Does this make sense to you?????

[Zach'smom]

Ds goes to a really great preschool and is in a class with 11 other children. I am on friendly terms with all the mamas and we like to hang out and chat while the kids play together after school.

Today this mama was telling a story about how her daughter likes to throw things. She isn't trying to hurt anyone. She just likes to throw things. She was at a friends the other day and was trying to do a trick by throwing a rock over another childs head. Needless to say the rock hit the child in the head. So the mama told me that she grabbed her daughter and spanked her for it. She said that DD DIDN"T KNOW why she was hitting her, but she HAD to because her DD hit this little boy with a rock. : After she was done hitting her she told DD she explained that she hit the boy with the rock and could have really hurt him, etc.

I was shocked and had no idea what to say. I certainly don't beleive she had to hit her DD. It makes absolutely no sense to me. It was an accident! Why would she hit her kid for accidently hitting the kid with a rock? I have no idea what I should have said. We were out there with about 6 other Moms when she told this story and nobody said a word.

Any ideas on how to gently deal with this situation?

[blsilva]

Of course, it doesn't make sense, but it sounds like the mom didn't know of another way to handle it, and felt pressured to "do something", a pressure I can definitely identify with.
I'm not sure how you can handle it, without stepping on some toes, but you can definitely lead by example. Show her how you deal with your ds, and let her learn from you. Maybe even steer the conversation some time to gentle strategies to teach kids how to be careful, etc. She probably would rather not spank, but does not know that good alternatives are out there.

[MOM2ANSLEY]

Originally Posted by blsilva

Of course, it doesn't make sense, but it sounds like the mom didn't know of another way to handle it, and felt pressured to "do something", a pressure I can definitely identify with.
I'm not sure how you can handle it, without stepping on some toes, but you can definitely lead by example. Show her how you deal with your ds, and let her learn from you. Maybe even steer the conversation some time to gentle strategies to teach kids how to be careful, etc. She probably would rather not spank, but does not know that good alternatives are out there.

If you stick your feet out your toes might get stepped on;and she stuck them out there.
I would have told her that it was an accident and it makes no sense to punish a child for an accident(or to hit) but she did do well by explaining to dd WHY what she did was wrong
Maybe she was trying to put it out there for suggestions on how to better deal with dd???

[Zach'smom]

It never even occured to me that she might be looking for some other ways to deal with that type of situation. Guess I goofed up that one. She is a very nice person and I have never seen her deal her daughter in a non- gentle way. That is why it surprised me when she told me this.

[CarrieMF]

If you've never seen that type of behaviour from her before it was probably a spur of the moment reaction without thinking. That doesn't excuse it but I'm sure we've all(most of us anyhow) had a situation where we reacted before thinking.

I agree that she may have been asking for alternatives for situations like that.

But I am wondering how old her child is that the child didn't know what it did that was wrong. Is she helping to teach her child to not throw things, especially dangerous things and at people(even though the intent was over the head it was still AT someone). This would be my bigger concern than the spanking.