I need husband success stories

[lhowlett]

So I thought things were going fine, I knew my husband wasn't gungho about homebirth, but he was okay with it. Then we got into an argument last night and now he thinks CPM's are just some lady off the street who don't know anything since they aren't accredited or certified or didn't go to a regular 4 year university. Yeah fun for me, I know. And he's really worried/convinced that something bad will happen to me and/or the baby.
He did agree to a birth center, and I"m kinda okay with that, but I still have to drive in labor, and then pack up and go home shortly after.

Anyway, does anyone have any stories or experiences from their husbands who were sceptical at first and then had a really good experience? I could use them.

Also, any medical journal or other accredited stats or studies about the safety of homebirth would be great too.

Thanks!

[Tuwamare]

Actually, CPM stands for Certified Professional Midwife. Any midwife who calls herself a CPM, regardless of how she got her education (she may have gone to a MEAC (Midwifery Education Accreditation Council) school, or completed a non-MEAC school or distance learning school, or did an apprenticeship for the entire education... although every midwife who goes to any of these schools will usually have done some time as an apprentice somewhere), must pass two tests from NARM (North American Registry of Midwives). One test is a written exam, the other is a hands-on skills test. So, if a midwife calls herself a CPM, she is not just some woman off the street.

As for good experiences, my hubby was extremely reluctant to homebirth until our 5th child. Then he 'gave in' and said we'd try it. He was still very nervous about the whole thing. After he caught his daughter and felt her take her first breath though, his whole attitude changed. He is a huge proponent of homebirth now, and all of our younger children have been born at home.

[lhowlett]

Yes, I know the whole CPM certification thing, he just doesn't want to think that means anything since they weren't a nurse previous. I'm glad your DH did so great. Was it hard during the pregnancy dealing with him?
The one thing that is hard for me to fight with him is that IF something were to happen to the baby, then yes, we'd be a good 20 minutes away from help verses 3 at the birth center and less than that at the hospital.
We'll see I guess, I'm just glad I'm not pregnant yet

[georgannemomof6]

When I first brought up the idea of homebirth, he said, "Not a chance!" I kept very positive (didn't want to be childish about it, LOL!) and just kept bringing it up, how safe it is, that our U/S showed a perfectly healthy baby (I know U/S are not 100% accurate, but no major defect was detected). I also put simple to read articles about homebirth where he could see them (bathroom, LOL!) and he did most of the talking when the mw came over for an interview. I was about 30 wks pg when he finally agreed!
The birth was everything we could've hoped for!
I have some great article links, if you'd like!

[lhowlett]

I would love those links! Was it hard leaving your previous provider?
One of the biggest obstacles is money. OUr insurance will cover a lot of it, but only after the birth, while the midwives I"ve looked into require payment around 36 weeks. He doesn't like the idea of having to pay them before the birth, and doesn't want to pay money out of our pocket if insurance will pick it up later.
Man I had so much confidence, but now that he voiced his concerns about the baby's health during and after the birth, I keep thinking about how aweful I'd feel if something did go wrong.

[georgannemomof6]

http://www.buffalobirth.com/NewPage3.html

http://www.buffalobirth.com/NewPage2.html

These are linked from the same website, the first article is about homebirth, second about hospital births.

I payed my mw a "donation" she was not liscensed here in NY to do homebirths, as it has become nearly impossible for mw's (whether DEM or CPM) to be so for homebirths! She agreed to monthly installments/sliding scale, but you have to ask for it, most will not negotiate fees unless you have a true need, they get "stiffed" so often!
hth, Georganne

[zoebird]

your husband's desire is to protect you, right? and the baby?

find information about how HBs do this--and he'll be convinced. now that 'homebirths are safe" but that 'homebirths are safer than other kinds of births."

