun decorating the house every year. We didn't do anything about Christmas until my son was 3yo and asked for a tree. I don't do anything to encourage or discourage their current belief in Santa. We do put a couple of gifts under the tree that don't have tags and it's up to them to figure out who gave them. But in general, Christmas is very low-key in our house - there aren't any huge piles of gifts or anything.

[EStraiton]

Santa comes to our home, as does the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and also a sneaky little Leprechaun on St. Paddy's Day... they are all magical, exciting and beautiful traditions that come from the love my dh and I have for our girls. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[MamaBug]

Moving this to Childhood Years

[rharr!]

You all have very good reasons for doing as you do. As I read one post I feel exactly the same, then I read a different opinion and I feel the same way as that poster : I am still not 100% on what to do.

I should say, I didnt mean to imply that anyone who tells thier child, or lets thier child believe in fantasies is a lyer.
I was just trying to convey the hesitation I feel every time this comes up with dd.


I guess, for now, I will let her think her own thing on the fun stuff -no more goblins- but should she ask me, I will tell her what I know.

I really like the idea to teach her about St. Nicholas, I am definately going to be doing some researching and book buying on him.

As to the poster that said something about telling her straight out about goblins, but not wanting her to believe in santa, no you are not missing any thing. I am as confused as you on why I did that.

Next year I will let her know the goblin is not real, but I will still play goblin and hint heavily it is me. That would still be fun for her I think.

[mommy68]

My youngest is 4 and we have taught our oldest two children always that Santa is not real. They love to still play pretend anyway. But our 4 yr old is still a bit young to try and instill in her the "truth" regarding Santa so we let her just believe it for this year.

Perhaps next year when our youngest is 5 she will be ready to be told. But she has a different personality than her older two siblings and I don't think she would handle it well. Although one day last week she did say that santa is bringing her gifts but that santa isn't real. So I guess she has a clue about it from somewhere but as her parents we aren't pushing it on her just yet.

[PrennaMama]

rarr! You seem like you've got your head and heart in the right place...! It helps to put myself in dd's shoes... I was never mad at my mom and dad for keeping the Santa thing going, I WAS mad when my frineds told me he wasn't real, and even tho I knew it to be true, I MANIFESTED a more devoted faith in him, after that! For spite... cause I didn't and don't like anyone dictating what's real to ME or what I should believe in... even if it is just a big warm hearted gift slinging fat man in a red suit who magically whisks into and outta the house. (We had a wood stove with a very thin pipe to the chimney... I had a hard time visuallizing him sliding down! My dad suggested maybe he uses a North Pole transporter the likes of which was on Star Trek, my fave show when I was 5... worked for my imagination!)

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by USAmma

I have never tried to really encourage Santa. I mean, we are Hindu and UU. When she was 3 she didn't believe in Santa and said he wasn't real. But now at almost age 6 she wants to believe in Santa. Last year she wrote Santa a letter all by herself. This year she just did the same. She is a bright kid and I know that she probably knows Santa is not real, but she wants to believe and wants to play this fantasy. We are humoring her by playing along with her. I don't think we need to drive home the point that Santa is not real and destroy her fantasy. She will decide on her own when to stop playing the game.

And if she's like me, it could be, um, never.

What's the fun in life without play?

[kangamom]

We've told our dcs (6 and 4 this year) that Santa is more of a manifestation of the Christmas spirit, and that mom and dad are his elves. I think my 6 yo understands, and when she asks, I explain it to her that way. But I don't just come out and say it. I feel like childhood is such a tiny fleeting moment in a person's life. They need to be allowed to believe in magical things for as long as they can.

[arwenevenstar]

Originally Posted by Arwyn

And if she's like me, it could be, um, never.

What's the fun in life without play?

:

I agree with Arwyn (probably the name thang!!).

I am sorry for those of you that felt betrayed that must be shitty. I hope that when the time comes for my children to stop believing that I can explain about the myth and fantasy in such a way that they see it in a similar light to their superhero characters that they love to play so much.

TBH kids are smart, they probably know deep down the older they get that it is just make believe but it is a magical kick that they get from it (or perhaps it is us that gets the kick I don't know and maybe that is another discussion entirely!!?Perhaps we only make up Santa for our own benefits if we had magical childhood experiences?) I like to think about Peter Pan. I knew he wasn't real, didn't stop me believing that he MIGHT have been real and that I might be lucky enough to fly if I wished hard enough or believed.

Anyway, I digress, the point it, kids grow up too fast, I personally feel comfortable enough that my dh and I have a good enough relationship with our children to explain the concept when the kids are ready.

I could write more on this as I have wondered about this many times, but my 2yr old dd has just come through in a green vest to tell me she is a dragon............I am just going to play along with her!

[Mizelenius]

My mom was sort of the same . . .she said she never wanted to lie to us, so she never told us there was a Santa. However, she didn't tell us there wasn't, so it was sort of a lie by omission. I don't remember finding out one way or another that he wasn't real. It was not traumatic or I'd remember.

Personally, I like the whole concept of Santa and such. I WANT to believe there is a Santa. I am so tired of all the negative things that happen in the world that it would be great to think that he exists . . . Plus, it's just fun!

[warriorprincess]

I have never told my kids about Santa or any of the others. I had a bad experience ( not of the molestor Santa variety, but finding out my parents had lied about Santa caused to doubt everything they said henceforth, including things religion related) My 4 year old has recently decided he believes in Santa and I am being somewhat unreasonable. I tell him, "No, mom and dad order your presents from Amazon". I probably should let it go but it makes me crazy.

[Arwyn]

See, presents were (almost) always very clearly from a specific person in my house. "Santa" brought (brings) the stocking stuffers, which magically appear after midnight services and before we get up in the morning, and there have been a couple times "Santa" left a gift, but maybe that's part of why I was/am fine with Santa - he didn't take responsibility for any gifts that someone else deserved the thanks for, just the few fun trinkets and candies (and gum and toothbrushes ) in the stockings. My dad sometimes signs gifts (in his very distinctive handwriting) as "From Santa" and it actually really annoys me, both because it's so transparently false (as opposed to the magically filled stockings, which leaves no signature) and because it leaves me in an awkward position about who to thank.

But other than my mom sometimes letting my dad sign presents she had bought, it was always very clear who each gift was from.

[NiBeKa]

Originally Posted by EStraiton

Santa comes to our home, as does the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and also a sneaky little Leprechaun on St. Paddy's Day... they are all magical, exciting and beautiful traditions that come from the love my dh and I have for our girls. I wouldn't have it any other way.

: Couldn't have said it better. My family totally agrees. We are 2 wonderful parents, with 3 well adjusted teens who have had no lasting effect of being lied to about the above mentioned. We've also had a tricky turkey and goblins. The kids have had so much fun with each. We still believe in the magic of Christmas, although they don't believe in Santa. The message is still there, in giving of yourself you bring joy to others.