Difficult Mornings with Toddler

[stellimamo]

DD is having several issues in the morning and I feel like these issues are setting the tone for a negative day for us. I am a WOHM at this point and I have to get dd to daycare before work each morning. I know dd is a slow starter so I try to wake her up early enough to have time to get up slowly and not be rushed but also let her get enough sleep (12-13) hours. After getting her up I let her lay in my bed for about 5-10mins and usually she's fully awake but then the fight begins. She just fights, screams, whines and cries about getting dressed/diaper changed. The next 10-15 mins is nothing but a fight. I can walk away and come back and the fight begins again. I've tried to make it a game, I've tried to let her "dress herself". Nothing works and by the end we are both pissed off and I'm loosing my patience. She loves daycare and is excited to see her friends. She doesn't seem to be fighting going to daycare but rather getting her clothes on. I don't really want to leave her in her PJs because many times her diapers have leaked no matter if they are CD or sposies.. so I can't just take her to daycare in her jammies.

Any ideas about how to get our morning off to a good start? My time w/ dd is so limited because of work so I really want to make the best of the time I do have? Help us not hate mornings.

[lolar2]

Do you narrate what you're about to do as you're dressing her? "Now I'm going to take off your diaper, now I'm going to wipe your bottom, Now I'm going to put on a new diaper, now I'm going to take your pajama top off, now I'm going to put your dress on you, now I'm going to put one sock on you, now I'm going to put your other sock on you" etc. That can help sometimes (my sister who used to work at a preschool says it helps from about 10 months to 3 years, I've only tried it with a 1-year-old myself).

[zipworth]

The only thing that worked for me was to have my husband do it. I have had the exact sme problems as you are having with my DS, especailly after his sister was born. I have a ton of tricks up my sleeve and so far, the only thing that worked for me was to just get DH to dress him. There was no power struggle established between the two of them previously over this issue. Also, I have used bribery as a last resort. I know it is not the best, but I would rather give a bribe than get into a humiliating wrestling match over getting dressed. I am also open for any advice in this manner, as my son would go naked in -20 weather rather than allow me to dress him sometimes.

[stellimamo]

Do you narrate what you're about to do as you're dressing her? "Now I'm going to take off your diaper, now I'm going to wipe your bottom, Now I'm going to put on a new diaper, now I'm going to take your pajama top off, now I'm going to put your dress on you, now I'm going to put one sock on you, now I'm going to put your other sock on you" etc. That can help sometimes (my sister who used to work at a preschool says it helps from about 10 months to 3 years, I've only tried it with a 1-year-old myself).

I've tried that and tried letting her help put her clothes on and that just doen't seem to help most days. I try to name the body parts that go w/ the article of clothing to (trying to get her to focus on naming body parts rather than the clothes going on) and she is rarely distracted....

[stellimamo]

zipworth- Dh can dress dd too w/o nearly as many issues... but dh works very early and travels alot. Oh and the clothing he thinks looks good together is laughable!

[zipworth]

I hear ya on the outfits! I usually have the children's outfits layed out the night before for my husband. If he leaves early I tell him he has to dress DS anyway! He usually goes back to sleep, or he watches some CBC kids while I get ready. I'm shaking in my boots cause' DH is going away for 10 days to Japan. DS has mellowed quite a bit on the clothing issue though. Hopefully he stays that way while DH is gone.....

[Emmom]

I think that diaper/clothes changes are the sort of thing where you need as many ideas as possible, because one idea will work for a little while, then another will work for a bit, etc. Often because there are different reasons dc don't want the change. They're too busy playing and don't want to be interrupted. They don't like the feeling of being changed. They're attached to the clothes they have on, they don't like what usually comes after the change (e.g. leaving the house), etc. What do you think your dd objects to?
Even if she likes daycare, the transition of going and leaving mom might still be hard for her. If she objects to being changed because it's the beginning of that transition, maybe a break in routine? Do you drive her to daycare? How about getting her dressed in the car outside daycare (towel on the carseat so it won't get wet.)

Also, you don't seem to have much time in the morning, so this may not be a possibility, but what generally works for my ds if he's unwilling to be changed is to break it up into the smallest actions possible. 1-get your pants off because they're wet 2-get your diaper off because it's wet 3-wipe you so you don't get a rash 4-put a new diaper on 5-put new pants on. Sometimes he's too busy playing to do the whole process, but doesn't mind doing just one of the things, so eventually they all get done.

Sometimes I do a "sneak change", where I just pull his pants halfway down while he's busy playing with something and sneak the old diaper off and the new diaper on (I have cd that snap or pullups that stick on the sides--I don't know if you can do this). Often ds doesn't notice too much (or sometimes thinks it is funny) and will go along with it. If his pants were wet, too, I might do that first, then change his pants later.

Many times I find my tone of voice when I approach him makes a difference. If I can be chirpy and just say, "oh look, your pants are wet. Here, I'll get you new ones"--very matter-of-fact, meaning, 'of course if you realized they were wet you would have wanted new ones all along!' then he'll just accept it.

Do you think your dd is attached to the clothes she's wearing to bed? My ds develops strong attachments to what he's wearing, and will have "uniforms" for a week or two at a time. I think that started with him when he was around your dd's age (he's 22 months now). Maybe you could have wool soakers under her pj pants so she could still wear the pjs when you're all done changing her...

I'm just throwing things out there. Maybe something will be helpful.

Good luck.

[stellimamo]

I just thought I would update....

Well I think I figured out what works for us for the time being... cheese. My dd has an un natural obsession with cheese. Its all she talks about. "Mama I want cheese"..."cheese Mama"... "cheese please" and so on. So yesterday I asked if she wanted cheese and of course she said yes. I broke 2 slices up into smaller pieces and gave them to her through out getting dressed and not a peep other than "more please". Our mornings are 100% better and happier!

Thanks for all the advice!

[zipworth]

I like it.....not really a bribe.......and a pleasant experience for all. Good for you and dd! I will try that too.