[Sabo]

British Medical Journal

Its funny, I just cited this article in a thread earlier today. I used this for my dh. The results basically show that homebirth with a certified midwife is just as safe as hospital birth AND has the added bonus of lower interventions like c-section, episiotomy, etc. You can find the article here: http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/330/7505/1416

[Emmeline II]

At your next appointment bring your dh and talk about what ifs. Talk about what transfers your mw has had; chances are she has never had a lights-n-sirens life-or-death transfer and if she has she can talk about how it was handled. I think that your dh thinks that an emergency at home is like one at the hospital (yelling, confusion, where's the doctor -- because they "wait and see" until there is an emergency), but mws watch, prevent, and anticipate.

There is a sticky at the top of the board with hb safety information. I'd start requesting the books from the library .

CPM-training
http://www.cfmidwifery.org/midwifery/faq.aspx#5

From Sobo
If you want to, you could go all scientific on your family member. Show her that you don't blindly follow society and have done your own research. There is an article in the British Medical Journal: http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/330/7505/1416 The conclusions of the article state:
Quote:
Planned home birth for low risk women in North America using certified professional midwives was associated with lower rates of medical intervention but similar intrapartum and neonatal mortality to that of low risk hospital births in the United States.
Basically, as we already know, homebirth results in less c-sections, epesiotomies, forceps, etc. and has essentially the same rate of live, healthy births. This information is from a well respected scientific journal (I had to use it w/my dh, b/c he wouldn't have accepted any info from a website devoted to homebirth). The article is specifically related to midwife-attended homebirths.

[velcromom]

I'm a little worried about my dh too, he's done some research on homebirth, I've given him links to some of the above studies too. He's not actively against it at this point but... I think there's so much more for him to know and that he will feel a ton better when he's had the chance to fire all his "scary" questions at a midwife and realize she's not just a dreamy hippy dippy flake who just loves the scent of a newborn so much she wants to attend strangers' births like some kind of voyeur.

[rmzbm]

Have him watch a lot of TLC.

[celestialdreamer]

Is it possible for you and your DH to sit down and make a list of questions/concerns and then talk it over with a homebirth midwife that you are thinking of seeing? My DH (well and me too) was very skeptical about hombirths especially since my dd's birth was the typical induced hospital birth that scared the crap out of us both. I had a recommendation from a friend for a HB midwife and made out a long list of questions to ask (her education, transfers, specific situations, etc) and asked my DH to come along and see what she had to say and then we'd decide where to have the baby. After I asked my questions, he asked a few and seemed really content with the whole idea. Talking to a really good midwife was what my DH needed so that he felt okay with the idea. By the time I was 9 months pregnant and started freaking out slightly, he was the one calming me down. He was so proud to tell all his friends that we had our baby at home.

I was sure my DH would never go for the idea and that my mom would absolutely forbid me because she is terrified of labor/birth. After hearing my DH was on board after meeting the midwife, discussing calmly with my mom the safety aspects ( "No mom, there will not be a doctor there, my midwife will be there") it ended up being fine. In fact, my son's birth at home was the most amazing transformative experience of my life, and I am so glad I did my research and convinced my family that it was the right choice. When my son was a newborn I overheard my mom on the phone to her friend talking about his birth and heard her say "I just wish I had known you could have babies at home when I was having my kids, she was so lucky to have such incredible supportive women there in her own house".

Actually, I should mention that I had a very rapid labor and my MW didn't make it in time, and both my DH and my mom *still* think it all went great. So that in my mind says alot! People are taught that birth is scary and dangerous and I'm sure your DH wants to make sure you and the baby are safe. I'm sure he will come around

[celestialdreamer]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

Have him watch a lot of TLC.

Yikes, I think that would be a *bad* idea! From my perspective when I was pregnant and planning a HB it *did* remind me of why I was doing it, but to a DH who sounds like he is scared already TLC's dramatic life-or-death portrayal of birth would be awful. Maybe some videos of homebirths and then maybe some TLC dramatics.

[rmzbm]

Actually, now that I think about it - have him watch Gentle Birth Choices...very positive portrayals of normal birth. All is calm & as it should be...and with the exception of a few birth center births, the rest are HOME! Great video!

