3 yo, afraid to get sucked into toilet (Potty training)

[Blu Razzberri]

Hi,

I have a problem. My three year old son is finally becoming ok with peeing in the toilet (he's had good control, aim, awareness since he was about 1.5, but refused the toilet, so I didn't push); and he's ok in underwear during the day.

We have one small problem though...he refuses to sit on the potty and refuses to poop in the potty. He said that he's afraid the "twirly" is going to take him away. He's not afraid of the twirly when we're draining the tub though, and even insists on staying in the tub until all the water's gone. But he's stated several times that the twirly in the toilet will take him.

He usually listens to EVERYTHING my S/O tells him, but in this case, he doesn't even believe HIM!

Also, he's seen his (girl) friend (around the same age) from down the hall use the potty here and I figured that would do the trick, but it didn't.

I don't know how to get him to sit on the potty, let alone poop there. He has the control and ability, he just refuses. I've even tried sitting with him to hold him, I told him we could sit as long as he needed (he was due to poop at the time), I even brought his books to read with him. He got down within a minute.

Any idea's?

[karlin]

Have you tried using a potty chair? Perhaps that can help with the training first, and then you can move on to the big potty when you help him with his fears?

My DS started only pooping on the little potty, but then desided he wanted to use the big one (although he had no fear) within a few weeks.

[nonconformnmom]

I would bring him in to the bathroom and explain that the toilet 'twirly' is not harmful and then I'd demonstrate it for him. Flush the toilet and put my hand down close to the hole and wave at him from under the water. That should do the trick! (Ah, the things we do for love! )

My daughter used to be afraid that there were sharks in the town swimming pool. So I used to sit on the edge with my legs dangling into the water so that I could be the "shark bait". We still laugh about it today.

[Blu Razzberri]

Originally Posted by karlin

Have you tried using a potty chair?....

I have a stand-alone potty; but yesterday he used it and the pee splashed out all over his fresh clean pants : and I kinda got mad at the "stupid useless potty" and threw it on the balcony : He refuses to poop on the stand alone potty as well.

I also have a 'fit's over the toilet' potty. I tried to make a big deal out of it, saying that this would protect him from falling in and "getting your bum wet..ewwww!!! HAHAHAHA" and made it silly (and he laughed along), but then when I tried to get him on it, he got really upset. So I put it back on the hook.

He's ok for balance on the regular toilet...he's just refusing.

Originally Posted by nonconformnmom

I would bring him in to the bathroom and explain that the toilet 'twirly' is not harmful and then I'd demonstrate it for him. Flush the toilet and put my hand down close to the hole and wave at him from under the water...

This was sugge.....:Puke ....(sorry, I'm a germaphobe, the thought of sticking my hand in the toilet makes me ill)....this was suggested to me by my S/O. I think he more said it to see me squirm though *shudder*.

It's a good idea though...I wonder if I could convince someone else to do it, lol.

Originally Posted by nonconformnmom

..used to sit on the edge with my legs dangling into the water so that I could be the "shark bait"....

That's GREAT...lol

[LynnS6]

Potty chair. The only way to go. Teach him to HOLD his penis down while peeing. Guys have to learn that when they're sitting down. Otherwise, when he sits on the big potty, he's going to do the same thing!

Our ds was afraid of falling in (not going down, but falling in) and would only poop on a potty chair until he was about 4 or 4 1/2. I finally had to tell him that we needed him to sit on the big potty because his knees were up around his chin!

I distinctly remember being afraid of going down the bathtub drain as a child. I made my brother sit in front so that he would go down first and I could grab onto the side. Time and Mr. Rogers helped me over that fear. He had a whole segment on how we're too big to go down the drain.

It's not a rational fear, so you can't deal with it rationally. What you can do is continue to teach, and as his mind gets more able to reason about size, he'll lose it. Point out gently that the hole is smaller than he is. If you're really brave, stick something in there and show him that it's too big to go down, and that it's smaller than he is. Just beware that he might try to experiment himself! (I don't think I'd be that brave.)

[Blu Razzberri]

LoL...thanks Lynn. I love your willingness to sacrifice your brother, by the way!

[BugMacGee]

I suspect my DD is afraid of the potty too. But only for poop.?????????
She is a terrific pee-er but she will not poop in the potty. She has refused to use the little potty for about 6 months (She's a big girl after all) and has abandoned the adaptor seat as well. We've tried re-introducing them to no avail.

To the OP, do you have a low flow toilet? Those can be less intimidating to kids and they save water.

I guess you could look at the bright side, he probably won't be flushing your keys down the loo anytime soon. (or the oh so fun, toilet paper-in-the potty, flush-and-watch-it-roll game)

Good luck. Let me know if you find anything that works.

[Blu Razzberri]

No, I don't have a low flush toilet (I don't think anyways). I can't change it though, because I'm renting in an apartment complex.

I think I might have figured it out though. I think I'm going to try and tell him and show him that things only get sucked into the toilet when you press the handle; and since he presses the handle after he's all done, it can't get him.

I figure, I'll TRY logic and see what happens. :

[CarrieMF]

The problem with holding a hand near the hole is that could traumatize him into thinking you'll be sucked down. Even after he sees it won't happen the prior thinking could cause a bigger issue. Plus he may start wondering what else won't go down and start throwing things into the toilet to experiment and you really don't want that.lol

I agree with your idea on showing him how nothing goes down(perhaps use an animal to show what happens when someone sits on the toilet) until it's flushed. Then after showing him, start having him put the lid down prior to flushing so he doesn't have to see it. Or you could just wait to flush until he's out of the room until he gets over this fear.

Has he had to go in public on any of the self flushing toilets? That could be where this is coming from, alot of kids are scared of those because they do flush when they're sitting on them.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri

LoL...thanks Lynn. I love your willingness to sacrifice your brother, by the way!

Do you know, I still feel guilty about that today? Of course, it didn't traumatize HIM at all, because he was 3 years older than me and not afraid at all of going down the drain.

Has he had to go in public on any of the self flushing toilets? That could be where this is coming from, alot of kids are scared of those because they do flush when they're sitting on them.

Somewhere I read a tip to carry post-it notes with you and stick one over the automatic sensor before the kids use the toilet. Then it won't detect movement and won't flush until you take it off. Brilliant idea for kids who are afraid of public toilets flushing (like both of mine!)

[Roar]

It may also help to make it clear. You are the mom. It is your job to keep him safe. You will not let him do anything that is unsafe. If it was unsafe you wouldn't let him use it.

[Blu Razzberri]

Update: I did what I could to convince him, then I 'gave up' and resigned to let it run it's course. That worked. My S/O and I were chatting at the table one day when DS went into the bathroom. When he came out, I asked if he washed his hands and he said "yeah....I just had to go poopie" ....ok. Works for me Now, if only we could speed up the process of teaching him how to wipe properly!

Anyways, I'm going to unsubscribe to this thread, but if anyone else has good idea's, they can put them here for anyone else who happens to have this problem.

[Treasuremapper]

http://whilechildrensleep.homestead.com/

I used the technique above with great success to convince my three and a half year old daughter that she could not be flushed down the toilet. It worked, literally, almost overnight. Jan Hunt with the Natural Child Project told me about the website for other totally unrelated issues during telephone counseling.

Basically, while the child sleeps you offer gentle suggestions, sandwiched in between affirmations of love. I gave love, then affirmed that the potty is safe and she is too big to be flushed down, and then gave love again. It really worked for her.