Anxieties in a 6yo

[irinam]

I got zero replies to this in Childhood forum. May be here (since I mostly post here)?


Lately DD is getting more and more anxious about... well, almost everything.

If the homework not done *just* right (whatever "right" she thinks it should be).

When I am parking where she thinks "we are not supposed to".

When she gets picked up from school earlier (!?!?) because it is not the "usual" way.

When she chooses a DVD to watch and TV (which we only use for occasional DVD'S and tapes) is not switched to the right channel and starts making a "hissing" sound she insists she does not want to watch anything and wants it off NOW.

The bowling alley were she had so much fun at the birthday party of her friend - in now off limits because "that's were people have birthday parties, so we can not "just" go there". All the talk, explanations and such just led to her being evasive - she comes up with very clever reasons NOT to do anything that she is not comfortable with, which lately is almost everything.

She wants to be in the safety of her house, which I guess is fine, but what about childhood exploring? New and exciting places? She would not have any of that

Any words of wisdom? BTDT's?

[Roar]

There is a really fantastic book about child anxiety calling Freeing your Child from Anxiety. The approaches in the book are gentle and I learned quite a bit from this book even though I'd read a lot about anxiety already. http://www.amazon.com/Freeing-Your-C...e=UTF8&s=books

I think you are right to be concerned. Anxiety can really feed on itself and if you start eliminating one thing after another it can really REINFORCE anxiety because she may get the message that if something was avoided it was something worth being scared about.

I think the book will help. Also, I would talk with her a bit now about the idea that she can feel scared but just because she has the feeling doesn't mean she's actually in danger. Bodies can trick us into feeling scared of something that isn't actually dangerous.

It may be good to start practicing relaxing breaths and teaching a very simple mantra like "I'm safe" or something like that.

Do what you can to acknowledge how she's feeling but to be low key about what she's worried about as kids really pick up on parental anxiety.

[Fuamami]

Irina, I know this is the second time you've posted about her fears/anxieties. Do you think they're getting worse? Do you think you could find a counselor who might help? It sounds like they might be getting a little overwhelming for her.

[becoming]

Irina, your DD sounds a lot like my DS. Is she gifted? I know you didn't mention that, but, from what you've said, it sounds like she could be. I think you would get a lot of good advice regarding anxiety/overthinking things on the "Parenting the Gifted Child" forum.

[mamaduck]

There may be something unusual or extreme about your dd's anxiety -- thats entirely possible. However -- I just wanted to say that a lot of what you describe sounds developmentally normal. Six is when they start to become very zealous and overcommited to the whole concept of "rules." For about 2 years or so, it really feels like everything revolves around rules! Also -- 6-8 yo. is the most common age for nervous ticks to be present, which are often a result of anxiety. (My 6 yo. is going through that right now.)

I think some time with a counselor is probably a good idea -- but I would also check in with her teacher to see if the teacher notices anything unusual compared to the other kids.

Also -- extra cuddling/suggling/touching can help a lot.

I mostly just wanted to reassure though -- what you have described does not sound terribly unusual to me.

[Shirada]

It sounds as though something may have happened to trigger her behavior. It may a minor incident or something more serious. I am not trying to alarm you or anything, but when I was a little older than your dd is now, something happened to me that terrified me and the outcome was to focus on all the kinds of things your dd is worried about, instead of telling anyone about the original incident, (which I didn't recall till 20 years later!). Because the incident happend to me in a place where I wasn't supposed to be, I didn't want to tell my parents.

Maybe tell her that you notice that she is anxious these days and ask her if something happened at school or at a friend's house etc. and gently encourage her to tell you, and that no matter what, you will not be mad at her.

HTH

[Starr]

Not a lot of advice but I was always very anxious and a worrier even as a child. I would fret about everything and had to have things done a certain way or I would lose sleep. For school one thing that helped was my mom would spend about 20 minutes a night going over and double checking that homework was done, lunch money, clothes laid out, book bag ready... Even though I had already done it, it helped having someone else double check. Maybe let the teacher know for future reference. I still am very A type personality and my daily organizer is filled, its the only way I can function.

[irinam]

Roar, thanks for the link, I'll definately get the book!

Originally Posted by natensarah

Irina, I know this is the second time you've posted about her fears/anxieties. Do you think they're getting worse? Do you think you could find a counselor who might help? It sounds like they might be getting a little overwhelming for her.

Um.. I would not say "worse". I'd say they are taking a different direction though. As a side note - I am kinda touched that you remember :

Originally Posted by becoming

Irina, your DD sounds a lot like my DS. Is she gifted? I know you didn't mention that, but, from what you've said, it sounds like she could be. I think you would get a lot of good advice regarding anxiety/overthinking things on the "Parenting the Gifted Child" forum.

May be... She is somewhat ahead (from *my* POV) on some of the things - she reads fluently and into chapter books right now (I now that it is "considered" early for a 6yo) OTOH - our whole family are early readers, so if I had not spoken to anyone, I would consider it "right on time", or actually slightly later than "usual", LOL - DH, myself and DS started reading at 4, and she "only" started at 5

She does math good, but again, at their Montessori school they do three digit numbers manipulation since Kindergarden (so did we back in the "old country" ), so again, my perception can be off...

I'll check out the forum, definately!

Originally Posted by mamaduck

There may be something unusual or extreme about your dd's anxiety -- thats entirely possible. However -- I just wanted to say that a lot of what you describe sounds developmentally normal. Six is when they start to become very zealous and overcommited to the whole concept of "rules." For about 2 years or so, it really feels like everything revolves around rules! Also -- 6-8 yo. is the most common age for nervous ticks to be present, which are often a result of anxiety. (My 6 yo. is going through that right now.)

I think some time with a counselor is probably a good idea -- but I would also check in with her teacher to see if the teacher notices anything unusual compared to the other kids.

Also -- extra cuddling/suggling/touching can help a lot.

I mostly just wanted to reassure though -- what you have described does not sound terribly unusual to me.

Thank you for reassurance, mama! I had it "easy" with DS - he is extremely mellow and we never had the proverbial teenage years, so my perception of what to expect might be a little off Nervous habbits (not ticks, but I believe the root cause is similar) are present to certain extend, but they come and go.

And you are so on the spot - she sometimes seems obsessed with "rules"! Especially because (I think), we don't really have "rules" in the house

Originally Posted by Shirada

It sounds as though something may have happened to trigger her behavior. It may a minor incident or something more serious. I am not trying to alarm you or anything, but when I was a little older than your dd is now, something happened to me that terrified me and the outcome was to focus on all the kinds of things your dd is worried about, instead of telling anyone about the original incident, (which I didn't recall till 20 years later!). Because the incident happend to me in a place where I wasn't supposed to be, I didn't want to tell my parents.

Maybe tell her that you notice that she is anxious these days and ask her if something happened at school or at a friend's house etc. and gently encourage her to tell you, and that no matter what, you will not be mad at her.

HTH

Well, she did start new school for her 1st grade, that definately has something to do with it. Though her teacher from what I see does reassure that homework for example is not for "doing perfect job", but for learning, and mistakes do happen.
I don't mean to pry, and definately if you are not comfortable, forgo this question - by do you mind telling me what you incident was? In a PM maybe? (Again, if it's something you are not comfortable sharing - I completely understand and apologize for being nosy!)




Thank you so much for your input and ideas mamas! Definately keep them coming!