[Peony]

I knew after dd1's birth almost 4 years ago that my next birth would be at home, and I always told DH this. I finally got pg this year and made plans for a HB, DH wasn't too thrilled. No matter how many times I told him about the safety of HB, showed him the data, answered every single tiny question of his, he was terrified. He also knew that I wasn't changing my mind so he better deal with it. DD2 is 3 weeks old today, she was born at home, and noe DH is telling everyone that HB is the way to go. He is always saying how easy it was, he keeps calling his bro (they are TTC) telling him that they have to plan a HB. It's so funny to see him all into birthing at home now.

[Pandora114]

First off: Here's the disclaimer: I'm a UAViolation. Hands down, no bones about it.

I looked at him and said "I'm having a homebirth, dont like it you dont have to be here for it"

And I meant it.

He felt that being there for his child's birth was worth sitting and evaluating his fears and doing the research into it.

He knows I woulda kicked him out too.

As I said: I"m a UAviolation and I make no bones about it.

[boobjuice]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

Have him watch a lot of TLC.

Yeah I agree with PP, I had to stop watching those shows.

My dp said no way at first, but then I told him about the price difference. We did not have insurance and that opened his mind right up, then after our first hypno-birthing class he was hooked on homebirth.

Here show him our birth video, maybe that will inspire him!

Birth Journey

the majority of complications are discoverd during your prenatal visits, so if all goes well through your pregnancy, the risks are much lower when you go to give birth.

[theelfqueen]

I don't really know what to say.
My DH really struggled with my preference for a homebirth. In the end it came down to a lot of emotional issues for both of us. He finally agreed about halfway through my pg. I know it was something he struggled with some after that (I especially think he was receiving ongoing negative pressure from his family). What turned him around was meeting my midwife's husband. He knew and respected our midwife, he liked her and was comfortable with her. Then he met her DH (when he came to set up our birth pool) and discovered that they had a great deal in common (both former Air Force Space guys, in fact MW's husband taught at the Academy when my DH attended there).... and somehow the realization that "normal" people homebirth seemed to settle for him. And now he advocates homebirth (especially from the continuity of care angle) to any of our friends who give him an opening LOL

[kaylas mama]

My DH was against homebirth with our first as well. REALLY against it. We couldn't afford it. He was completely ignorant about the topic and it was too scary.

Then, I talked him into going to birthing classes on natural birth-at home or in the hospital. By the 2nd week (it was once a week for 6 weeks) he TOLD me that we were NOT having our baby in a hospital. And, he becam No VAX/No Circ too! Education was our key to an awesome home birth, and now we're preparing for our second in about 8 weeks or so!

As far as the money is concerned, we still can't afford it. And now we're paying a midwife $3500 out of our pocket. With our first's birth, it was 1/2 covered by our insurance so we only paid $1700 or something like that. But we just made it happen. There was no way we were going to a hospital. (by choice)

Good luck and hope that helps....

[littlelambs]

this is a really great site. this family birthed 4 in the hossy, then did a UC with the 5th! dad was skeptical before, but afterwards it changed him dramatically! the website is the moms (she'd also written a book about thier experince) and to the left is the link to the dad's website,set up mainly for other dads and is very encouraging! my dh has been 100% on board since the beginning, but i had him read through this dad's experience and it really solidified our current choices for him as well as encouraging him over some "fears" he has had and hearing this other dad talk about those same ones. dh is so excited now he "sweet talks" the baby everynight trying to get him to come out so we can have our own homebirth experience! dh has even been having dreams where he catches baby...he truely can't wait! HTH!

http://www.unassistedhomebirth.com/index.html

okay i have edited to make it even easier:
here is the direct link to the dad's page:
http://www.unassistedhomebirth.com/fathers/
to which he lists several other GREAT links, one of them being "for wives trying to convince reluctant husbands, read this:" that youc an read...but i would give him the direct link listed above to do his own "perusing" on his own time. *winks*
http://www.unassistedhomebirth.com/f...ntfathers.html