Strategies needed to break the cycle of despair [long post] - Page 2

[oliversmum2000]

Originally Posted by berrybasket

Vanessa - now that you mention it, I think it's likely that she's not getting enough sleep. She makes herself get up out of bed and come to our room at every 'light awakening' which can be up to eight times a night. She goes back to sleep easily but it must have an effect on her - it does on me! I suspect that this does make her even more sensitive than she already is. Any ideas on resolving the night waking?

maybe you could create a little bed / den so that when she needs you she knows you are nearby?

[kittn]

Originally Posted by Dinosaur_Mommy

When she was tested, DD scored high for "Sensory Integration" difficulties. 'The Highly Sensitive Child' was a great resource for me.

<and if SHE is highly sensitive, then her DB is practically a balloon about to pop, LOL>

My middle child is very much like this. He also has serious sensory integration issues. The book "the out of sync child" is great to help with understanding it. Sometimes with kids who are SUPER sensitive (it sounds like she may be) light pressure is harder to handle than deep pressure. Tight hugs, squishing and sometimes rolling them up in a thick blanket like a burrito will calm a very out of sorts child. How is she with other things like eating a variety of foods, noise that sort of thing?

[berrybasket]

Sledg - Thanks for the link to that other thread. I can really relate to the feeling of having lost a whole year. Pretty much every day I feel appalled at some aspect of my own behaviour. I once heard that children don't remember anything that happened before they were four and I've been clinging on to that thought (only a few months left though) but I know it's probably rubbish. But I hate the thought of my dd remembering me as the kind of parent I've been in the past six months or so.

I'm also finding that the experience with my spirited one has made me not want to have any more kids. I love the idea of a big family but, on top of the general exhaustion of everything being such a big deal with dd, I no longer have any confidence in my parenting abilities.

Vanessa - Good idea, thanks.

kittn - I suspect she is pretty sensitive but it mostly seems to be about touch. She seems to feel pain strongly and has trouble with textures, labels etc. She is also extremely hot/cold sensitive... always one or the other - never just comfortable. She's fine with food. Noise sensitivity is a bit of an issue, but nothing too major.

It's interesting that you mentioned 'tight hugs' because I actually tried that today when she was thrashing about and crying and it worked after about 15 seconds. I just scooped her up and took her to a quiet room and used all my strength to just hold/hug her really tight. She calmed down so fast it was amazing. I'll be trying that one again, that's for sure.

[karlin]

My son can be pretty intense too. One thing that has really helped us is letting go of some control. Every so often, we have a "yes day". That means if my son wants cookies for breakfast, then he gets cookies (homemade). If he wants to watch TV all day, then he can. If he wants to go the park, we go. I try to give him everything he wants within reason. It seems like it should backfire (wanting cookies for every meal, etc.), but it really doesn't. Once he feels like he has a lot more control over his life, it seems like he's okay at making concessions more often, and with less fuss.

As for the sleeping thing, have you tried co-sleeping or setting up a bed in your room for her for awhile? That should help with the waking, and perhaps help you feel a bit closer.

Also, I would let her have her pacifiers anywhere she wants for awhile. I think she needs to feel in control.

Good luck!

[kittn]

there is a great product called a body sock. she may like it. this site has alot of deep pressure items, weighted blankets and such. Check it out if you like.
http://www.saltoftheearthweightedgear.com

It may give you some ideas for things you can make/do at home and see if they work. You also may want to get in touch with an occupational therapist, they can help sort out the sensory puzzles

take heart as well dear that if she is having Sensory issues they will get better as she gets older because she will learn how to adjust and cope with the limits of her system

[RomanGoddess]

I am very reluctant to take her to see a psychologist but I feel as though this is where it's headed. It's heartbreaking to have her feeling so miserable for such long stretches of time.

I wouldn't hesitate for one minute to take her to see a child psychologist. I think that the vast majority of us could probably use a visit or two to a psychologist so why not? I was actually thinking of taking my DD to see one when she turns 4 or 5 years old, just to make sure that developmentally and emotionally, all is okay.